From the Commander, Army of the United Colonies, New York, dispatch number 1,137... Aw,...

John Hancock: [the courier enters Independence Hall with a report from Washington; Thomson rings a bell to call the delegates to order] From the Commander, Army of the United Colonies, New York, dispatch number 1,137... McNair: Aw, sweet Jesus! John Hancock: [Hancock resumes reading] The honorable Congress, John Hancock president. "Dear Sirs: It is with great apprehension that I have learned this day of the sailing from Halifax, Nova Scotia, of a considerable force of British troops in the company of foreign mercenaries and under the command of General Sir William Howe. There can be no doubt that their destination is New York; for to take and hold this city and the Hudson Valley beyond would seriously separate New England from the rest of the colonies, permitting both sections to be crushed in turn. Sadly, I see no way of stopping them at the present time, as my army's absolutely falling apart. My military chest is totally exhausted. My commissary general has strained his credit to the last. My quartermaster has no food, no arms, no ammunition, and my troops are in a state of near mutiny. I pray God some relief arrives before the Armada but fear it will not. Your obedient..." John Hancock: [drumroll] "G. Washington." McNair: [bangs his desk and stands up] Mister President! John Hancock: Colonel McKean. Col. Thomas McKean: Sure, we have managed to promote the gloomiest man on this continent to the head of our troops. Those dispatches are the most depr-ressing accumulation of disaster, doom, and despair in the entire annals of human history! John Hancock: [Hancock hits his desk with the gavel] Colonel McKean, please! Col. Thomas McKean: What? John Hancock: It's too hot. Col. Thomas McKean: Okay, I suppose so. John Hancock: [McKean sits down] General Washington will continue wording his dispatches as he sees fit; and I'm sure we he finds happier thoughts to convey in the near... future.