"A Christmas Story" quotes

A Christmas Story poster
In the 1940s, a young boy named Ralphie attempts to convince his parents, his teacher and Santa that a Red Ryder BB gun really is the perfect Christmas gift.

Director: Bob Clark
Writer: Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, Bob Clark
Production: N/A
Genre: comedy, family
Year: 1983
MetaScore: 77/100
ImdbRating: 7.9
BoxOffice: $20,778,141
Released: 18 Nov 1983
Awards: 3 wins & 11 nominations

203 Clips

Not again - A Christmas Story 00:06
Not again
The black cave of doom - A Christmas Story 00:36
The black cave of doom
All gone No turkey No turkey sandwiches - A Christmas Story 00:09
All gone No turkey No turkey sandwiches
My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years - A Christmas Story 00:06
My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years
Listen jerk - A Christmas Story 00:21
Listen jerk
And good old Cleveland Street How could I ever forget it - A Christmas Story 00:21
And good old Cleveland Street How could I ever forget it
Come on Mom we're going to be late - A Christmas Story 00:06
Come on Mom we're going to be late
Okay Ralphie - A Christmas Story 00:07
Okay Ralphie
Know what I'm getting my old man for Christmas - A Christmas Story 00:36
Know what I'm getting my old man for Christmas
Say uncle - A Christmas Story 00:24
Say uncle
I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed - A Christmas Story 00:14
I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed
From me to you - A Christmas Story 00:21
From me to you
They traded Bullfrog I don't believe it - A Christmas Story 00:19
They traded Bullfrog I don't believe it
I had one when I was eight years old - A Christmas Story 00:08
I had one when I was eight years old
Downtown Hohman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of - A Christmas Story 00:09
Downtown Hohman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of
Honors and benefits Already at the age of nine - A Christmas Story 00:06
Honors and benefits Already at the age of nine
I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed - A Christmas Story 00:05
I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed
You know Dew Lock just bought one of those brand new - A Christmas Story 00:20
You know Dew Lock just bought one of those brand new
This isn't one of those trees that all the needles falls off is it - A Christmas Story 00:07
This isn't one of those trees that all the needles falls off...
Randy will you eat There are starving people in China - A Christmas Story 00:06
Randy will you eat There are starving people in China
I left Flick to certain annihilation - A Christmas Story 00:09
I left Flick to certain annihilation
Young man - A Christmas Story 00:13
Young man
Hey listen smart ass I asked my old man about sticking - A Christmas Story 00:26
Hey listen smart ass I asked my old man about sticking
Hey listen smart ass I asked my old man about sticking - A Christmas Story 00:31
Hey listen smart ass I asked my old man about sticking
Come on up - A Christmas Story 00:30
Come on up
Holy cow it's the fire department - A Christmas Story 00:13
Holy cow it's the fire department
Randy lay there like a slug - A Christmas Story 00:06
Randy lay there like a slug
Or gallons of turkey soup - A Christmas Story 00:03
Or gallons of turkey soup
My old man's spare tires were actually only tires - A Christmas Story 00:09
My old man's spare tires were actually only tires
Hey Dad - A Christmas Story 00:20
Hey Dad
Or it could be a bowling alley - A Christmas Story 00:17
Or it could be a bowling alley
All right - A Christmas Story 00:10
All right
Parents one - A Christmas Story 00:36
Parents one
What've we got here folks - A Christmas Story 00:16
What've we got here folks
First nighters packed earmuff to earmuff jostled in wonderment - A Christmas Story 00:14
First nighters packed earmuff to earmuff jostled in...
But no matter Christmas was on its way - A Christmas Story 00:11
But no matter Christmas was on its way
Thank you Flick - A Christmas Story 00:36
Thank you Flick
You'll shoot your eye out - A Christmas Story 00:23
You'll shoot your eye out
Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice - A Christmas Story 00:08
Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice
Don't bother me now Can't you see I'm busy - A Christmas Story 00:09
Don't bother me now Can't you see I'm busy
That's another one of your silly puzzles - A Christmas Story 00:21
That's another one of your silly puzzles
The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house But it was gone - A Christmas Story 00:16
The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house But it was...
Where's Flick - A Christmas Story 00:08
Where's Flick
Preparing to go to school was like getting ready - A Christmas Story 00:07
Preparing to go to school was like getting ready
Tonight he's coming tonight Tonight Hot damn tonight - A Christmas Story 00:05
Tonight he's coming tonight Tonight Hot damn tonight
Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this - A Christmas Story 00:36
Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this
It's a beautiful duck - A Christmas Story 00:32
It's a beautiful duck
Every family has a kid who won't eat - A Christmas Story 00:09
Every family has a kid who won't eat
I told you not to use Lifebuoy - A Christmas Story 00:05
I told you not to use Lifebuoy
Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders - A Christmas Story 00:13
Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye - A Christmas Story 00:06
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye
Come on up on Santa's lap - A Christmas Story 00:30
Come on up on Santa's lap
Strange - A Christmas Story 00:30
Strange
Mom this is just the same old dumb parade as last year - A Christmas Story 00:10
Mom this is just the same old dumb parade as last year
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9 00 he can kiss my foot - A Christmas Story 00:06
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9 00 he can...
A can of Simonize - A Christmas Story 00:04
A can of Simonize
The line waiting to see Santa stretched all the way back to Terre Haute - A Christmas Story 00:09
The line waiting to see Santa stretched all the way back to...
Grover Dill Farkus' crummy little toady - A Christmas Story 00:13
Grover Dill Farkus' crummy little toady
Lmmediately my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies - A Christmas Story 00:21
Lmmediately my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy...
There has never been a kid who didn't believe - A Christmas Story 00:12
There has never been a kid who didn't believe
Get in the car Get in the car - A Christmas Story 00:31
Get in the car Get in the car
Holy smoke would you - A Christmas Story 00:26
Holy smoke would you
And this is for Daddy - A Christmas Story 00:14
And this is for Daddy
So what else happened today - A Christmas Story 00:31
So what else happened today
How do the little piggies go - A Christmas Story 00:17
How do the little piggies go
Damn it Blow out - A Christmas Story 00:35
Damn it Blow out
I like The Wizard of Oz - A Christmas Story 00:09
I like The Wizard of Oz
Would you look at that - A Christmas Story 00:30
Would you look at that
Don't you touch that - A Christmas Story 00:26
Don't you touch that
My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop - A Christmas Story 00:05
My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop
Hold it Don't anybody move - A Christmas Story 00:14
Hold it Don't anybody move
I have since heard of people under - A Christmas Story 00:16
I have since heard of people under
It's a major award - A Christmas Story 00:20
It's a major award
Hey Dad - A Christmas Story 00:14
Hey Dad
My father worked in profanity the way - A Christmas Story 00:10
My father worked in profanity the way
I like The Wizard of Oz - A Christmas Story 00:28
I like The Wizard of Oz
What's the matter What you crying for - A Christmas Story 00:17
What's the matter What you crying for
I was just kidding Even though Flick is getting one - A Christmas Story 00:15
I was just kidding Even though Flick is getting one
Do you want to take it off - A Christmas Story 00:29
Do you want to take it off
The snap of a few sparks a quick whiff of ozone - A Christmas Story 00:19
The snap of a few sparks a quick whiff of ozone
Life is like that - A Christmas Story 00:15
Life is like that
With as much dignity as he could muster - A Christmas Story 00:23
With as much dignity as he could muster
Meatloaf double beetloaf - A Christmas Story 00:16
Meatloaf double beetloaf
You want a sip - A Christmas Story 00:03
You want a sip
Scut Farkus - A Christmas Story 00:17
Scut Farkus
However I was disappointed in the margins - A Christmas Story 00:06
However I was disappointed in the margins
I like Santa - A Christmas Story 00:16
I like Santa
Sons a bitches Bumpuses - A Christmas Story 00:05
Sons a bitches Bumpuses
Christmas had come Officially We plunged into the cornucopia - A Christmas Story 00:12
Christmas had come Officially We plunged into the cornucopia
The theme I've been waiting for all my life - A Christmas Story 00:24
The theme I've been waiting for all my life
Oh my God I shot my eye out - A Christmas Story 00:04
Oh my God I shot my eye out
I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle - A Christmas Story 00:09
I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range...
The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine in order to get - A Christmas Story 00:23
The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine in order to get
I can't put my arms down - A Christmas Story 00:18
I can't put my arms down
Get the glue - A Christmas Story 00:13
Get the glue
Meanwhile I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint - A Christmas Story 00:20
Meanwhile I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint
What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse - A Christmas Story 00:13
What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse
He looks like a deranged Easter bunny - A Christmas Story 00:10
He looks like a deranged Easter bunny
Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that - A Christmas Story 00:09
Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that
Hello Mrs Schwartz Yes I'm fine - A Christmas Story 00:35
Hello Mrs Schwartz Yes I'm fine
The old man stood quivering with fury - A Christmas Story 00:10
The old man stood quivering with fury
The old man stood quivering with fury - A Christmas Story 00:09
The old man stood quivering with fury
Are you kidding Stick my tongue to that stupid pole - A Christmas Story 00:34
Are you kidding Stick my tongue to that stupid pole
Fra gi ley - A Christmas Story 00:09
Fra gi ley
Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap - A Christmas Story 00:21
Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap
You ready to tell me - A Christmas Story 00:32
You ready to tell me
Later that night alone in the backyard - A Christmas Story 00:17
Later that night alone in the backyard
Only I didn't say fudge - A Christmas Story 00:36
Only I didn't say fudge
Only one thing that could've dragged me away - A Christmas Story 00:08
Only one thing that could've dragged me away
It's the fire department - A Christmas Story 00:12
It's the fire department
It's coming Tonight - A Christmas Story 00:11
It's coming Tonight
It's a beautiful duck - A Christmas Story 00:33
It's a beautiful duck
It must be Italian - A Christmas Story 00:16
It must be Italian
It was his true medium - A Christmas Story 00:27
It was his true medium
It could be a bowling alley - A Christmas Story 00:43
It could be a bowling alley
I'll thrown in some rope and tie it to your car for you - A Christmas Story 00:50
I'll thrown in some rope and tie it to your car for you
I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas - A Christmas Story 00:22
I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9 - A Christmas Story 00:20
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9
If we don't hurry - A Christmas Story 01:07
If we don't hurry
I wonder what it could be - A Christmas Story 00:20
I wonder what it could be
I want an official Red Ryder - A Christmas Story 00:24
I want an official Red Ryder
I told you not to use Lifebuoy - A Christmas Story 00:13
I told you not to use Lifebuoy
I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint - A Christmas Story 00:45
I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint
I slowly began to realize that i was not going to be destroyed - A Christmas Story 00:20
I slowly began to realize that i was not going to be...
I shot my eye out - A Christmas Story 00:11
I shot my eye out
I had one when I was eight years old - A Christmas Story 00:19
I had one when I was eight years old
I like The Wizard of Oz - A Christmas Story 00:16
I like The Wizard of Oz
I left Flick to certain annihilation - A Christmas Story 00:21
I left Flick to certain annihilation
I was just kidding - A Christmas Story 00:48
I was just kidding
I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man - A Christmas Story 01:00
I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old...
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye - A Christmas Story 00:23
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye
You'll shoot your eye out - A Christmas Story 01:02
You'll shoot your eye out
You win this time - A Christmas Story 00:11
You win this time
Sons of bitches - A Christmas Story 00:10
Sons of bitches
I can't put my arms down - A Christmas Story 00:20
I can't put my arms down
I bet you never guess what I got you for Christmas - A Christmas Story 00:36
I bet you never guess what I got you for Christmas
Huddled family and insensate evil - A Christmas Story 00:43
Huddled family and insensate evil
How do the little piggies go - A Christmas Story 00:39
How do the little piggies go
He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny - A Christmas Story 00:21
He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny
Has anyone seen Flick - A Christmas Story 00:11
Has anyone seen Flick
Farkus's crummy little toadie - A Christmas Story 00:31
Farkus's crummy little toadie
Everybody upstairs - A Christmas Story 00:14
Everybody upstairs
Every family has a kid that won't eat - A Christmas Story 00:27
Every family has a kid that won't eat
Even something as momentous as the Scut Farkus affair - A Christmas Story 01:00
Even something as momentous as the Scut Farkus affair
Double beatloaf - A Christmas Story 00:37
Double beatloaf
Don't you touch that - A Christmas Story 00:47
Don't you touch that
Don't anybody move - A Christmas Story 00:31
Don't anybody move
Do you know what Ralph just said - A Christmas Story 00:46
Do you know what Ralph just said
Do you know what this is - A Christmas Story 00:32
Do you know what this is
Do you know what I'm getting for my old man for Christmas - A Christmas Story 00:54
Do you know what I'm getting for my old man for Christmas
Didn't I get a tie this year - A Christmas Story 00:37
Didn't I get a tie this year
Come on up on Santa's lap - A Christmas Story 00:40
Come on up on Santa's lap
Christmas was on its way - A Christmas Story 00:24
Christmas was on its way
But it's a Major Award - A Christmas Story 00:24
But it's a Major Award
But also a girl - A Christmas Story 00:29
But also a girl
Are you kidding - A Christmas Story 01:27
Are you kidding
And then they'd be sorry - A Christmas Story 00:37
And then they'd be sorry
And this is for Daddy - A Christmas Story 00:11
And this is for Daddy
And good old Cleveland Street - A Christmas Story 00:47
And good old Cleveland Street
A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock - A Christmas Story 00:37
A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock
A little bribe never hurts - A Christmas Story 00:21
A little bribe never hurts
A crummy commercial - A Christmas Story 00:17
A crummy commercial
A can of Simoniz - A Christmas Story 00:10
A can of Simoniz
You were either a bully - A Christmas Story 00:20
You were either a bully
Would you look at THAT - A Christmas Story 00:30
Would you look at THAT
With as much dignity as he could muster - A Christmas Story 01:00
With as much dignity as he could muster
Will you look at that - A Christmas Story 00:48
Will you look at that
When I tell you to come - A Christmas Story 00:35
When I tell you to come
What would your old man know about anything - A Christmas Story 01:19
What would your old man know about anything
What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse - A Christmas Story 00:32
What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse
The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse - A Christmas Story 00:51
The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse
What do you want for Christmas - A Christmas Story 01:19
What do you want for Christmas
What you crying for - A Christmas Story 00:23
What you crying for
What a rotten name - A Christmas Story 00:33
What a rotten name
We're out of glue - A Christmas Story 00:18
We're out of glue
This is just the same old dumb parade as last year - A Christmas Story 00:22
This is just the same old dumb parade as last year
This isn't one of those trees where all the needles falls off - A Christmas Story 00:23
This isn't one of those trees where all the needles falls...
They traded Bullfrog - A Christmas Story 00:52
They traded Bullfrog
They were round - A Christmas Story 00:54
They were round
There are starving people in China - A Christmas Story 00:14
There are starving people in China
The store's closing - A Christmas Story 00:25
The store's closing
The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute - A Christmas Story 00:28
The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way...
The heavenly aroma still hung in the house - A Christmas Story 00:38
The heavenly aroma still hung in the house
Some men are Baptists - A Christmas Story 01:56
Some men are Baptists
So what else happened today - A Christmas Story 00:56
So what else happened today
So I can see you better - A Christmas Story 01:01
So I can see you better
Smelly wok buster - A Christmas Story 01:01
Smelly wok buster
Sing something else - A Christmas Story 00:56
Sing something else
Round One was over - A Christmas Story 01:53
Round One was over
Range model air rifle - A Christmas Story 00:39
Range model air rifle
Randy lay there like a slug - A Christmas Story 00:17
Randy lay there like a slug
Quivering with fury - A Christmas Story 00:30
Quivering with fury
Packed earmuff to earmuff - A Christmas Story 00:26
Packed earmuff to earmuff
Open up that damper - A Christmas Story 01:29
Open up that damper
Only I didn't say  Fudge - A Christmas Story 01:01
Only I didn't say Fudge
Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this - A Christmas Story 01:34
Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this
Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty - A Christmas Story 00:50
Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty
My personal preference was for Lux - A Christmas Story 00:51
My personal preference was for Lux
My mother hadn't had a hot meal for herself in fifteen years - A Christmas Story 00:19
My mother hadn't had a hot meal for herself in fifteen years
My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop - A Christmas Story 00:16
My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop
Most of us are scoffers - A Christmas Story 00:24
Most of us are scoffers
Life is like that - A Christmas Story 00:40
Life is like that
Just where do you think you're going - A Christmas Story 00:26
Just where do you think you're going

Cast

Mother Parker - Melinda Dillon
The Old Man Parker - Darren McGavin
Ralphie as an Adult - Jean Shepherd
Randy - Ian Petrella
Miss Shields - Tedde Moore
Schwartz - R.D. Robb
Scut Farkus - Zack Ward
Grover Dill - Yano Anaya
Santa Claus - Jeff Gillen
Ming the Merciless (scenes deleted) - Colin Fox
Flash Gordon (scenes deleted) - Paul Hubbard
Christmas Tree Man - Leslie Carlson
Freight Man - Jim Hunter
Head Elf - Patty Johnson
Male Elf - Drew Hocevar
Kid with Goggles - David Edward
Black Bart - Dwayne McLean
Wicked Witch - Helen E. Kaider
Chinese Father - John Wong
Waiter #2 - Fred Lee
Waiter #3 - Dan Ma
Street Kid - Rocco Bellusci
Boy in School - Tommy Wallace
Pierre Andre - Court Benson
Red Hatted Curly Haired Woman in Line for Santa - Leigh Brown
Swede - Bob Clark
Little Girl at Parade - Giada Dobrzenska
Firefighter - Dave Duff
The Scarecrow - Don Geyer
Church Goer - Kathryn Hayzer
Christmas Shopper - Gary Jones
Fire Chief at Schoolyard - John Kennedy
Billy - Bill Kravitz
Boy Visiting Santa - Jordan-Patrick Marcantonio
Caroler - Julie Matthews
Screaming Girl on Slide After Ralphie - Christine Powrie