Clips with Mike Myers

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54 Not with that shirt - 54 00:33
Not with that shirt
54 The secret is is that I'm kind of a philosopher - 54 00:17
The secret is is that I'm kind of a philosopher
54 I'm really really tired I mean I've been screaming all night - 54 00:05
I'm really really tired I mean I've been screaming...
54 Do me a favor Throw out that nasty weed of yours - 54 00:08
Do me a favor Throw out that nasty weed of yours
54 That oughta be illegal - 54 00:04
That oughta be illegal
54 Andy loves it down here don't you - 54 00:11
Andy loves it down here don't you
54 Greg what are you doing - 54 00:40
Greg what are you doing
54 This isn't right Princess Grace is here - 54 00:58
This isn't right Princess Grace is here
54 They're here - 54 00:36
They're here
Shrek Where are you going - Shrek 00:20
Where are you going
Shrek Did you do that - Shrek 00:59
Did you do that
Shrek There was a lovely princess - Shrek 01:42
There was a lovely princess
Shrek The battle is won - Shrek 01:21
The battle is won
Shrek I think he's in hereAll right Lets get itHold on Do you know what that thing can do to youYeah He'll groan into your bones for his brainsWell actually that would be a giantNow Ogres huh they are much worseThey'll make a soup from your freshly peeled - Shrek 01:10
I think he's in hereAll right Lets get itHold on Do you...
Shrek Why are you following meI'll tell you why'Cause I'm all alonethere is no one here beside meMy problems have all gone There's no one to derive meBut you got to have free Stop singingWell it's no wonder you don't have any friendsWow Only a true friend would - Shrek 00:33
Why are you following meI'll tell you why'Cause...
Shrek Listen Little donkeyTake a look at me What am IAreally tallNo I'm an Ogre You know grab your torch and pitchforksDoesn't that bother youNopeReally Really reallyOhMan I like you What's your nameA Shrek - Shrek 00:32
Listen Little donkeyTake a look at me What am IAreally...
Shrek Uh look at thatWho would wanna live in a place like thatThat would be my homeOh it is lovely Just beautiful You know you're quite a decoratorIt's amazing what you did with such a modest budgetI like that boulder That is a nice boulder - Shrek 00:23
Uh look at thatWho would wanna live in a place like thatThat...
Shrek I guess you don't entertain much do youI like my privacyYou know I do to That's another thing we have in commonLike I hate it when you got somebody in your face You try to give them a hint and they won't leaveAnd then there's that big occurred silence you - Shrek 01:28
I guess you don't entertain much do youI like my...
Shrek This is going to be fun We can stay up late swap the manly storiesAnd in the morningI'm making wafflesWhere do I sleepOutsideOh a I guess that's cool You know I don't know you and you don't know meso I guess outside is best for meHere I goGood nightI do - Shrek 00:34
This is going to be fun We can stay up late swap the manly...
Shrek I found some cheese Awful stuff - Shrek 00:07
I found some cheese Awful stuff
Shrek Oh no no no Death prods off the tableWhere would we supposed to put her The bed's takenWhat - Shrek 00:12
Oh no no no Death prods off the tableWhere would we supposed...
Shrek I live in a swamp I've put up signs I'm a terrifying OgreWhat do I have to do to get a little privacy - Shrek 00:14
I live in a swamp I've put up signs I'm a...
Shrek Who knows where this Farquaad guy isOh I do I know where he isDoes anyone else know where to find himAnyone at all Me AnyoneOh pick me I know Me me - Shrek 00:22
Who knows where this Farquaad guy isOh I do I know where he...
Shrek So That must be lord Farquaad's castleAha that's the placeDo you think maybe he's compensating for something - Shrek 00:14
So That must be lord Farquaad's castleAha that's...
Shrek Welcome to Duloc Such a perfect townHere we have some rules Let us lay them downDon't make waves stay in line And we'll get along fineDuloc is a perfect placePlease keep off of the grass Shine your shoes wipe your faceDuloc is Duloc isDuloc is a perfect - Shrek 00:43
Welcome to Duloc Such a perfect townHere we have some rules...
Shrek All right You're going the right way for smack bottomSorry about that - Shrek 00:06
All right You're going the right way for smack...
Shrek What is thatUgh it's hideousOh that's not very niceIt's just a donkey - Shrek 00:12
What is thatUgh it's hideousOh that's not very...
Shrek Knights New plan The one who kills the Ogre will be named championHow about himOh hey Now come onCan't we just settle this over a pintNoAll right thenCome on - Shrek 00:29
Knights New plan The one who kills the Ogre will be named...
Shrek Okay let me get this straight You're gonna go fight a dragonand rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swampwhich you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first placeIs that about right You know whatMaybe there's a - Shrek 00:15
Okay let me get this straight You're gonna go fight a...
Shrek Ok let me get this straightWe gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swampwhich you only don't have 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first placeIs that about right You know whatMaybe there is a - Shrek 00:14
Ok let me get this straightWe gonna go find the dragon and...
Shrek I don't get it Shrek Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on themYou know Grab his bones to make you brave You know the whole Ogre trickOh you know what Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plateGot a knife cut open - Shrek 00:25
I don't get it Shrek Why didn't you just pull some...
Shrek For your information there is a lot more to Ogres than people thinkExample ExampleOK A a m Ogres are like onionsThey stink Yes noO they make you cry NoOh you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start little wild hairsNo Layers Onions have - Shrek 01:18
For your information there is a lot more to Ogres than...
Shrek Don't do thatOh I'm sorry Do whatOh This Yes thatYes yes Do it OKNo Shrek I'm doing it - Shrek 00:19
Don't do thatOh I'm sorry Do whatOh This Yes...
Shrek That will do Donkey that will do - Shrek 00:06
That will do Donkey that will do
Shrek Donkey Two things OkShut up - Shrek 00:08
Donkey Two things OkShut up
Shrek Now go over there and see if you can find any stairsStairs I thought we were looking for the princessThe princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest towerWhat makes you think she'll be thereI read it in a book onceCool You handle the - Shrek 00:20
Now go over there and see if you can find any stairsStairs I...
Shrek Hey what are you doing You know you should sweep me out of my feetOut through the window and down the rope by to your valued steedYou've had a lot of time to plan this haven't you - Shrek 00:11
Hey what are you doing You know you should sweep me out of...
Shrek You didn't slay the dragon It's not my job to do this Now come onBut this isn't rightThat's what all the other knights didYeah Right before they burst in the flameThat's not the point - Shrek 00:19
You didn't slay the dragon It's not my job to do...
Shrek Wait Where are you going Exit is over thereWell I have to save my assWhat kind of knight are youOne of a kind - Shrek 00:15
Wait Where are you going Exit is over thereWell I have to...
Shrek The battle is won You may remove your helmet good sir knightAah no Why notI have helmet hairPlease I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuerOh no you wouldn't dustBut how will you kiss meWhat That wasn't in a job descriptionMaybe it's a perk No It's - Shrek 01:00
The battle is won You may remove your helmet good sir...
Shrek You're an OgreOh you were expecting Prince CharmingWell yes actuallyOh no This is all wrong You're not supposed to be an Ogre - Shrek 00:18
You're an OgreOh you were expecting Prince CharmingWell...
Shrek Princess I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad okHe's the one who wants to marry youWell then why didn't he come to rescue meGood question You should ask him that when we get thereBut I have to be rescued by my true loveNot by some Ogre and his - Shrek 00:49
Princess I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad...
Shrek Hey The sooner we get to Duloc the betterOh yeah You gonna love it there princess It's beautifulAnd what of my groom to be lord Farquaad What's he likeWell let me put it this way princessMen of Farquaad's stature are in short supplyOh no Shrek There are - Shrek 00:26
Hey The sooner we get to Duloc the betterOh yeah You gonna...
Shrek Shouldn't we stop to make camp No That would take longerWe can keep goingBut there are robbers in the woodsWhoa time out Shrek Camp is definitely something that sounds goodHey Come on I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forestI need to find - Shrek 00:22
Shouldn't we stop to make camp No That would take...
Shrek And that one that's ThrowbackThe only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fieldsRight YeahHey can you tell my future form these starsWell the stars don't tell the future DonkeyThey tell stories LookThere's Blodna the FlatulentYou can guess what he is - Shrek 00:45
And that one that's ThrowbackThe only Ogre to ever spit...
Shrek Hey Shrek What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back anywayOur swamp You know When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuffWe Donkey there is no we There's no ourThere's just me and my swampAnd the first thing I'm gonna do is build a - Shrek 01:03
Hey Shrek What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back...
Shrek Hey what's your problem Shrek What do you got against the whole world anywayLook I'm not the one with the problem okIt's the world that seems to have a problem with mePeople take one look at me and go AAA Help RunA big stupid ugly OgreThey judge me before - Shrek 00:44
Hey what's your problem Shrek What do you got against...
Shrek Well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know themPrincessWhat are you doingmon shery for I am your saviour And I am rescuing you from this green beastHey That's my princess Go find your ownPlease monster Can't you see I'm a little busy - Shrek 00:46
Well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to...
Shrek Hey That's my princess Go find your own - Shrek 00:05
Hey That's my princess Go find your own
Shrek Hold the phone - Shrek 00:03
Hold the phone
Shrek Well when one lives alone one has to learn these things in case there's aThere is an arrow in your buttWhat Oh would you look at that - Shrek 00:12
Well when one lives alone one has to learn these things in...
Shrek Oh no This is all my fault I'm so sorryWhat's wrong Shrek's hurt Shrek's hurt Shrek's hurtOh no Shrek's going to die Donkey I'm okYou can't do this to me Shrek I'm too young for you to dieKeep your legs elevated Turn your headDoes anyone know how to - Shrek 00:39
Oh no This is all my fault I'm so sorryWhat's...
Shrek Now you hold still and I'll yank this thing outHey Easy with the yanking I'm sorry but it has to come outNo no It's tender What you're doing here is the opposite - Shrek 00:12
Now you hold still and I'll yank this thing outHey Easy...
Shrek This is good This is really goodWhat is this Wheat ratRotisserie style No kiddingOh this is delicious Well they also great in stewsNow I don't mean to brag but I make a mean wheat rat stewI guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow nightMaybe - Shrek 01:16
This is good This is really goodWhat is this Wheat...
Shrek Ahh Now I really see what's going on hereOh what are you talking aboutHey I don't wanna even hear Look I'm an animal and I got instinctsAnd I know that you two are digging on each other I can feel itOh you're crazy I'm just bringing her back to FarquaadOh - Shrek 00:44
Ahh Now I really see what's going on hereOh what are...
Shrek Shrek I want to go with you I told you didn't IYou're not coming home with me I live alone My swamp me and nobody elseUnderstand Nobody Especially useless pathetic annoying talking donkeysBut I thought Yeah You know what You thought wrong - Shrek 00:23
Shrek I want to go with you I told you didn't...
Shrek DonkeyWhat are you doingI was thinking of all the people you would recognize a wall when you see oneWell yeah But the wall supposed to go around my swamp Not through itIt is around your half See That's your half and this is my halfOh your halfYes my half - Shrek 00:27
DonkeyWhat are you doingI was thinking of all the people you...
Shrek Back off No you back off - Shrek 00:13
Back off No you back off
Shrek Back off No You back offThis is my swamp Our swampLet go Donkey You let goStubborn jackass Smelly OgreFineHey hey come back here I'm not through with you yetWell I'm through with you Well you know You were always me me meWell guess what Now it's my turnSo - Shrek 01:52
Back off No You back offThis is my swamp Our swampLet go...
Shrek Oh yeah Well if I treated you so bad how come you came backBecause that's what friend do They forgive each otherOh yeah You're right Donkey I forgive you for stabbing me in the back - Shrek 00:16
Oh yeah Well if I treated you so bad how come you came...
Shrek So What did Fiona said about meWhy are you asking me for Why don't you just go ask herThe wedding We'll never make it in timeNever fear For where there is a will there is a wayAnd I have I wayDonkeyI guess this is just my act of magnetism Oh come here - Shrek 00:34
So What did Fiona said about meWhy are you asking me for Why...
Shrek What are you talking about It's the line it's the line you got to wait forThe priest is going to say Speak now or forever hold your peaceAnd that's where you say I objectI don't have time for this Wait wait What are you doing Listen to meLook you love - Shrek 00:29
What are you talking about It's the line it's the...
Shrek He all ready said it Oh for 'the love of pit' - Shrek 00:06
He all ready said it Oh for 'the love of pit'
Shrek What are you doing here Really it's rude enough being alive when no one wants youBut showing up uninvited to a weddingFiona I need to talk to you Oh now you wanna talkWell it's a little late for that So if you'll excuse meBut you can't marry him And why - Shrek 01:01
What are you doing here Really it's rude enough being...
Shrek I wanted to show you beforeWell That explains a lot - Shrek 00:32
I wanted to show you beforeWell That explains a lot
Shrek Fiona Yes ShrekI love youReallyReally reallyI love you too - Shrek 00:22
Fiona Yes ShrekI love youReallyReally reallyI love you too
Mystery, Alaska Do you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here - Mystery, Alaska 00:05
Do you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here
Austin Powers in Goldmember Using my time machine l shaIl travel back to 1975pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the futureAnd the best part of this plan isno one can stop meNot evenAustin PowersLAUGHS MANlACALLYALL LAUGHlNGNot so fastYou're surrounded Dr Evil - Austin Powers in Goldmember 00:34
Using my time machine l shaIl travel back to 1975pick up...
Austin Powers in Goldmember L am a sexy beast - Austin Powers in Goldmember 00:04
L am a sexy beast
Austin Powers in Goldmember Of course Your name is - Austin Powers in Goldmember 00:35
Of course Your name is