Patton Oswalt Quotes & Movies

MC State Professor

22 Jump Street poster

22 Jump Street Max

The Secret Life of Pets 2 poster

The Secret Life of Pets 2 Remy

Ratatouille poster

Ratatouille Delmer Darion

Magnolia poster

Magnolia Todd Maher

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty poster

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Blue Collar Guy

Man on the Moon poster

Man on the Moon Officer Frank

Please Stand By poster

Please Stand By Mr. _______'s White Voice (voice)

Sorry to Bother You poster

Sorry to Bother You Larry

Calendar Girls poster

Calendar Girls Ozzie Boone

Odd Thomas poster

Odd Thomas Roache

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World poster

Seeking a Friend for the End of the... Clerk at Inpound Office

Taxi poster

Blade: Trinity poster

Blade: Trinity Professor Dementor

Kim Possible poster

Kim Possible Atom

Teen Titans GO! To the Movies poster

Teen Titans GO! To the Movies Drake

The Confirmation poster

The Confirmation Stenton

The Circle poster

The Circle Stuart Miller

Freaks of Nature poster

Freaks of Nature Matt Freehauf

Young Adult poster

Young Adult Ed Herbst

The Informant! poster

The Informant! Techie Guy

Failure to Launch poster

Failure to Launch Tommy

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End poster

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End Monkey Photographer

Zoolander poster

Zoolander Stingray Radioman

Down Periscope poster

Down Periscope Heckler

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story poster

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story Chuck

I Love My Dad poster

I Love My Dad M.E.A.D.

MEAD poster

MEAD Lord Pyrantin

The Spine of Night poster

The Spine of Night Self

The Sparks Brothers poster

The Sparks Brothers Mall Santa

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas poster

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas Merv Griffin

Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie poster

Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The... Chief

Dude Bro Party Massacre III poster

Dude Bro Party Massacre III Self

Patton Oswalt: Annihilation poster

Patton Oswalt: Annihilation Self

Dads poster

Gilbert poster

Gilbert Paul Aufiero

Big Fan poster

Big Fan Disco DJ

Starsky & Hutch poster

Starsky & Hutch Scorpion

Keeping Up with the Joneses poster

Keeping Up with the Joneses Hammer

Balls of Fury poster

Balls of Fury Pip the Troll

Eternals poster

Eternals Toast A Bun Manager

Observe and Report poster

Observe and Report Dozer - Editor #1

Run Ronnie Run poster

Run Ronnie Run Fred

Sex and Death 101 poster

Sex and Death 101 Elliot

Nerdland poster

Nerdland Jeff Spoder

Reno 911! Miami poster

Reno 911! Miami Self

Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop! poster

Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop! Constable Bob Sweeney

Justified poster

Justified One-Eyed Squid

Squidbillies poster

Squidbillies Boomer

Crank Yankers poster

Crank Yankers Franz

Gravity Falls poster

Gravity Falls Elton John Impersonator

Flight of the Conchords poster

Flight of the Conchords Joshua Beard

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! poster

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Unattractive Giant Monster

Futurama poster

SpongeBob SquarePants poster

SpongeBob SquarePants Boozehammer of Galen

Reno 911! poster

Reno 911! Seymour

The Weird Al Show poster

The Weird Al Show Professor Dementor

Kim Possible poster

Kim Possible Beta 7

Rick and Morty poster

Rick and Morty Pinky Penguin

BoJack Horseman poster

BoJack Horseman Alan Shapiro

Archer poster

Portlandia poster

Portlandia Billy Stanhope

Two and a Half Men poster

Two and a Half Men Dr. Bartholomew Grahsrihajul

Metalocalypse poster

Metalocalypse Wonderboy

The Venture Bros. poster

The Venture Bros. DP

Aqua Teen Hunger Force poster

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Vincent Van Guy

The Sarah Silverman Program. poster

The Sarah Silverman Program. Eldon Michaels

Batman Beyond poster

Batman Beyond Chuck Colson

Gaslit poster

The Ghost and Molly McGee poster

The Ghost and Molly McGee Male Nurse Jackie

Community poster

Community The Atom

Teen Titans Go! poster

Teen Titans Go! Moody Foodie

Bob's Burgers poster

Bob's Burgers Gills

The Boys poster

The Boys Nom Nom

We Bare Bears poster

We Bare Bears Matthew the Raven

The Sandman poster

The Sandman Nom Nom

We Bare Bears: The Movie poster

We Bare Bears: The Movie Spot 73

Star Trek: Picard poster

Star Trek: Picard Self

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee poster

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Mr. Fluffenfold

Big City Greens poster

Big City Greens Mr. McSnorter

Mickey and the Roadster Racers poster

Mickey and the Roadster Racers Cosmo Krank

The Batman poster

The Batman Uncle Ben

Marvel's Spider-Man poster

Marvel's Spider-Man TSA Guard

Inside Job poster

Inside Job J. Castleman

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend poster

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Mr. Sparkle

Big Hero 6 The Series poster

Big Hero 6 The Series Francisco

The Adventures of Puss in Boots poster

The Adventures of Puss in Boots Patton Oswalt

What We Do in the Shadows poster

What We Do in the Shadows Commander Lancaster

Space Force poster

Mighty Med poster

Mighty Med Dr. Hasmedi

Santa Clarita Diet poster

Santa Clarita Diet Leon

Reaper poster

80 for Brady poster

80 for Brady Self

George Carlin's American Dream poster

George Carlin's American Dream Space Police Chief

Space Cop poster

Space Cop Joel Mynor

Dollhouse poster

NewsRadio poster

NewsRadio Stinky

Grimsburg poster

Adam Ray Is Dr. Phil UNLEASHED poster

Adam Ray Is Dr. Phil UNLEASHED 3 episodes, 2022-2023

StoryBots: Answer Time poster

StoryBots: Answer Time Duke The Duck Bus

Firebuds poster

Patton Oswalt: We All Scream poster

Patton Oswalt: We All Scream Self - Comedian

Mike Mignola: Drawing Monsters poster

Mike Mignola: Drawing Monsters

Clips with Patton Oswalt

Man on the Moon

Hey excuse me Are you Andy Kaufman - Man on the Moon

Hey excuse me Are you Andy Kaufman

We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to DraculaTurning into mist Kinda doubt itGeneral shape shifting MaybeNot into a bat or a wolf or anything like thatbut another human with practice could be possibleBecause he wouldn't have a - Blade: Trinity

We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when...

The Secret Life of Walter...

Wow How's that Cinnabon taste - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Wow How's that Cinnabon taste

The Secret Life of Walter...

How's the - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

The Secret Life of Walter...

I pictured you as a little gray piece of paper - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

I pictured you as a little gray piece of paper

Remy This is meI think it's apparent I need to rethink my life a little bitWhat's my problemFirst of all I'm a ratWhich means life is hardAnd second I have a highly developed sense of taste and smell - Ratatouille

Remy This is meI think it's apparent I need to rethink...

Flour eggs sugar vanilla beanOh Small twist of lemonWhoa you can smell all that You have a giftRemy This is Emile my brother He's easily impressedSo you can smell ingredients So whatThis is my dad He's never impressed - Ratatouille

Flour eggs sugar vanilla beanOh Small twist of lemonWhoa you...

CleanCleanThat's right Poison checkerCleanerificCleanerinoClose to godlinessWhich means clean You know cleanliness is close toNever mind Move on - Ratatouille

CleanCleanThat's right Poison...

Now don't you feel better Remy You've helped a noble causeNoble We're thieves dadAnd what we're stealing is let's face it garbageIt isn't stealing if no one wants itIf no one wants it why are we stealing itLet's just say we have different points of view - Ratatouille

Now don't you feel better Remy You've helped a...

If you are what you eat then I only want to eat the good stuff - Ratatouille

If you are what you eat then I only want to eat the good...

Look if we're going to be thieveswhy not steal the good stuff in the kitchenwhere nothing is poisonedFirst of all we are not thievesSecondly stay out of the kitchen and away from the humansIt's dangerousRemy I know I'm supposed to hate humansbut there's - Ratatouille

Look if we're going to be thieveswhy not steal the good...

Gusteau on TV How can I describe itGood food is like music you can taste color you can smellThere is excellence all around youYou need only be aware fo stop and savor itRemy Oh Gusteau was rightOh yeahOh amazingEach flavor was totally uniqueBut combine - Ratatouille

Gusteau on TV How can I describe itGood food is like music...

Remy: Oh, Gusteau was right. - Ratatouille

Remy: Oh, Gusteau was right.

Why are you walking like thatI don't want to constantly have to wash my pawsDid you ever think about how we walk on the same pawsthat we handle food withYou ever think about what we put into our mouthsAll the timeWhen I eat I don't want to taste - Ratatouille

Why are you walking like thatI don't want to constantly...

But we're supposed to return to the colonybefore sundown or you know dad's gonnaEmileThere are possibilities unexplored hereWe got to cook thisNow exactly how we cook this is the realYeah - Ratatouille

But we're supposed to return to the colonybefore...

The key is to keep turning itGet the smoky flavor nice and evenThat storm's getting closerHey Remy you think that maybe we shouldn't be soYou got to taste thisThis is it's got this kind of It's burny meltyIt's not really a smoky taste It's a certain it's - Ratatouille

The key is to keep turning itGet the smoky flavor nice and...

Wait You readWell not excessively Oh man Does dad knowYou could fill a book a lot of books with things dad doesn't knowAnd they have which is why I read Which is also our secretI don't like secretsAll this cooking and reading and TV watchingwhile we read - Ratatouille

Wait You readWell not excessively Oh man Does dad knowYou...

Remy: I waited for a souna, a voice, a sign, something. - Ratatouille

Remy: I waited for a souna, a voice, a sign, something.

Gusteau's Your restaurantYou've led me to your restaurantIt seems as though I have Yes There it is I have led you to it - Ratatouille

Gusteau's Your restaurantYou've led me to your...

I can't believe itA real gourmet kitchen and I get to watchYou've read my book Let us see how much you know huhWhich one is the chefOh UhOh that guy Very goodWho is next in commandThe sous chef ThereThe sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's - Ratatouille

I can't believe itA real gourmet kitchen and I get to...

How do you know What do I always sayAnyone can cookWell yeah anyone can That doesn't mean that anyone should - Ratatouille

How do you know What do I always sayAnyone can cookWell yeah...

What is he doing No No No this is terribleHe's ruining the soup And nobody's noticingIt's your restaurant Do somethingWhat can I do I am a figment of your imaginationBut he's ruining the soup We got to tell someone that he's - Ratatouille

What is he doing No No No this is terribleHe's ruining...

Colette Table five coming up right nowLalo Coming down the line Colette SetColette Hot Open ovenHorst Coming aroundColette Oui chef One filet mignon three lamb two duckHorst Fire those soufflés for table six jaColette Five minutes chef Oh godTonight I'd - Ratatouille

Colette Table five coming up right nowLalo Coming down the...

Wait What do you mean waitYou're the reason I'm in this messSomeone is asking about your soup - Ratatouille

Wait What do you mean waitYou're the reason I'm in...

You were escaping Oh yeah - Ratatouille

You were escaping Oh yeah

That's strangely involuntary! - Ratatouille

That's strangely involuntary!

And what are you eatingI don't really knowI think it was some sort of wrapper onceWhat No You're in Paris now baby My townNo brother of mine eats rejectamenta in my town - Ratatouille

And what are you eatingI don't really knowI think it...

I brought you something toNo no no noSpit that out right nowI have got to teach you about food Close your eyesNow take a bite of no No NoDon't just hork it down Too late - Ratatouille

I brought you something toNo no no noSpit that out right...

Creamy salty sweet an oaky nuttinessYou detect that Oh I'm detecting nuttiness - Ratatouille

Creamy salty sweet an oaky nuttinessYou detect that Oh...

I'm tired of taking I want to make things - Ratatouille

I'm tired of taking I want to make things

Take a good long look RemyNow this is what happenswhen a rat gets a little too comfortable around humansThe world we live in belongs to the enemyWe must live carefullyWe look out for our own kind RemyWhen all is said and done we're all we've gotNo WhatNo - Ratatouille

Take a good long look RemyNow this is what happenswhen a rat...

When I added that extra ingredientinstead of following the recipe like you saidthat wasn't me eitherWhat do you mean I mean I wouldn't have done thatI would've followed the recipeI would've followed your adviceI would've followed your advice to the ends - Ratatouille

When I added that extra ingredientinstead of following the...

Remy what are you doing in hereOkay Emile shows up withOkay I said not to I told him He goes and blabs toYeah it's a disasterAnyway they're hungry the food safe is locked and I need the keyThey want you to steal food Yes No It'sIt's complicated It's - Ratatouille

Remy what are you doing in hereOkay Emile shows up withOkay...

No. My other left! Remy: Dad? Dad, I'm in here! I'm inside the trunk! What the... Dad! - Hey, little - Ratatouille

No. My other left! Remy: Dad? Dad, I'm in here!...

Team three will be handling fish Team four roasted itemsTeam five grill Team six sauces Get to your stations Let's go go go - Ratatouille

Team three will be handling fish Team four roasted itemsTeam...

Remy: Make sure that steak is nice and tenderized. - Ratatouille

Remy: Make sure that steak is nice and tenderized.

Remy: At first, ego thinks it's a joke. - Ratatouille

Remy: At first, ego thinks it's a joke.

Well we had to let Skinner and the health inspector loose - Ratatouille

Well we had to let Skinner and the health inspector loose

Failure to Launch

Hey I mean come on look at you - Failure to Launch

Hey I mean come on look at you

Reno 911! Miami

I've understood like every third word you've said to me the whole time I've known you - Reno 911! Miami

I've understood like every third word you've said...

Reno 911! Miami

No immunity to bullets Oh God - Reno 911! Miami

No immunity to bullets Oh God

Reno 911! Miami

Um um uh legalize it - Reno 911! Miami

Um um uh legalize it

Reno 911! Miami

Dangle last words Uh he uh uh uh he loved it - Reno 911! Miami

Dangle last words Uh he uh uh uh he loved it

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

It's dead out here and I'm hating you about now - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

It's dead out here and I'm hating you about now

Observe and Report

Think outside the box I'm so sorry Roger - Observe and Report

Think outside the box I'm so sorry Roger

He was rusty - Big Fan

It's gonna be a great year - Big Fan

It's gonna be a great year

Seeking a Friend for the End...

SlNGSONG Do you want to double stuff that cookie with me - Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

SlNGSONG Do you want to double stuff that cookie with me

(line ringing) - I Love My Dad

(door hinges squeak) - I Love My Dad

(door hinges squeak)

No Jimmy it's not I'm doing this to help him - I Love My Dad

No Jimmy it's not I'm doing this to help him

Franklin: You don't have
to explain. - I Love My Dad

Franklin: You don't have to explain.

- The one from the diner.
- Jimmy: Abort! - I Love My Dad

- The one from the diner. - Jimmy: Abort!

Jimmy: So your plan
is to introduce your son - I Love My Dad

Jimmy: So your plan is to introduce your son

Jimmy: She's a total stranger! - I Love My Dad

Jimmy: She's a total stranger!

(sighs) - I Love My Dad

(clears throat) How much longer? - I Love My Dad

(clears throat) How much longer?

(sighs) - I Love My Dad

Chuck: Hey, you there? - I Love My Dad

Chuck: Hey, you there?

- Chuck: Paste. Send.
- (message tone beeps) - I Love My Dad

- Chuck: Paste. Send. - (message tone beeps)

(door opens) - I Love My Dad

Chuck: All right,
foot on the brake - I Love My Dad

Chuck: All right, foot on the brake

Chuck: I will. Right away. - I Love My Dad

Chuck: I will. Right away.

Chuck: (muffled)
Franklin! Franklin! - I Love My Dad

Chuck: (muffled) Franklin! Franklin!

- No.
- Come on, come on. (laughing) - I Love My Dad

- No. - Come on, come on. (laughing)

(car engine revving) - I Love My Dad

(car engine revving)

Hey. - I Love My Dad

And even if I don't know
how to be the best dad, - I Love My Dad

And even if I don't know how to be the best dad,

Chuck: Anyway,
I just wanted to call - I Love My Dad

Chuck: Anyway, I just wanted to call

I'm sorry but I think we went to high school together - Young Adult

I'm sorry but I think we went to high school together