Clips with Paul Reiser

Diner You know what word I'm not comfortable with - Diner 00:18
You know what word I'm not comfortable with
Diner EDDIE You can't compare Mathis to Sinatra There's no way no way - Diner 00:16
EDDIE You can't compare Mathis to Sinatra There's...
Diner What happened I parked the car on a nice lonely road - Diner 00:13
What happened I parked the car on a nice lonely road
Diner That's why you get so irritable You get lumps Ha ha ha - Diner 00:07
That's why you get so irritable You get lumps Ha ha ha
Diner You wanna bet that she goes for my pecker on our first date - Diner 00:28
You wanna bet that she goes for my pecker on our first date
Diner I'll bet you I can ball Carol Heathrow on our next date - Diner 00:19
I'll bet you I can ball Carol Heathrow on our next date
Diner Is he crazy or am I mistaken He's weird - Diner 00:05
Is he crazy or am I mistaken He's weird
Diner I mean we all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of football trivia - Diner 00:08
I mean we all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of...
Diner MODELL It used to be so cool to be older and hang out here and now - Diner 00:09
MODELL It used to be so cool to be older and hang out here...
Aliens How are we today TerribleWell better than yesterday at leastWhere am I You're safeYou're at Gateway Station Been here a couple of daysYou were pretty groggy at first but now you're okayLooks like you've got a visitorJonesy Come hereHey come hereHow are - Aliens 01:47
How are we today TerribleWell better than yesterday at...
Aliens Guess you two have met I'm Burke Carter BurkeI work for the company but don't let that fool you I'm really an okay guyI'm glad to see you're feeling a little betterThey tell me that all the weakness and disorientation should pass soonThat's just natural - Aliens 01:15
Guess you two have met I'm Burke Carter BurkeI work for...
Aliens Do you have any news about my daughter - Aliens 01:11
Do you have any news about my daughter
Aliens I don't believe thisYou guys throw me at the wolves and now you want me to go back out thereForget it It's not my problemCan I finish No There's no wayRipley you wouldn't be going in with the troopsI can guarantee your safetyThese Colonial Marines are - Aliens 00:34
I don't believe thisYou guys throw me at the wolves and...
Aliens I can guarantee your safetyThese Colonial Marines are very tough hombresThey're packing state of the art firepowerThere's nothing they can't handleLieutenant am I right That's trueWe've been trained to deal with situations like thisThen you don't need me - Aliens 00:21
I can guarantee your safetyThese Colonial Marines are very...
Aliens Come on That's a second chance kiddoI think personally for you it would be the best thing in the worldto get out there and face this thing get back on the horseSpare me Burke I've had my psych evaluation this month - Aliens 00:13
Come on That's a second chance kiddoI think personally...
Aliens Thought you never miss BishopYou never said anything about an android being on board Why notIt never never occurred to meIt's just common practice We always have a synthetic on boardI prefer the term artificial person myself - Aliens 00:21
Thought you never miss BishopYou never said anything about...
Aliens Is there a problem I'm sorryI don't know why I didn't evenRipley's last trip out the syn the artificial person malfunctionedMalfunctionedThere were problems and a few deaths were involvedI'm shocked Was it an older modelThe Hyperdyne SystemsThat explains - Aliens 00:31
Is there a problem I'm sorryI don't know why I...
Aliens Busy little creatures - Aliens 00:05
Busy little creatures
Aliens Lieutenant what do those pulse rifles fireTen millimeter explosive tip caselessStandard light armor piercing roundWhy Well look where your team isThey're right under the primary heat exchangersSoSo if they fire their weapons in there won't they rupture - Aliens 00:43
Lieutenant what do those pulse rifles fireTen millimeter...
Aliens All right We got seven canisters of CN 20I say we roll them in there and nerve gas the whole fucking nestThat's worth a try but we don't even know if it's gonna affect themLet's just bug out and call it even Okay What are we talking about this forI say we - Aliens 01:52
All right We got seven canisters of CN 20I say we roll them...
Aliens Well that's great That's just fuckin' great manNow what the fuck are we supposed to doWe're in some real pretty shit now manAre you finishedYou all rightI guess we're not gonna be leaving now rightI'm sorry NewtYou don't have to be sorry It wasn't your - Aliens 00:49
Well that's great That's just fuckin' great...
Aliens Look Those two specimens are worth millions to the bio weapons division rightNow if you're smart we can both come out of this heroesand we will be set up for lifeYou're crazy Burke Do you know thatDo you really think you can get a dangerous organism like - Aliens 01:29
Look Those two specimens are worth millions to the bio...
Aliens I say we grease this rat fuck son of a bitch right nowJust doesn't make any goddamn senseHe figured that he could get an alien back through quarantineif one of us was impregnatedwhatever you call itand then frozen for the trip homeNobody would know about - Aliens 01:18
I say we grease this rat fuck son of a bitch right nowJust...
Aliens This is so nutsI mean listen Listen to what you're sayingIt's paranoid delusionIt's really sad It's pathetic - Aliens 00:14
This is so nutsI mean listen Listen to what you're...
Beverly Hills Cop II This is not my office You damn right it isn't - Beverly Hills Cop II 00:05
This is not my office You damn right it isn't
Cross My Heart Then she's got a shelf life of like 6 days max - Cross My Heart 00:10
Then she's got a shelf life of like 6 days max
The Marrying Man I got into this new business they got up here - The Marrying Man 00:11
I got into this new business they got up here
The Marrying Man And curiously enough Charley's hunch about that computer thing - The Marrying Man 00:14
And curiously enough Charley's hunch about that...
One Night at McCool's Hey Let's go to one of those after hours clubs - One Night at McCool's 00:36
Hey Let's go to one of those after hours clubs
One Night at McCool's Yes I have this great Job - One Night at McCool's 00:08
Yes I have this great Job
One Night at McCool's Thank you God - One Night at McCool's 00:04
Thank you God
Life After Beth You're up pretty early son - Life After Beth 00:19
You're up pretty early son
The Gutter - (screams) - (grunts) - The Gutter 00:41
- (screams) - (grunts)
The Gutter Angelo: Walt's cousins, who started coming around - The Gutter 00:07
Angelo: Walt's cousins, who started coming around
The Gutter Angelo: Okay. (chuckles) - The Gutter 00:07
Angelo: Okay. (chuckles)
The Gutter (bowling pins clattering) - The Gutter 00:07
(bowling pins clattering)
The Gutter ♪ Boss man, I won't answer My cellphone ♪ - The Gutter 00:16
♪ Boss man, I won't answer My cellphone ♪
The Gutter Angelo: As humble and gracious - The Gutter 00:06
Angelo: As humble and gracious
The Gutter - Crowd: Boom! - Angelo: How about that? - The Gutter 00:05
- Crowd: Boom! - Angelo: How about that?
The Gutter Angelo: Linda has secured her spot in the championship. - The Gutter 00:05
Angelo: Linda has secured her spot in the championship.
The Gutter Angelo: If Walt nails this shot, - The Gutter 00:13
Angelo: If Walt nails this shot,
The Gutter (upbeat music playing) - The Gutter 00:32
(upbeat music playing)
The Gutter Ooh! (laughs) - The Gutter 00:07
Ooh! (laughs)
The Gutter - (bowling pins clattering) - (crowd cheering) - The Gutter 00:13
- (bowling pins clattering) - (crowd cheering)
The Gutter Angelo: This is the most competitive final - The Gutter 00:05
Angelo: This is the most competitive final
The Gutter Angelo: I know you guys can't hear it, - The Gutter 00:09
Angelo: I know you guys can't hear it,
The Gutter Angelo: You can feel the tension in the air - The Gutter 00:07
Angelo: You can feel the tension in the air
The Gutter (upbeat music playing) - The Gutter 00:05
(upbeat music playing)
The Gutter (crowd cheering) - The Gutter 00:06
(crowd cheering)
The Gutter (crowd gasping) - The Gutter 00:08
(crowd gasping)
The Gutter (crowd cheering) - The Gutter 00:16
(crowd cheering)
War on Everyone Welcome back boys - War on Everyone 00:27
Welcome back boys
War on Everyone You'd be out on your asses already frankly - War on Everyone 00:35
You'd be out on your asses already frankly
Fatherhood See what is it that a woman has that a man doesn't - Fatherhood 00:13
See what is it that a woman has that a man doesn't
Fatherhood I got a problem now This is a place of business right - Fatherhood 00:10
I got a problem now This is a place of business right