Peter Brett Quotes & Movies

Life of Brian poster

Life of Brian Door-to-Door Martial Arts Salesman

Monty Python's Flying Circus poster

Monty Python's Flying Circus Brian

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Clips with Peter Brett

What We are three wise menWell what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at 2 00 in the morningThat doesn't sound very wise to me - Life of Brian

What We are three wise menWell what are you doing creeping...

We were led by a star Led by a bottle more like Go on out - Life of Brian

We were led by a star Led by a bottle more like Go on out

Hmm What star sign is heWell Capricorn Capricorn eh What are they likeHe is the Son of God our MessiahKing of the JewsThat's Capricorn is it No that's just himOh I was gonna say otherwise there would be a lot of them - Life of Brian

Hmm What star sign is heWell Capricorn Capricorn eh What are...

Well if you're dropping by again do pop inAnd thanks a lot for the gold and frankincenseBut don't worry too much about the myrrh next time all rightThank you GoodbyeWell weren't they niceOut of their bloody minds but still Iook at that - Life of Brian

Well if you're dropping by again do pop inAnd thanks a...

Don't pick your noseI wasn't picking my nose I was scratchingYou was picking it while you was talking to that ladyI wasn't Leave it alone Give it a restDo you mind I can't hear a word he's sayingDon't you do you mind me I was talking to my husbandWell go - Life of Brian

Don't pick your noseI wasn't picking my nose I was...

I think it was Blessed are the cheese makersWhat's so special about the cheese makersWell obviously it's not meant to be taken literallyIt refers to any manufacturers of dairy products - Life of Brian

I think it was Blessed are the cheese makersWhat's so...

Blessed are the meek Oh that's nice isn't itI'm glad they're getting something 'cause they have a hell of a time - Life of Brian

Blessed are the meek Oh that's nice isn't...

Listen I'm only telling the truth You have got a very big noseHey your nose gonna be three foot wide across your face when I'm finished - Life of Brian

Listen I'm only telling the truth You have got a very...

Well what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem - Life of Brian

Well what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek...

Oh I hate wearing these beardsWhy aren't women allowed to go to stonings MumIt's written that's whyBeard madame - Life of Brian

Oh I hate wearing these beardsWhy aren't women allowed...

And all I said to my wife wasThat piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah - Life of Brian

And all I said to my wife wasThat piece of halibut was good...

Look I don't think it ought to be blasphemy just saying JehovahYou're only making it worse for yourselfMaking it worse How could it be worseJehovah Jehovah JehovahI'm warning you if you say Jehovah once moreRight Who threw thatCome on Who threw thatHim - Life of Brian

Look I don't think it ought to be blasphemy just saying...

Bless you sir Alms for the poorAlms for a leper Alms for an exleper - Life of Brian

Bless you sir Alms for the poorAlms for a leper Alms for an...

Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be a leper againI could do that sir Yeah I could do that I supposeI was gonna ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the weekYou know something beggable but not leprosy which - Life of Brian

Well why don't you go and tell him that you want to be...

Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing some peopleThat's just what Jesus said sir - Life of Brian

Half a denary Me bloody life storyThere's no pleasing...

Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat Well Brianyour father isn't Mr CohenWell I never thought he was None of your cheekHe was a Roman BrianHe was a centurion in the Roman armyYou mean you were raped Well at first yes - Life of Brian

Well I suppose I should've told you a long time agoWhat...

I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike a Yid a hebe a hooknoseI'm kosher Mum I'm a Red Sea pedestrian and proud of it - Life of Brian

I'm not a Roman Mum And I never will beI'm a kike...

Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I want to be a womanFrom now on I want you all to call me LorettaWhat It's my right as a manWell why do you want to be Loretta StanI want to have babiesYou want to have babiesIt's every man's - Life of Brian

Why are you always on about women StanI want to be oneWhat I...

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants themBut you can't have babies Don't you oppress meI'm not oppressing you You haven't got a wombWhere is the fetus gonna gestateYou're gonna keep it in a box - Life of Brian

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants...

All right bag of otters noses then Make it two - Life of Brian

All right bag of otters noses then Make it two

Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean People's FrontWe're the People's Front of JudeaJudean People's Front Wankers - Life of Brian

Are you the Judean People's Front Fuck offWhat Judean...

Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to really hate the RomansI do Oh yeah How muchA lotRight You're in - Life of Brian

Listen if you wanted to join the P F Jyou'd have to...

Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the fuckin' Judean People's FrontYeah SplittersAnd the Judean Popular People's Front Oh yeah SplittersAnd the People's Front of Judea SplittersWhat The People's Front of JudeaWe're the People's Front - Life of Brian

Listen The only people we hate more than the Romansare the...

What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called Romanes they go the houseIlt says Romans go homeNo it doesn't What's Latin for RomanCome on RomanesGoes like AnnusVocative plural of annus is AnniRomaniEunt What is eunt GoConjugate the verb to golre eo is - Life of Brian

What's this then Romanes eunt domusPeople called...

We're gettin' in through the underground heating system hereup through into the main audience chamber hereand Pilate's wife's bedroom is hereHaving grabbed his wife we inform Pilate that she is in our custodyand forthwith issue our demandsAny questions - Life of Brian

We're gettin' in through the underground heating...

They bled us white the bastards They've taken everything we hadAnd not just from us From our fathers and from our fathers' fathersAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers YeahAnd from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers Don't labor the pointAnd what have - Life of Brian

They bled us white the bastards They've taken...

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian - Life of Brian

From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian

What Quite the little jailer's pet are weWhat do you mean You must've slipped him a few shekelsSlipped him a few shekels You saw him spit in my faceOh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the faceI sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at - Life of Brian

What Quite the little jailer's pet are weWhat do you...

Oh lay off me I've had a hard timeYou've had a hard time I've been here five yearsThey only hung me the right way up yesterday so don't you - Life of Brian

Oh lay off me I've had a hard timeYou've had a...

They must think you're Lord God AlmightyWhat will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixionCrucifixion Yeah first offenseGet away with crucifixion It'sBest thing the Romans ever did for us WhatOh yeah if we didn't have crucifixion this - Life of Brian

They must think you're Lord God AlmightyWhat will they...

What will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away with crucifixionCrucifixion Yeah first offense - Life of Brian

What will they do to me Oh you'll probably get away...

Guard Nail him up I sayGuard Nail some sense into him - Life of Brian

Guard Nail him up I sayGuard Nail some sense into him

Stwike him centurion very woughly - Life of Brian

Stwike him centurion very woughly

So your father was a Woman Who was heHe was a centurion in the Jerusalem garrison sirReally What was his nameNaughtius MaximusCenturion do you have anyone of that name in the garrisonWell no sirWell you sound very sure Have you checkedWell no sir I think - Life of Brian

So your father was a Woman Who was heHe was a centurion in...

And the bezan shall be huge and blackAnd the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creaturesAnd the whore of Babylonshall ride forth on a threeheaded serpentAnd throughout the lands there'll be a great rubbing of partsThe demon shall bear a ninebladed - Life of Brian

And the bezan shall be huge and blackAnd the eyes thereof...

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astrayum and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really areAnd nobody will really know where lieththose little thingswith the sort of raffia work base that has an attachmentAt this time a - Life of Brian

There shall in that time be rumors of things going astrayum...

You're supposed to argue Ten for that You must be mad - Life of Brian

You're supposed to argue Ten for that You must be mad

One total catastrophe like thisis just the beginning - Life of Brian

One total catastrophe like thisis just the beginning

Quiet Silly person - Life of Brian

Quiet Silly person

You know the penalty laid down by Roman lawfor harboring a known criminalNo CrucifixionOhNasty eh Could be worseWhat do you mean Could be worseWell you could be stabbedStabbed Takes a second Crucifixion lasts hoursIt's a slow horrible deathWell at least - Life of Brian

You know the penalty laid down by Roman lawfor harboring a...

My legs are old and bentMy ears are grizzled YesThere's one place we didn't look GuardsI'm just a poor old manMy nose is knackeredHave you ever seen anyone crucifiedCrucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying thatFound this spoon sirWell done sergeantWe'll be - Life of Brian

My legs are old and bentMy ears are grizzled YesThere's...

Crucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying that - Life of Brian

Crucifixion's a doddleDon't keep saying that

Don't pass judgement on other peopleor you might get judged yourselfWhat I said don't pass judgement on other peopleor else you might get judged tooWho me YesThank you very much Not just you All of you - Life of Brian

Don't pass judgement on other peopleor you might get...

Now hear this Blessed are theyThree who convert their neighbor's assesFor they shall inhibit their girth RubbishAnd to them only shall be givento them onlyshall be givenWhat HmmShall be given what Oh nothingWhat were you going to say NothingYes you were - Life of Brian

Now hear this Blessed are theyThree who convert their...

Hail Messiah I'm not the MessiahI say you are Lord and I should know I've followed a few - Life of Brian

Hail Messiah I'm not the MessiahI say you are Lord and...

I'm not the Messiah Will you please listenI'm not the Messiah Do you understand HonestlyOnly the true Messiah denies his divinityWhat Well what sort of chance does that give meAll right I am the MessiahHe is He is the MessiahNow fuck offHow shall we fuck - Life of Brian

I'm not the Messiah Will you please listenI'm not...

I think they must have popped by for somethingPopped by Swarmed by more likeThere's a multitude out there - Life of Brian

I think they must have popped by for somethingPopped by...

The Messiah The Messiah Show us the MessiahThe who The MessiahThere's no messiah in hereThere's a mess all right but no messiah Now go away - Life of Brian

The Messiah The Messiah Show us the MessiahThe who The...

Now you listen here He's not the MessiahHe's a very naughty boy Now go away - Life of Brian

Now you listen here He's not the MessiahHe's a...

No no Please Please please listenI've got one or two things to sayTell us Tell us both of themLook you've got it all wrongYou don't need to follow meYou don't need to follow anybodyYou've got to think for yourselvesYou're all individualsYes we're all - Life of Brian

No no Please Please please listenI've got one or two...

Yes we are all difterent - Life of Brian

Yes we are all difterent

Excuse me YesAre you a virgin I beg your pardonWell if it's not a personal question are you a virginIf it's not a personal questionHow much more personal can you getNow piss offShe is Yeah definitely - Life of Brian

Excuse me YesAre you a virgin I beg your pardonWell if...

You're fuckin' nicked me old beauty - Life of Brian

You're fuckin' nicked me old beauty

Let me come with you PontiusI may be of thome athistance if there is a thudden crithis - Life of Brian

Let me come with you PontiusI may be of thome athistance if...

Next CrucifixionYes GoodOut of the door line on the left one cross eachNext CrucifixionUh no freedom Mmm WhatUh freedom for me They said I hadn't done anythingso I could go free and live on an island somewhereOh Well that's jolly good Well off you go - Life of Brian

Next CrucifixionYes GoodOut of the door line on the left one...

He wanks as high as any in Wome - Life of Brian

He wanks as high as any in Wome

I'll get you for this you bastard Oh yeahOh yeah Don't worry I never forget a face NoI warn you I'm gonna punch you so hard you Roman gitShut up you Jewish turdWho are you calling Jewish I'm not JewishI'm a Samaritan A SamaritanThis is supposed to be a - Life of Brian

I'll get you for this you bastard Oh yeahOh yeah...

It doesn't matter You're all gonna die in a day or twoIt may not matter to you Roman but it certainly matters to us doesn't it darlingOh rather Under the terms of the Roman occupancywe're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area - Life of Brian

It doesn't matter You're all gonna die in a day or...

Hello Sibling Brian Thank God you've come RegWell I think I should point out first Brian in all fairness we are not the rescue committeeHowever I have been asked to read the following prepared statementon behalf of the movementWe the People's Front of - Life of Brian

Hello Sibling Brian Thank God you've come RegWell I...

You bastards You sanctimonious bastards Where is Brian of NazarethI have an order for his release You stupid bastardsUh I'm Brian of Nazareth WhatYeah Ill'm Brian of Nazareth Take him downI'm Brian of Nazareth I'm BrianI'm Brian I'm BrianI'm Brian I'm - Life of Brian

You bastards You sanctimonious bastards Where is Brian of...

We are the Judean People's Front Crack Suicide SquadSuicide Squad attackThat showed them - Life of Brian

We are the Judean People's Front Crack Suicide...

You silly sods - Life of Brian

Mum I don't know what the world's coming to - Life of Brian

Mum I don't know what the world's coming to

Life's a piece of shit when you look at itLife's a laugh and death's a joke it's true - Life of Brian

Life's a piece of shit when you look at itLife's a...

What have you got to lose You come from nothingYou go back to nothing What have you lost - Life of Brian

What have you got to lose You come from nothingYou go back...

See It's the end of the film Incidentally this record's available in the foyerAlways look on the right side of lifeWho do you think pays for all this rubbishAlways look on the bright side of lifeI told him I said to him Bernie there'll never make their - Life of Brian

See It's the end of the film Incidentally this...