Clips with Seth MacFarlane

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Ted Jesus I look like the robot from Aliens - Ted 00:05
Jesus I look like the robot from Aliens
Ted I'm alive Johnny - Ted 00:37
I'm alive Johnny
Ted Welcome back Ted - Ted 00:19
Welcome back Ted
A Million Ways to Die in the... Just a little taste - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:04
Just a little taste
A Million Ways to Die in the... Louise My God The guy is one of the best shots aroundI look like I have Parkinson's next to him What is thatIt's just another way God mysteriously shows that He loves us - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:11
Louise My God The guy is one of the best shots aroundI look...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Yeah but you're not even a good sheep farmer AlbertYour sheep are everywhereThe one thing a sheep farmer has to dois keep all of his sheep in one place all rightI went to your farm the other dayand I saw one in the backyardthree way up on the ridgetwo in - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:18
Yeah but you're not even a good sheep farmer AlbertYour...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Albert I know everything seems hopeless right nowbut I promise you there's so much to live forReally Is thereWhat is there to live for on the frontier in 1882 HuhLook let me tell you somethingWe live in a terrible place and timeThe American West is a - A Million Ways to Die in the West 02:31
Albert I know everything seems hopeless right nowbut I...
A Million Ways to Die in the... You know what else can kill you - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:03
You know what else can kill you
A Million Ways to Die in the... That is our mayorHe is deadHe has been lying there dead for three daysNo one has done a thingNot moved him not looked into his deathnot even replaced him with a temporary appointeeFor the last three days the highest ranking official in our townhas been a - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:30
That is our mayorHe is deadHe has been lying there dead for...
A Million Ways to Die in the... All right You're going home every nightto your girlfriend who loves youYou're having sex with her and you AhNo Ruth and I have We've never done thatWhat do you mean you'veYou've never had sex with RuthYeah No no YeahWait doesn't she have sex with like 10 - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:46
All right You're going home every nightto your...
A Million Ways to Die in the... No he's a fucking rail road builder - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:21
No he's a fucking rail road builder
A Million Ways to Die in the... Yeah I know that - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:03
Yeah I know that
A Million Ways to Die in the... Me No I'm not the heroI'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirtThat's who I am Oh - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:10
Me No I'm not the heroI'm the guy in the crowd...
A Million Ways to Die in the... So how did you guys meetUh she moved to town a couple years agoto take over the schoolmarm jobOur old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:14
So how did you guys meetUh she moved to town a couple years...
A Million Ways to Die in the... God why are the Indians always so mad I don't knowI mean we're basically splitting this country 50 50 with themThey're just selfish - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:09
God why are the Indians always so mad I don't knowI...
A Million Ways to Die in the... You why are you laughingI don't know He was laughing - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:06
You why are you laughingI don't know He was laughing
A Million Ways to Die in the... No I fired a gun at the shooting galleryYeah but those were quarter loads These are full loadsOkay all right get ready I'm about to shoot a full load at your cans - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:10
No I fired a gun at the shooting galleryYeah but those were...
A Million Ways to Die in the... You're a good sheep farmerOh my God please I suck at sheepLouise was right I can't keep track of themThere was a sheep in the whorehouse last weekReally YeahWandered in there and then when I went to pick it upsomehow it had made 20 - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:15
You're a good sheep farmerOh my God please I suck at...
A Million Ways to Die in the... My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:05
My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug
A Million Ways to Die in the... The last time somebody gave me one of theseI became convinced that prairie dogs could read my mind - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:06
The last time somebody gave me one of theseI became...
A Million Ways to Die in the... A very small bite That's it - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:11
A very small bite That's it
A Million Ways to Die in the... HeyWowYou look amazingAnd maybe a little uncomfortableOh shitI'm totally overdressed aren't INoI've never done formal beforeAnd the lady at the boutique told me to buy thisand no one else is wearing thisWho cares whatThese are all fuckers You look - A Million Ways to Die in the West 01:11
HeyWowYou look amazingAnd maybe a little uncomfortableOh...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Come on let's goNo no no I suck at dancingNo one will noticeHow will they not noticeBecause you suck at everything - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:09
Come on let's goNo no no I suck at dancingNo one will...
A Million Ways to Die in the... HelloWhat uh What's thatNothingIt's a weather experimentOhGreat Scott - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:24
HelloWhat uh What's thatNothingIt's a weather...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Somebody's gonna get fucked up - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:05
Somebody's gonna get fucked up
A Million Ways to Die in the... Class please welcome our graduation speakerPresident Abraham LincolnHiya shmucksFour score and seven years agoI was brokejust like youBut now I'm the presidentand I'm so fucking richI can have all the licorice I wantWhere's my speaking feeI don't think - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:36
Class please welcome our graduation speakerPresident Abraham...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Where'd you learn to shootYour wifeOh snap - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:07
Where'd you learn to shootYour wifeOh snap
A Million Ways to Die in the... You know there are a million ways to die in the West ClinchThere's uh famine disease gunfightsAnd uh wild animals You know like snakesAnd you know the funny thing isyou don't even have to get bittenAll you need is a little bit of the venomintroduced into - A Million Ways to Die in the West 01:00
You know there are a million ways to die in the West...
A Million Ways to Die in the... Hey sorry I killed your husbandOh God That was never gonna work out anywayHe's Methodist I'm half JewishAre you You are NoOh thank GodYou're not really Arabic are youNo no noOh thank God Because I was like Ah kill meI know right No Oh my God - A Million Ways to Die in the West 00:18
Hey sorry I killed your husbandOh God That was never gonna...
Ted 2 Yeah, I'm gonna pass. - Ted 2 00:31
Yeah, I'm gonna pass.
Ted 2 I'm starving What the hell are you doing over thereI'm curing cancerI'm cooking your fucking steak What do you think I'm doingWhat do I think you're doingI think you're bleeding us dry is what I think you're doingLook at this look at this 129 at Filene's - Ted 2 00:16
I'm starving What the hell are you doing over...
Ted 2 Oh newsflash Boston whore has seen Italian penis - Ted 2 00:05
Oh newsflash Boston whore has seen Italian penis
Ted 2 HeyHelloI'd uh like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cerealUh yeah yeah Box of TrixThat's rightI've been led to understand that Trix are exclusively for childrenIs that correctI I mean they say uh Trix are for kids in the commercialsUh huh Uh - Ted 2 01:12
HeyHelloI'd uh like to ask a few questions about this...
Ted 2 Uh huh Look at thatYou see them two white niggas over thereINDISTINCT Yeah WhatLook at them They're so happyBecause they got that little baby keeping them togetherIf they didn't have that babythey'd just be two sad ass white niggaswaiting for Downtown - Ted 2 00:18
Uh huh Look at thatYou see them two white niggas over...
Ted 2 You do - Ted 2 00:22
You do
Ted 2 TED: So, uh, basically that's it. - Ted 2 00:49
TED: So, uh, basically that's it.
Ted 2 You're telling me you don't want this - Ted 2 00:20
You're telling me you don't want this
Ted 2 PANTING - Ted 2 00:19
PANTING
Ted 2 I'm blinking it inGAGGING You got to fucking help meOh my God It's in my fucking mouthHang on I got to post this on FacebookNo CAMERA CLICKSHashtag Grr Mondays - Ted 2 00:12
I'm blinking it inGAGGING You got to fucking help meOh...
Ted 2 Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an accidentWe're so sorryWell I guess it's all right Those are the rejected sickle cell samplesAh you hear that JohnnyYou're covered in rejected black guy spermYou look like a Kardashian - Ted 2 00:14
Look I'm so sorry We swear to God it was an...
Ted 2 I'm sorrybut I'm gonna have to let you goWhat Why I've been busting my ass at this job for three yearsI just got a call from the Labor DepartmentI can't legally keep you on as an employeebecause I've been informed that you're technicallyTechnically not a - Ted 2 00:24
I'm sorrybut I'm gonna have to let you goWhat Why...
Ted 2 Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any chancesbecause the stakes are so significantWe can't just rush into anythingWe got to make sure we're making the right decisionTED We really appreciate your timebut I think what we're probably gonna do - Ted 2 00:26
Right You see the thing is we don't want to take any...
Ted 2 Wait wait wait What's your middle nameLeslieOh my God So you're Sam L Jackson LAUGHSThat's fucking great Just like Sam L JacksonWho is thatYou ever seen any movie ever He's the black guy - Ted 2 00:15
Wait wait wait What's your middle nameLeslieOh my God...
Ted 2 That weed is really goodIt reminds me of the strain I smokedlast summer called Here Comes AutismYeah I was just gonna say it's sort of like this other batch we had calledHow Long Has That Van Been ThereNo it's this new strain my dealer gave me called Help - Ted 2 00:15
That weed is really goodIt reminds me of the strain I...
Ted 2 Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great GatsbyJudy Blume HitlerF Scott FitzgeraldWho's thatThe authorWhy are you saying Fuck himWhatYou just said Eff Scott FitzgeraldWhat did Scott Fitzgerald do to you YeahNo that's his first nameHis - Ted 2 00:40
Oh really Um can either of you tell me who wrote The Great...
Ted 2 His name's Fuck Scott Fitzgerald - Ted 2 00:04
His name's Fuck Scott Fitzgerald
Ted 2 Oh, there's one! - Ted 2 00:27
Oh, there's one!
Ted 2 GAVEL BANGS Order - Ted 2 00:31
GAVEL BANGS Order
Ted 2 Ms Jackson please control your clientor I'll hold both of you in contempt of courtOh piss offI'm standing up for me and I'm standing up for the homosWe deserve respectTed shut upFine - Ted 2 00:14
Ms Jackson please control your clientor I'll hold both...
Ted 2 Teddo you love your wifeObjection She's not his wife The marriage was annulledI'll rephraseDo you love Tami LynnI love my wife Okay My wifeMore than anything in the worldWe're married I don't care what anybody says - Ted 2 00:20
Teddo you love your wifeObjection She's not his wife...
Ted 2 Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse cardWhat do you meanI mean saying his name three timesWhatBetelgeuse Betelgeuse BetelgeuseShut upYou fucking crazy We don't wantthat guy running around in hereNo Johnny he'll be on our sideHe'll help us - Ted 2 00:20
Johnny it may be time to play the Betelgeuse cardWhat do you...
Ted 2 So first we need a historical event Who's got an eventTED 9 11STUTTERS Okay maybe something elseAll right let's start with a personJOHN Robin WilliamsOkay all right for real guys for real Who's got a personTED Robin Williams on 9 11All right we've heard - Ted 2 00:44
So first we need a historical event Who's got an...
Ted 2 If you wanna sit there with a pie of meat Just fuck your own brother in the front seat Oh, why can't you just say please? - Ted 2 00:40
If you wanna sit there with a pie of meat Just fuck your own...
Ted 2 TED So do you say Arizona State University or do you just say HPVU - Ted 2 00:06
TED So do you say Arizona State University or do you just...
Ted 2 TED Oh my GodJohn did you see that She was totally giving you the fuck me eyesNo she wasn'tShe was giving you the fuck me eyesWhat are the fuck me eyesSome women just have fuck me eyesDo I have fuck me eyesNo you have Give us the ring my precious eyes - Ted 2 00:17
TED Oh my GodJohn did you see that She was totally giving...
Ted 2 Okay I'll see you then Bye - Ted 2 00:12
Okay I'll see you then Bye
Ted 2 That barn just came out of nowhere - Ted 2 00:04
That barn just came out of nowhere
Ted 2 What the hellSNIFFSHoly shit Hey TedYou know what this is It's Super Lemon HazeIt's a really rare strainIt's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver HazeIt's totally potentI've only had it once in my lifeand it was one of the best highs I ever - Ted 2 01:23
What the hellSNIFFSHoly shit Hey TedYou know what this is...
Ted 2 Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip. - Ted 2 00:58
Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on...
Ted 2 So listen I got to askWas it just kissing last night Or was there finger stuff - Ted 2 00:07
So listen I got to askWas it just kissing last night Or was...
Ted 2 I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice - Ted 2 00:05
I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice
Ted 2 You're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time - Ted 2 00:21
You're still the best thing that's happened to me...
Ted 2 You get a nose job No - Ted 2 00:34
You get a nose job No
Ted 2 Ted! Johnny! Who the hell are you? Get away from him, you bastard! Ted, you okay, buddy? Johnny, tha - Ted 2 00:38
Ted! Johnny! Who the hell are you? Get away from him, you...
Ted 2 You piece of shitKilling him at Fenway Park wasn't enough for you huhWhat do you wanna do nowYou don't deserve him John You never did You never didI've been wanting to do this for a long timeTED A ha I fucking knew it - Ted 2 00:17
You piece of shitKilling him at Fenway Park wasn't...
Ted 2 CAMERA CLICKING TED Hashtag Shit happens - Ted 2 00:05
CAMERA CLICKING TED Hashtag Shit happens
Sing A pennyHow dare youI happen to have studied at the Lincoln School of Music - Sing 00:07
A pennyHow dare youI happen to have studied at the Lincoln...
Sing Yeah yeah Not me pal I'm here to winThat prize it's mine - Sing 00:06
Yeah yeah Not me pal I'm here to winThat prize...
Sing Hey porky Keep it down will yaSorry - Sing 00:05
Hey porky Keep it down will yaSorry