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Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Ali Wong might be seven-months pregnant, but there’s not a fetus in the world that can stop this acerbic and savage train of comedy from delivering a masterful hour of stand-up.

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New Wave Entertainment

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https://www.netflix.com/title/80101493

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When I told my mom--
She's from a third world country, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

When I told my mom-- She's from a third world country,

It's whatevs, OK?"
And everything happens for a reason. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

It's whatevs, OK?" And everything happens for a re...

I found out at my six-week sonogram,
which is very early. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I found out at my six-week sonogram, which is very early.

And the doctor says to me, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And the doctor says to me,

I've picked boogers larger than
the twins that I lost. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I've picked boogers larger than the twins that I lost.

And most women won't let
their husbands watch - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And most women won't let their husbands watch

I sat my husband down in front of me - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I sat my husband down in front of me

And I used it as leverage - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And I used it as leverage

For 30 days, I finally had
the marriage I always wanted. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

For 30 days, I finally had the marriage I always wanted.

That blows quinoa into your pussy - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

That blows quinoa into your pussy

They tried to freak me out
about childbirth by saying, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

They tried to freak me out about childbirth by saying,

It makes sense, like, that you--
that that happens because - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

It makes sense, like, that you-- that that happens because

You just shit on the floor
in front of the love of your life. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

You just shit on the floor in front of the love of your life...

And just when you think that's enough
to make him finally leave you, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And just when you think that's enough to make him final...

I can already see how a child
can really take its toll on a marriage, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I can already see how a child can really take its toll on a ...

So much resentment, especially when
he asks me to do shit around the house. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

So much resentment, especially when he asks me to do shit ar...

"Hey, can you
wash the dishes?" "No!" - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

"Hey, can you wash the dishes?" "No!"

I'm busy makin' a eyeball, OK? - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I'm busy makin' a eyeball, OK?

Are you makin' a foot? I didn't think so.
You change the channel." - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Are you makin' a foot? I didn't think so. You chan...

I can already see how there's, like,
this crazy double standard in our society - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I can already see how there's, like, this crazy double ...

And it also takes so little
to be considered a shitty mom. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And it also takes so little to be considered a shitty mom.

People praise my husband - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

People praise my husband

"Oh, my God. I can't believe he comes
to all your doctor's appointments. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

"Oh, my God. I can't believe he comes to all your ...

He is so supportive." - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

He is so supportive."

There's nothing for the camera
to see if I'm not there. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

There's nothing for the camera to see if I'm not t...

But he's the hero for playing
Candy Crush while I get my blood drawn. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

But he's the hero for playing Candy Crush while I get m...

Meanwhile, if I do mushrooms
seven months pregnant, I'm a bad mommy. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Meanwhile, if I do mushrooms seven months pregnant, I'm...

You know, I-- I-- I, like, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

You know, I-- I-- I, like,

But mostly out of survival,
because if he leaves me, I'm fucked. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

But mostly out of survival, because if he leaves me, I'...

So, I have to chip away
at his self-esteem on a daily basis... - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

So, I have to chip away at his self-esteem on a daily basis....

To keep him down
so that he doesn't believe - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

To keep him down so that he doesn't believe

I gotta keep him around
by keeping him down. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I gotta keep him around by keeping him down.

People don't tell you about all this shit
that goes down with your body - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

People don't tell you about all this shit that goes dow...

I didn't know that they get dark so that
the baby can see, like, a bullseye. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I didn't know that they get dark so that the baby can s...

And then, you know, they get big--
they get big, like fingers. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And then, you know, they get big-- they get big, like finger...

Like, "You, you. You owe me money, you." - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Like, "You, you. You owe me money, you."

But I'm not gonna be one of those
crazy pregnant ladies - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

But I'm not gonna be one of those crazy pregnant ladies

Hopefully, if you see me in a year, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Hopefully, if you see me in a year,

Now that I'm seven and a half months
pregnant, my pussy's all wet again. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Now that I'm seven and a half months pregnant, my pussy...

But it's different. It's not like when
I was 18 years old, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

But it's different. It's not like when I was 18 ye...

And I was like, "Why is it different?"
And I looked it up, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And I was like, "Why is it different?" And I looke...

When it's straight up soldier glue,
when it's Neosporin. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

When it's straight up soldier glue, when it's Neos...

So, you know, I-- I, in-- - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

So, you know, I-- I, in--

And then, I meet this dream guy,
who's, like, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And then, I meet this dream guy, who's, like,

Got him to propose to me.
Oh, my God, then we got married, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Got him to propose to me. Oh, my God, then we got married,

And, uh, two weeks
into the escrow process, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And, uh, two weeks into the escrow process,

And me, with my hard-earned TV money,
paid it all off. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And me, with my hard-earned TV money, paid it all off.

So, as it turns out,
he's the one who trapped me. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

So, as it turns out, he's the one who trapped me.

Oh! Maybe because he went
to Harvard Business School, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Oh! Maybe because he went to Harvard Business School,

And now, if I don't work, we die. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

And now, if I don't work, we die.

Why else do you think I'm performing
seven and a half months pregnant? - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Why else do you think I'm performing seven and a half m...

All right, I've been Ali Wong.
Have a good night, everybody. Thank you. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

All right, I've been Ali Wong. Have a good night, every...

Ali Wong: Baby Cobra poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Ali Wong might be seven-months pregnant, but there’s not a fetus in the world that can stop this acerbic and savage train of comedy from delivering a masterful hour of stand-up.

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Production: New Wave Entertainment

Genre: comedy

Year: 2016

MetaScore: N/A/100

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Homepage: https://www.netflix.com/title/80101493