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Because I'm a Asian woman
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Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

Because I'm a Asian woman, and therefore, guaranteed to liveuntil I'm a billion

Because I'm a Asian woman, and therefore, guaranteed to live
until I'm a billion

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.794
Because I'm a Asian woman,
00:00:03.878 --> 00:00:07.034
and therefore, guaranteed to live until I'm a billion.
Duration
8 seconds
Views
19
Timestamp in Movie
00:40:12
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
New Wave Entertainment

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Movie Summary

Ali Wong might be seven-months pregnant, but there’s not a fetus in the world that can stop this acerbic and savage train of comedy from delivering a masterful hour of stand-up.
I'm guaranteed, like a turtle from the Galapagos, OK? - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
I'm guaranteed, like a turtle from the Galapagos, OK?
We all know the phrase "black don't crack." - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:08
We all know the phrase "black don't crack."
We don't die. Especially the women, we live forever. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
We don't die. Especially the women, we live forever.
Because we're trying to die. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:05
Because we're trying to die.
We're like, "Yeah! Let me see how invincible I really am!" - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:18
We're like, "Yeah! Let me see how invincible I rea...
Every time I get into a car accident... - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:05
Every time I get into a car accident...
I'm like, "Oh, my God, not again!" - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:12
I'm like, "Oh, my God, not again!"
There's this huge bear claw scratch on the side - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
There's this huge bear claw scratch on the side
And then, on the hood, there's multiple hand prints - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
And then, on the hood, there's multiple hand prints
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm still here, you know? - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm st...
I need to have children to keep me company when I get older. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
I need to have children to keep me company when I get older.
My mom is 80, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:07
My mom is 80,
'Cause she knows that she's got a century more to go. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:05
'Cause she knows that she's got a century more to ...
Life is not Rush Hour, the movie, OK? - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:05
Life is not Rush Hour, the movie, OK?
I need children to be there for me - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:07
I need children to be there for me
And when I say be there for me, I mean pay for me - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:08
And when I say be there for me, I mean pay for me
I'm not trying to be one of those old Chinese ladies - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
I'm not trying to be one of those old Chinese ladies
For them. They do it in their-- their big-ass V. Stiviano visor, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
For them. They do it in their-- their big-ass V. Stiviano vi...
They wear that to protect themselves from their arch-nemesis, the sun. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
They wear that to protect themselves from their arch-nemesis...
Old Asian ladies and the sun are like the Tupac and Biggie of longevity. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
Old Asian ladies and the sun are like the Tupac and Biggie o...