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I need children to be there for me
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Ali Wong: Baby Cobra

I need children to be there for me when I'm older, when I get as old as her

I need children to be there for me when I'm older, when I get as old as her

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.042
I need children to be there for me
00:00:03.545 --> 00:00:05.588
when I'm older, when I get as old as her.
Duration
7 seconds
Views
13
Timestamp in Movie
00:42:51
Uploaded
Nov 02, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
New Wave Entertainment

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Movie Summary

Ali Wong might be seven-months pregnant, but there’s not a fetus in the world that can stop this acerbic and savage train of comedy from delivering a masterful hour of stand-up.
And when I say be there for me, I mean pay for me - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:08
And when I say be there for me, I mean pay for me
I'm not trying to be one of those old Chinese ladies - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
I'm not trying to be one of those old Chinese ladies
For them. They do it in their-- their big-ass V. Stiviano visor, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
For them. They do it in their-- their big-ass V. Stiviano vi...
They wear that to protect themselves from their arch-nemesis, the sun. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
They wear that to protect themselves from their arch-nemesis...
Old Asian ladies and the sun are like the Tupac and Biggie of longevity. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
Old Asian ladies and the sun are like the Tupac and Biggie o...
I also decided to have a kid because - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:15
I also decided to have a kid because
And it-- And it scared me. Like, I'm only 33 and... - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:07
And it-- And it scared me. Like, I'm only 33 and...
My pussy is not as wet as it used to be. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:05
My pussy is not as wet as it used to be.
Do you remember when you were 18 years old, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
Do you remember when you were 18 years old,
All the time, you just took it for granted - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:14
All the time, you just took it for granted
"I slime you, I slime you. Ghostbusters!" - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
"I slime you, I slime you. Ghostbusters!"
I'm-- I'm 33, and I did have to get - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
I'm-- I'm 33, and I did have to get
Because, when I was in my 20s, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:07
Because, when I was in my 20s,
So, my uterus probably looked like a smoker's lung. - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:06
So, my uterus probably looked like a smoker's lung.
And I found out - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:08
And I found out
So, then I had to take these hormone pills that were suppositories, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:09
So, then I had to take these hormone pills that were supposi...
And then, at my writing job, at Fresh Off The Boat, - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:20
And then, at my writing job, at Fresh Off The Boat,
And then, a side effect of the progesterone - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:07
And then, a side effect of the progesterone
So, then I had to find ways to discretely scratch myself - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:12
So, then I had to find ways to discretely scratch myself
I want to be able to smell my fingers - Ali Wong: Baby Cobra 00:08
I want to be able to smell my fingers