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Like, no. Not if you're me, you know
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Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact

Like, no. Not if you're me, you know

Like, no. Not if you're me, you know

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.295
Like, no. Not if you're me, you know.
Duration
5 seconds
Views
40
Timestamp in Movie
00:14:56
Uploaded
Apr 13, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

In her new comedy special, Emergency Contact, Amy Schumer once again talks about her life in an uncensored and hilarious way.
I'm like, "My people are like me. Okay?" - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:07
I'm like, "My people are like me. Okay?"
I think I'm just getting used to failing. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
I think I'm just getting used to failing.
I don't think anybody's failed as hard as I did, as quickly, though. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
I don't think anybody's failed as hard as I did, a...
Okay? Gene. Basic. We named him after my husband's mom, - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:09
Okay? Gene. Basic. We named him after my husband's mom,
But also, to not... - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
But also, to not...
That's why I, Amy, didn't take it. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
That's why I, Amy, didn't take it.
Google "Amy Fisher" when you get home. And, uh, it's not good. So... - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
Google "Amy Fisher" when you get home. And, uh, it...
That's where I fucked up. Okay? I, uh, - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:09
That's where I fucked up. Okay? I, uh,
So we gave him the middle name "Attell." - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:12
So we gave him the middle name "Attell."
We changed his middle name as soon as we realized. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
We changed his middle name as soon as we realized.
I think it's better. We changed it to "Fingerbang Shit-Snatch." - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
I think it's better. We changed it to "Fingerbang ...
They could always drive to Illinois. Just recommending. But, uh... - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
They could always drive to Illinois. Just recommending. But,...
Yeah. People love giving pregnant women advice, don't they? - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
Yeah. People love giving pregnant women advice, don't t...
The whole time I was pregnant, I have this one friend, she'd always tell me, - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:14
The whole time I was pregnant, I have this one friend, she&#...
Upward humpback Jew. That's my resting pose, right here. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:05
Upward humpback Jew. That's my resting pose, right here...
You know, some women feel like they failed if they don't give birth vaginally. - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
You know, some women feel like they failed if they don'...
And the only thing that really comforts me - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:08
And the only thing that really comforts me
I don't know what it is. When I take a bath, I feel like I fill up. You know? - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:06
I don't know what it is. When I take a bath, I feel lik...
But they tell you, no matter how you give birth, - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:08
But they tell you, no matter how you give birth,
They say, "Now, listen, you cannot have sex for six weeks." - Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact 00:17
They say, "Now, listen, you cannot have sex for six wee...