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If I had three seconds inside of a time machine
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Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage

If I had three secondsinside of a time machine, I would "zorb" myselfto when I was 14, for...

If I had three seconds
inside of a time machine, I would "zorb" myself
to when I was 14, for three seconds,
and just go

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.001
If I had three seconds inside of a time machine,
00:00:04.001 --> 00:00:06.422
I would "zorb" myself to when I was 14,
00:00:06.422 --> 00:00:08.999
for three seconds, and just go...
Duration
8 seconds
Views
24
Timestamp in Movie
00:46:44
Uploaded
Jul 07, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
New Wave Entertainment,Comedy Dynamics

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Movie Summary

Half Mick, half WOP, hard-headed comedian Andrew Santino returns to his Chicago hometown for a stand-up special with the authentic taste of a city made of Italian beef, Old Style and deep dish. Shot at the historic Vic Theater, Santino touches on everything from growing up thinking he was black and a disgust with bachelorette parties, to his bouts with severe acne and male porn stars envy.
[imitates whooshing] "In the future, - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
[imitates whooshing] "In the future,
And blow my mind. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
And blow my mind.
[mumbling goofily] - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:07
[mumbling goofily]
Like, I can't walk past a laptop without being like... - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
Like, I can't walk past a laptop without being like...
"Ah, this is Best Buy. I got to go." - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
"Ah, this is Best Buy. I got to go."
They get weird. [chuckles] - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
They get weird. [chuckles]
The problem is-- with porn is, - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
The problem is-- with porn is,
The way that these men throw a rope is remarkable. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
The way that these men throw a rope is remarkable.
They just... [imitates whooshing] - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:08
They just... [imitates whooshing]
It gets to the surface, and it's like, "No, no. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:04
It gets to the surface, and it's like, "No, no.
Go back, go back." - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:07
Go back, go back."
It's like, "Sorry. We're here." - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:04
It's like, "Sorry. We're here."
My wife--one night she was like, "Oh, come on my tits." - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:10
My wife--one night she was like, "Oh, come on my tits.&...
Maybe your belly button, max... - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
Maybe your belly button, max...
I've been watching a lot of black porn, - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:06
I've been watching a lot of black porn,
Deep chocolate, 99% cacao chocolate. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
Deep chocolate, 99% cacao chocolate.
I love watching black porn, love watch-- - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
I love watching black porn, love watch--
The guys get to wear shoes... - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
The guys get to wear shoes...
On their feet. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
On their feet.
Men wear shoes on their feet. - Andrew Santino: Home Field Advantage 00:05
Men wear shoes on their feet.