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Two years old
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Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward

Two years old, already been to the hospital 27 times for eating pennies off the floor

Two years old, already been to the hospital 27 times for eating pennies off the floor

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.096
Two years old,
00:00:03.044 --> 00:00:07.257
already been to the hospital 27 times
00:00:07.924 --> 00:00:10.176
for eating pennies off the floor.
Duration
10 seconds
Views
35
Timestamp in Movie
00:22:50
Uploaded
Jun 05, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
A24

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Movie Summary

Forging his own comedic boundaries, Anthony Jeselnik revels in getting away with saying things others can't in this stand-up special shot in New York.
Anytime she sees me, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Anytime she sees me,
You get to laugh at what I said, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
You get to laugh at what I said,
And then you get a second laugh when you picture me... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
And then you get a second laugh when you picture me...
And most people when they picture it, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
And most people when they picture it,
In fact, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
In fact,
What you want to do, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
What you want to do,
I find that the older that I get, the more women get upset - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I find that the older that I get, the more women get upset
I don't mean joke about kids, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I don't mean joke about kids,
Like, I have a friend who just found out she can't have kids... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:06
Like, I have a friend who just found out she can't have...
Did you guys know the average person eats nine spiders - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:08
Did you guys know the average person eats nine spiders
I don't know if you guys know what a false premise is, but... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
I don't know if you guys know what a false premise is, ...
I think it must have been a stray cat because anytime it gets outside, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:11
I think it must have been a stray cat because anytime it get...
I've had this thing for, like, a month and I swear we have got... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
I've had this thing for, like, a month and I swear we h...
Marmaduke was a Great Dane, Scooby-Doo. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Marmaduke was a Great Dane, Scooby-Doo.
They call them the "heartbreaker breed," - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
They call them the "heartbreaker breed,"
It was the perfect college dog, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
It was the perfect college dog,
Oh, you think I can't tell one more animal joke? Well, fuck you. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Oh, you think I can't tell one more animal joke? Well, ...
When I was a little kid, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
When I was a little kid,
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium.
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the backyard... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the bac...