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Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward

What you want to do, if you're ever in this situation

What you want to do, if you're ever in this situation

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.989
What you want to do,
00:00:03.503 --> 00:00:05.129
if you're ever in this situation...
Duration
5 seconds
Views
22
Timestamp in Movie
00:25:34
Uploaded
Jun 05, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
A24

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Movie Summary

Forging his own comedic boundaries, Anthony Jeselnik revels in getting away with saying things others can't in this stand-up special shot in New York.
I find that the older that I get, the more women get upset - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I find that the older that I get, the more women get upset
I don't mean joke about kids, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I don't mean joke about kids,
Like, I have a friend who just found out she can't have kids... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:06
Like, I have a friend who just found out she can't have...
Did you guys know the average person eats nine spiders - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:08
Did you guys know the average person eats nine spiders
I don't know if you guys know what a false premise is, but... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
I don't know if you guys know what a false premise is, ...
I think it must have been a stray cat because anytime it gets outside, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:11
I think it must have been a stray cat because anytime it get...
I've had this thing for, like, a month and I swear we have got... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
I've had this thing for, like, a month and I swear we h...
Marmaduke was a Great Dane, Scooby-Doo. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Marmaduke was a Great Dane, Scooby-Doo.
They call them the "heartbreaker breed," - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
They call them the "heartbreaker breed,"
It was the perfect college dog, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
It was the perfect college dog,
Oh, you think I can't tell one more animal joke? Well, fuck you. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Oh, you think I can't tell one more animal joke? Well, ...
When I was a little kid, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
When I was a little kid,
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium.
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the backyard... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the bac...
Now, listen. Look, guys. I know, I know, I am aware - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:09
Now, listen. Look, guys. I know, I know, I am aware
In fact, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
In fact,
I might be a tough, cold son of a bitch, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I might be a tough, cold son of a bitch,
My mom was so depressed, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
My mom was so depressed,
I'd say my mom's funeral was like ten, eleven years ago now. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
I'd say my mom's funeral was like ten, eleven year...
Last year, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Last year,