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When I was a little kid
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Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward

When I was a little kid, I had a pet turtle

When I was a little kid, I had a pet turtle

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.334
When I was a little kid,
00:00:02.877 --> 00:00:04.044
I had a pet turtle.
Duration
4 seconds
Views
44
Timestamp in Movie
00:28:33
Uploaded
Jun 05, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
A24

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Movie Summary

Forging his own comedic boundaries, Anthony Jeselnik revels in getting away with saying things others can't in this stand-up special shot in New York.
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Tiny little turtle, kept him in an aquarium.
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the backyard... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Till a couple of days later, I was digging around in the bac...
Now, listen. Look, guys. I know, I know, I am aware - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:09
Now, listen. Look, guys. I know, I know, I am aware
In fact, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
In fact,
I might be a tough, cold son of a bitch, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I might be a tough, cold son of a bitch,
My mom was so depressed, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
My mom was so depressed,
I'd say my mom's funeral was like ten, eleven years ago now. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
I'd say my mom's funeral was like ten, eleven year...
Last year, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Last year,
Now, at this point, I should admit - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
Now, at this point, I should admit
I think the strangest thing in my family, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:10
I think the strangest thing in my family,
When my parents wanted alone time, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:09
When my parents wanted alone time,
Of course, I always knew what was going on in there. I mean... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Of course, I always knew what was going on in there. I mean....
I think the most embarrassed I've ever been in my entire life - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:11
I think the most embarrassed I've ever been in my entir...
You know those stories you hear, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:08
You know those stories you hear,
Why would you choose to hate an entire group of people, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:09
Why would you choose to hate an entire group of people,
Found out one of my family members used to own slaves. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Found out one of my family members used to own slaves.
Do you guys know there are actually more slaves in the world today - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:08
Do you guys know there are actually more slaves in the world...
A higher number of slaves in the world right now - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
A higher number of slaves in the world right now
If you're not laughing at this one, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
If you're not laughing at this one, I don't know w...
Now, I, of course, do not consider myself to be a racist person, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:11
Now, I, of course, do not consider myself to be a racist per...