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Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward

You are allowed to murder your spouse, as long as you just kill yourselfimmediately...

you are allowed to murder your spouse, as long as you just kill yourself
immediately afterwards

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.878
...you are allowed to murder your spouse,
00:00:04.712 --> 00:00:07.757
as long as you just kill yourself immediately afterwards.
Duration
8 seconds
Views
38
Timestamp in Movie
00:44:38
Uploaded
Jun 05, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
A24

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Movie Summary

Forging his own comedic boundaries, Anthony Jeselnik revels in getting away with saying things others can't in this stand-up special shot in New York.
You trying to tell me there are those among you who are still skeptical? - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
You trying to tell me there are those among you who are stil...
You saying there are people here right now who still don't believe me - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:08
You saying there are people here right now who still don...
But if you're walking down the street, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:12
But if you're walking down the street,
-"Have a good day, sir." Right? - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
-"Have a good day, sir." Right?
Murder-suicide is a victimless crime - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
Murder-suicide is a victimless crime
Now, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:06
Now,
And if you've been on the fence about me tonight, one way or another, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:06
And if you've been on the fence about me tonight, one w...
Allow me to knock you clean the fuck off. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Allow me to knock you clean the fuck off.
A couple of months ago, I took a friend of mine to get an abortion. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:06
A couple of months ago, I took a friend of mine to get an ab...
Get on board right now if you are going to. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Get on board right now if you are going to.
This is a very long, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
This is a very long,
I took my friend to get an abortion. Don't worry, guys, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
I took my friend to get an abortion. Don't worry, guys,
Ever helped someone to get an abortion. It's a big favor. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Ever helped someone to get an abortion. It's a big favo...
Not an easy favor, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Not an easy favor,
Don't get me wrong, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Don't get me wrong,
The whole time I'm driving her, I'm just thinking to myself, "God damn. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
The whole time I'm driving her, I'm just thinking ...
And, yes, - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:07
And, yes,
If you don't want your baby, you can still have your baby delivered. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
If you don't want your baby, you can still have your ba...
Leave it outside any fire station in the country... - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:05
Leave it outside any fire station in the country...
Far as I'm concerned, they've been heroes since before 9/11. - Anthony Jeselnik: Fire in the Maternity Ward 00:04
Far as I'm concerned, they've been heroes since be...