To watch in HD, get ClipCafe PRO
Which you don't
Please log in to add to collections.
Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart

Which you don't, 'cause none of you have ever watched it.Here's the whole sport of...

Which you don't, 'cause none of you have ever watched it.
Here's the whole sport of swimming

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.916
Which you don't,
00:00:01.917 --> 00:00:04.919
'cause none of you have ever watched it. Here's the whole sport of swimming.
Duration
6 seconds
Views
48
Timestamp in Movie
01:01:21
Uploaded
Apr 01, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

Want This Clip in HD?

Upgrade for HD/4K downloads and unlimited access. Upgrade now →

Movie Summary

Comedian Ari Shaffir tackles controversial topics like terrorism, gun violence, racism, and more in his stand-up special. With a darkly humorous approach, he explores unexpected perspectives on sensitive social and political issues.
Can you swim fast? "Yeah, I can swim really fast." - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:09
Can you swim fast? "Yeah, I can swim really fast."
"What do you mean? I was just gonna swim like that. Like, no? That's the best way." - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:10
"What do you mean? I was just gonna swim like that. Lik...
[chuckles] - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:13
[chuckles]
Guys, when I have-- When I sometimes I go out for spicy food, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:09
Guys, when I have-- When I sometimes I go out for spicy food...
Yeah. Sometimes just a few drops, you know? And then sometimes it's a lot. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:06
Yeah. Sometimes just a few drops, you know? And then sometim...
And it just won't stop, and so I have to get on with my day. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:05
And it just won't stop, and so I have to get on with my...
So I have to take a wad of toilet paper, and I bunch it up, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:07
So I have to take a wad of toilet paper, and I bunch it up,
I cork up my asshole so it soaks it up in there, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:06
I cork up my asshole so it soaks it up in there,
Yeah, otherwise, it'll bleed into my underwear, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:09
Yeah, otherwise, it'll bleed into my underwear,
Having a bloody fucking asshole in fucking jury duty. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:05
Having a bloody fucking asshole in fucking jury duty.
Sometimes, it gets dislodged on its own through my movements through the day. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:05
Sometimes, it gets dislodged on its own through my movements...
It gets dislodged, and it'll work its way down my jeans, and come out. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:06
It gets dislodged, and it'll work its way down my jeans...
"Is that a fucking wadded up piece of bloody toilet paper on your floor?" - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:13
"Is that a fucking wadded up piece of bloody toilet pap...
Everyone's mad. They're like, "They were in last place last year, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:08
Everyone's mad. They're like, "They were in l...
Find one. Go to one of the trans academies, or whate-- - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:07
Find one. Go to one of the trans academies, or whate--
Start shoving 'em into a lake until one of them floats, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:06
Start shoving 'em into a lake until one of them floats,
Guys, these "focus on positives" I've been telling you, - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:06
Guys, these "focus on positives" I've been te...
But I legitimately do it all the time. You can train yourself to do it. - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:05
But I legitimately do it all the time. You can train yoursel...
Somebody comes in, "This guy sucks." I'm like, "Look at his pants. Cool pants." - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:07
Somebody comes in, "This guy sucks." I'm like...
They talk about politics, just be-- I dunno, find something - Ari Shaffir: America's Sweetheart 00:07
They talk about politics, just be-- I dunno, find something