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Police Doughnut munching moronsHelp me Help me Help meShhAssault and battery And you're black
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As Good as It Gets

Assault and Battery - and you're black!

Melvin Udall:
Police! Donut-munching morons, HELP ME! HELP ME!Frank Sachs:Shh!Melvin Udall:Assault and Battery - and you're black!

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.586
Police Doughnut munching morons
00:00:04.067 --> 00:00:08.059
Help me Help me Help me
00:00:08.674 --> 00:00:09.675
Shh
00:00:09.758 --> 00:00:12.219
Assault and battery And you're black
Available in 9 languages
Duration
13 seconds
Views
674
Timestamp in Movie
00:09:27
Uploaded
Mar 16, 2026
Genres
comedy, drama, romance
Production
TriStar Pictures,Gracie Films

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Movie Summary

A single mother and waitress, a misanthropic author, and a gay artist form an unlikely friendship after the artist is assaulted in a robbery.

Actors

Jack Nicholson
Melvin Udall
Jack Nicholson
Cuba Gooding Jr.
Frank Sachs
Cuba Gooding Jr.
Meantime, I'll think of some way that you can make it up to him. - As Good as It Gets 00:19
Meantime, I'll think of some way that you can make it...
I hate doing this I'm an art dealer - As Good as It Gets 00:06
I hate doing this I'm an art dealer
- Excuse me. - As Good as It Gets 00:11
- Excuse me.
People that talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch - As Good as It Gets 00:06
People that talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch
I've got Jews at my table It's not your table It's the place'sBehave You can sit at someone else's stationOr you can wait your turn - As Good as It Gets 00:13
I've got Jews at my table It's not your table...
- You have feelings for her? - As Good as It Gets 00:07
- You have feelings for her?
How much more have you got to eatAppetites aren't as big as your noses huh - As Good as It Gets 00:11
How much more have you got to eatAppetites aren't as...
Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh? - As Good as It Gets 00:15
Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?
Bryan says if you ever act like this again, you're barred for life. - As Good as It Gets 00:31
Bryan says if you ever act like this again, you're...
You'll die soon with that diet you knowWe're all gonna die I will you will and it sure sounds like your son willIf you ever mention my son againyou will never be able to eat here again Do you understandGive me some sign you understand or leave now - As Good as It Gets 00:46
You'll die soon with that diet you knowWe're all...
If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. - As Good as It Gets 00:09
If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to...
Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. - As Good as It Gets 00:14
Give me some sign you understand, or leave now.
Okay, I'll get your order. - As Good as It Gets 00:08
Okay, I'll get your order.
It's just so interesting what you said. - As Good as It Gets 00:09
It's just so interesting what you said.
- Where's the bedroom? - As Good as It Gets 00:10
- Where's the bedroom?
What? I don't know. - As Good as It Gets 00:07
What? I don't know.
Grandma. - As Good as It Gets 00:10
Grandma.
- Oh! I'm sorry. - Mom, mom, mom. I was hearing everything that you were doing, so I put these on to give you privacy. - As Good as It Gets 00:47
- Oh! I'm sorry. - Mom, mom, mom. I was hearing...
Oh! God! Well, that'll teach you. I don't even notice it anymore. Come here. - As Good as It Gets 00:10
Oh! God! Well, that'll teach you. I don't even...
It's all right. - As Good as It Gets 00:19
It's all right.