Is daddy home? He's on an adventure, exploring the mountains. He's been gone a long time....

Willie: Is daddy home? Kid: He's on an adventure, exploring the mountains. He's been gone a long time. Willie: Exploring mountains, huh? How long is he gonna be gone? Kid: Until next year. Willie: Yeah? What about mommy? Kid: She lives in God's house; with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long eared donkey and the talking walnut. Willie: Well, who the fuck takes care of you then? Kid: Grandma. Willie: Yeah, what's her name? Kid: Grandma. Willie: Is Granny spry?

Anyway, she seems to like you and your house and Jacuzzi. I sent her some money, so if you play your cards right you can probably get her to buy you something. As for my little helper, I'm sorry to have to tell you that him and his prune-faced mail-order wife will be exploring mountains with your dad. I hope your dad doesn't go sucking shit from them like I did. They're supposed to let me out of this hospital room soon, so get some sandwiches ready. Until then, don't take no shit from nobody, least of all yourself. Your pal, Santa. Hey, loser. I hear your buddy's not here to protect you anymore. I see you got me a new bike. Thanks a lot. I'm talking to you, fat-ass!