Is that your underwear? Part of it. Where the hell's the rest of it? Actually, don't tell...
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Quote
Willie:
Is that your underwear?
Kid:
Part of it.
Willie:
Where the hell's the rest of it?
[the kid opens his mouth to speak]
Willie:
Actually, don't tell me. I don't want to know. What do you want?
Kid:
I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink. But now I changed my mind.
Willie:
Yeah? What?
Kid:
Now I don't want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davy for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. And he can take his orders from the talking walnut, so it won't be my bad thing.
[Santa looks at the kid in confusion]
Willie:
Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy. You know what he did?
Kid:
He made it all better?
Willie:
No, he kicked my ass. You know why?
Kid:
Because you went to the bathroom on mommy's dishes?
Willie:
What the fuck? No!
Kid:
He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man?
Willie:
No. It's because he was a mean, drunk, son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't fair. You've gotta take what you need when you can get it. You've gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You have to stop being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something.
[the kid stares at Santa]
Willie:
Or don't. Shit. I don't care. Just leave me the hell out of it.
Kid:
Okay. Thanks Santa.
Transcript
- Is that your underwear?
- Part of it.
Where the hell is the rest of it?
No, don't tell me.
I don't wanna know. What do you want?
I was thinking I wanted
a purple stuffed elephant, not pink.
- But now I changed my mind.
- Yeah, what?
I don't want an elephant at all.
I want a gorilla named Davey
for beating up the skateboard kids
who pull on my underwear.
And he can take his orders
from the talking walnut,
so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
Jesus, kid, when I was your age,
I didn't need no fucking gorilla,
and I wasn't as big as one of your legs.
Four kids beat me up once and I went
crying to my dad. Know what he did?
- He made it all better?
- No. He kicked my ass. You know why?
Because you went to the bathroom
on Mommy's dishes?
What the fuck? No.
He tried to teach you not to cry
and be a man?
No. It's because he was a mean,
drunk son of a bitch.
And when he wasn't busy busting my ass,
he was putting cigarettes out on my neck.
The world ain't fair. You gotta take
what you need when you can get it.
You gotta learn to stand up for yourself.
You have to quit being a pussy and kick
these kids in the balls or something.
Or don't. Shit, I don't care.
Just leave me the hell out of it.
- Now get on out of here.
- Okay. Thanks, Santa.
Well, go get
the next lucky boy or girl, okay?
All right, next.
Open the ropes there, Marcus.
- I know you?
- Not yet.
Seven cities in seven years.
Pretty impressive.
The store changes, your name changes.
You always get away clean.
Yeah. Pretty darn impressive.
But let's face the facts.
You're a couple of half-bucket smalltimers,
and you, because of
your physical attributes, you found a niche.
I respect that. But you've also been caught.
By me.
So this is how it's gonna be.
I don't wanna take over.
I don't even want to change your scam.
Whatever you guys do, it works.
All I want is a taste.
When the deal is done, we part ways.
I buy a little ranch in Havasu,
and you all take your little medicine show
back on the road.
- How much?
- Half.
- No fucking way! You're out of your mind.
- Easy, Willie. Back off.
I got this.
Okay, 30%. There's three of us.
30%, that's fair.
Half.
- I meant 33%.
- I meant half.
- And a third.
- Half.
35%.
Half.
40%.
Half.
42%.
45%.
Half.
48%?
Half.
-49%.
- Half.
Clip duration: 211 seconds
Views: 379
Timestamp in movie: 00h 00m 00s
Uploaded: 12 January, 2021
Genres: comedy, crime, drama
Summary: A miserable conman and his partner pose as Santa and his Little Helper to rob department stores on Christmas Eve. But they run into problems when the conman befriends a troubled kid.
Comments
Actors
01:20 You shat me outta your womb
00:10 Does your daddy have a safe
00:25 Your pants are awful baggy
01:02 We've been at this for a long time and all
00:16 You shat me out of your womb
00:12 Shit in the other
00:47 Apache Junction
00:15 What the fuck is wrong with you
00:08 What a terrible accident
00:32 Look who's here
00:35 How many times I gotta tell you
00:13 What the fuck is that
00:16 You smell like a bum's nut sack
00:06 You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass
00:13 Are you fucking with me
00:33 Let me fix you some sandwiches
00:32 What the fuck are you doing
00:33 That's the seven dwarfs
00:50 Merry Christmas
00:12 You're bringing my present early