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If you ever need anything you just call
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Bernard and the Genie

If you ever need anything, you just call and I'll be up there faster than a poker up a...

Frank Kepple: If you ever need anything, you just call and I'll be up there faster than a poker up a pervert

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.337
If you ever need anything you just call
00:00:02.457 --> 00:00:08.054
and I'll be up there faster than a poker up a pervert Indeed
Duration
10 seconds
Views
41
Timestamp in Movie
00:14:17
Uploaded
Jan 16, 2025
Genres
comedy, drama, fantasy
Production
Talkback,BBC,Attaboy Films,Miramax

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Movie Summary

After mild-mannered art-buyer Bernard Bottle is fired by his greedy boss and abandoned by his girlfriend, he discovers a genie in an old bottle. The genie immediately embraces the modern world and helps Bernard on the side.
There's nothing left to steal. My bloomin' girlfriend's gone and nicked the lot. - Bernard and the Genie 00:06
There's nothing left to steal. My bloomin'...
Oh lawks a-mercy... I wish you could speak English. - Bernard and the Genie 00:31
Oh lawks a-mercy... I wish you could speak English.
You smell of peppermint and it is time to die - Bernard and the Genie 00:05
You smell of peppermint and it is time to die
So all I have to do is wish - Bernard and the Genie 00:07
So all I have to do is wish
Oh Kevin, I'm worried about Bernard. - Bernard and the Genie 00:10
Oh Kevin, I'm worried about Bernard.
Yes Say the words I wish with the caution you would normally reserve for - Bernard and the Genie 00:08
Yes Say the words I wish with the caution you would normally...
Oh look, sorry, I'm not being a very good host, am I? - Bernard and the Genie 00:25
Oh look, sorry, I'm not being a very good host, am I?
Hot spots, here we come! - Bernard and the Genie 00:13
Hot spots, here we come!
And I think I need a little more practice. - Bernard and the Genie 00:20
And I think I need a little more practice.
Ah, delicious! I'm glad dog meat is still popular. - Bernard and the Genie 00:05
Ah, delicious! I'm glad dog meat is still popular.
It's really cold and it tastes completely of strawberries - Bernard and the Genie 00:05
It's really cold and it tastes completely of...
A little more negotiation and the match will be made - Bernard and the Genie 00:26
A little more negotiation and the match will be made
And? - Bernard and the Genie 00:11
And?
All said and done, not a good day. - Bernard and the Genie 00:17
All said and done, not a good day.
Please be in. Please be in. - Bernard and the Genie 00:12
Please be in. Please be in.
Josephus? Josephus? - Bernard and the Genie 00:08
Josephus? Josephus?
We're dealing with highly-trained villains, Sir. - Bernard and the Genie 00:22
We're dealing with highly-trained villains, Sir.
And you are a very large turd in a horrible pink shirt - Bernard and the Genie 00:09
And you are a very large turd in a horrible pink shirt
Yeah but originally - Bernard and the Genie 00:21
Yeah but originally
One day I was in the temple when they tried to turn it into a supermarket - Bernard and the Genie 00:11
One day I was in the temple when they tried to turn it into...