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Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his family's escape room outing.

Director

Jeff Tomsic

Year

Genre

documentary, comedy

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N/A

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N/A

Awards

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Self

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Ladies and gentlemen, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Ladies and gentlemen,

Get in the shower, get a handful of soap,
give yourself a little credit card action. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Get in the shower, get a handful of soap, give yourself a li...

I go, "I need to know if you're on my team
or off my team." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I go, "I need to know if you're on my team or off ...

On our marriage application,
in her hometown, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

On our marriage application, in her hometown,

I go, "What do we put for three?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I go, "What do we put for three?"

I hand my wife the pocket knife,
and I go, "We have a problem." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I hand my wife the pocket knife, and I go, "We have a p...

And she says, "Why did you do that?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

And she says, "Why did you do that?"

Lady by the pool's like,
"Braid your hair. Braid you hair." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Lady by the pool's like, "Braid your hair. Braid y...

Lay on my back, kick my feet in the air
like a baby getting his diaper changed, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Lay on my back, kick my feet in the air like a baby getting ...

All I heard was,
"Oh my God, Dad's vagina!" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

All I heard was, "Oh my God, Dad's vagina!"

I hop up naked with a knife like
I'm fighting two hookers for my wallet. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I hop up naked with a knife like I'm fighting two hooke...

She sees the commotion,
cuts off the hair dryer, and goes, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She sees the commotion, cuts off the hair dryer, and goes,

She goes, "You know, heads-up, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "You know, heads-up,

First off, they didn't just
see my dick, okay? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

First off, they didn't just see my dick, okay?

They saw all of it.
The trilogy. All three stories. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

They saw all of it. The trilogy. All three stories.

Secondly, I didn't show them my dick.
I wasn't like, "Hey, girls..." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Secondly, I didn't show them my dick. I wasn't lik...

"You almost done your homework?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"You almost done your homework?"

No, hang on. Hear me out.
I'm not saying I want it to be rock-hard, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

No, hang on. Hear me out. I'm not saying I want it to b...

You can't send your daughters to college - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

You can't send your daughters to college

First time they get a guy
and they're like, "Now, that's a cock." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

First time they get a guy and they're like, "Now, ...

Looks like a little boy looking in a well.
"What's going on in here?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Looks like a little boy looking in a well. "What's...

Yeah, I panicked
and did the old Buffalo Bill - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Yeah, I panicked and did the old Buffalo Bill

Enough that the first time
I got a chick naked, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Enough that the first time I got a chick naked,

She's honest, 100% honest all the time.
The other night we're at dinner. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She's honest, 100% honest all the time. The other night...

I'm three drinks in.
The girls go, "You guys ever done drugs?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I'm three drinks in. The girls go, "You guys ever ...

"I didn't like it very much." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"I didn't like it very much."

She goes, "That's a lie.
Your daddy's done cocaine a lot." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "That's a lie. Your daddy's done co...

"Were you homeschooled, Dad?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"Were you homeschooled, Dad?"

My buddy... My buddy sold his company,
made a lot of money, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

My buddy... My buddy sold his company, made a lot of money,

He brought her to our house,
showing her off. "She can't read at all." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

He brought her to our house, showing her off. "She can&...

Sweater on. Bifocals. Reading a magazine. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Sweater on. Bifocals. Reading a magazine.

I leaned over... This is the relationship
I have with my wife, okay? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I leaned over... This is the relationship I have with my wif...

"I wonder what I could upgrade to." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"I wonder what I could upgrade to."

I said, "Yeah, I've been working
with the old beater too long." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I said, "Yeah, I've been working with the old beat...

You ever get your wife close to an orgasm
and watch it just disappear? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

You ever get your wife close to an orgasm and watch it just ...

Then the cat jumps up on the bed.
"Are we fucking this bitch?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Then the cat jumps up on the bed. "Are we fucking this ...

I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast,
one time I had an orgasm and she laughed. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast, one time I had an or...

She goes, "Shit, I don't think
you could've gotten AIDS from that one." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "Shit, I don't think you could've g...

"Oh, oh." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Do you know how soul-sucking it is
to have to fake laugh - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Do you know how soul-sucking it is to have to fake laugh

I told my buddy Tom this, he goes,
"That would break my spirit." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I told my buddy Tom this, he goes, "That would break my...

He said, "I'd respect the fact
that you're a comedian, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

He said, "I'd respect the fact that you're a ...

Taps on my dick,
and I start laughing hysterically. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Taps on my dick, and I start laughing hysterically.

She goes, "Finally, you get it."
I said, "What?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "Finally, you get it." I said, "Wha...

"He does this better than you." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"He does this better than you."

Yeah. We were watching a documentary
the other night on Gandhi. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Yeah. We were watching a documentary the other night on Gand...

All I said was, "I don't get
the whole hunger strike thing." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

All I said was, "I don't get the whole hunger stri...

They don't call me Dad.
They have nicknames, like "Chonk." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

They don't call me Dad. They have nicknames, like "...

Both the girls giggle.
"Oh, good one, Mom." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Both the girls giggle. "Oh, good one, Mom."

Ila's like, "I don't think
you'd find it funny." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Ila's like, "I don't think you'd find it...

What I see is a series of pictures of me, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

What I see is a series of pictures of me,

My stomach drops. I sit down at the table.
I go, "What the fuck is Baby Walrus?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

My stomach drops. I sit down at the table. I go, "What ...

I looked at LeeAnn. She goes, "Calm down.
You actually behave like a baby walrus." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I looked at LeeAnn. She goes, "Calm down. You actually ...

She goes, "Double Tito's and soda,
big glass, no lime?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "Double Tito's and soda, big glass, no l...

Ila pulls out here phone.
"Baby Walrus loves vodka." Click, click. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Ila pulls out here phone. "Baby Walrus loves vodka.&quo...

LeeAnn's over by the tent, cleaning up.
I'm drinking moonshine. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

LeeAnn's over by the tent, cleaning up. I'm drinki...

She's not even this big of a redneck,
but she hates this accent. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She's not even this big of a redneck, but she hates thi...

My daughter Ila pulls her marshmallow
out of the fire, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

My daughter Ila pulls her marshmallow out of the fire,

I was like, "Thanks, Matlock." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I was like, "Thanks, Matlock."

We're in the car one time.
Georgia's up front, I'm driving. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

We're in the car one time. Georgia's up front, I&#...

And we drive past a sign that says,
"Deaf child." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

And we drive past a sign that says, "Deaf child."

Ila just, to herself, goes,
"Oh, well, that's racist." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Ila just, to herself, goes, "Oh, well, that's raci...

I'm like, "What are you talking about?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

We're dumb as fuck
and we have impulse control problems. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

We're dumb as fuck and we have impulse control problems...

Four hours of choir.
And LeeAnn doesn't even sit in the room. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Four hours of choir. And LeeAnn doesn't even sit in the...

She sits in the back and sells baked goods
with friends and chitchats for hours. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She sits in the back and sells baked goods with friends and ...

Meanwhile, Ila and I have to sit
in the front row for four hours. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Meanwhile, Ila and I have to sit in the front row for four h...

Two hours into this choir concert,
choir teacher comes out - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Two hours into this choir concert, choir teacher comes out

Opening bid is $50, and I feel Ila
shaking like a junkie next to me. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Opening bid is $50, and I feel Ila shaking like a junkie nex...

I go, "What's wrong with you?"
And she goes, "Fetus..." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I go, "What's wrong with you?" And she goes, ...

"Do I hear an opening bid of $50?"
I said, "Honey, cut out the riffraff." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"Do I hear an opening bid of $50?" I said, "H...

"Ahh!" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Laughter dies out.
I hear one dad in the back still laughing. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Laughter dies out. I hear one dad in the back still laughing...

I'm like, "Shit, we got a problem." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I'm like, "Shit, we got a problem."

She goes, "What's that?"
I said, "You stand up, you say 600, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "What's that?" I said, "You st...

She goes, "I can do that?"
I go, "If you don't, you sleep outside." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She goes, "I can do that?" I go, "If you don&...

She turns around trembling.
Finds her guy, goes, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

She turns around trembling. Finds her guy, goes,

Sits down, she goes, "How did I do, Dad?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Sits down, she goes, "How did I do, Dad?"

He stands up, he goes, "Baby girl, $700." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

He stands up, he goes, "Baby girl, $700."

I'm like, "You're bidding against me,
you fucking moron." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I'm like, "You're bidding against me, you fuc...

I did. My behavior was... questionable. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I did. My behavior was... questionable.

I can't tell if it's me
or the fact that I live in L.A. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I can't tell if it's me or the fact that I live in...

Like, I think if I lived here,
I'd be like a pretty normal dad. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Like, I think if I lived here, I'd be like a pretty nor...

They taught all the kids the foxtrot
in fifth grade, right? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

They taught all the kids the foxtrot in fifth grade, right?

Parents sit in the auditorium
and we watch kids do the foxtrot on stage, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Parents sit in the auditorium and we watch kids do the foxtr...

Pull us outside as the parents.
Teacher addresses the parents. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

Pull us outside as the parents. Teacher addresses the parent...

"I..." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"Two weeks ago,
in preparing for this dance, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"Two weeks ago, in preparing for this dance,

I want every child in this world - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I want every child in this world

I think we're done, right? Cool? Forgiven. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I think we're done, right? Cool? Forgiven.

Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his family's escape room outing.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Jeff Tomsic

Writer: N/A

Production: N/A

Genre: documentary, comedy

Year: 2023

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 7.0

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 14 Mar 2023

Awards: N/A

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