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Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

I was like, "Thanks, Matlock." She goes, "Two gunshots, Dad.""I follow your math there,...

I was like, "Thanks, Matlock." She goes, "Two gunshots, Dad."
"I follow your math there, big brain." This child will make you stupid by proxy

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.501
I was like, "Thanks, Matlock."
00:00:04.336 --> 00:00:07.758
She goes, "Two gunshots, Dad." "I follow your math there, big brain."
00:00:09.001 --> 00:00:11.178
This child will make you stupid by proxy.
Duration
12 seconds
Views
48
Timestamp in Movie
00:17:13
Uploaded
Mar 08, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his family's escape room outing.
We're in the car one time. Georgia's up front, I'm driving. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
We're in the car one time. Georgia's up front, I&#...
And we drive past a sign that says, "Deaf child." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
And we drive past a sign that says, "Deaf child."
Ila just, to herself, goes, "Oh, well, that's racist." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:48
Ila just, to herself, goes, "Oh, well, that's raci...
I'm like, "What are you talking about?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:26
I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
We're dumb as fuck and we have impulse control problems. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
We're dumb as fuck and we have impulse control problems...
Four hours of choir. And LeeAnn doesn't even sit in the room. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Four hours of choir. And LeeAnn doesn't even sit in the...
She sits in the back and sells baked goods with friends and chitchats for hours. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
She sits in the back and sells baked goods with friends and ...
Meanwhile, Ila and I have to sit in the front row for four hours. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Meanwhile, Ila and I have to sit in the front row for four h...
Two hours into this choir concert, choir teacher comes out - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
Two hours into this choir concert, choir teacher comes out
Opening bid is $50, and I feel Ila shaking like a junkie next to me. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
Opening bid is $50, and I feel Ila shaking like a junkie nex...
I go, "What's wrong with you?" And she goes, "Fetus..." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:39
I go, "What's wrong with you?" And she goes, ...
"Do I hear an opening bid of $50?" I said, "Honey, cut out the riffraff." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:11
"Do I hear an opening bid of $50?" I said, "H...
"Ahh!" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
"Ahh!"
Laughter dies out. I hear one dad in the back still laughing. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Laughter dies out. I hear one dad in the back still laughing...
I'm like, "Shit, we got a problem." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:37
I'm like, "Shit, we got a problem."
She goes, "What's that?" I said, "You stand up, you say 600, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:11
She goes, "What's that?" I said, "You st...
She goes, "I can do that?" I go, "If you don't, you sleep outside." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:12
She goes, "I can do that?" I go, "If you don&...
She turns around trembling. Finds her guy, goes, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:10
She turns around trembling. Finds her guy, goes,
Sits down, she goes, "How did I do, Dad?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:12
Sits down, she goes, "How did I do, Dad?"
He stands up, he goes, "Baby girl, $700." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:15
He stands up, he goes, "Baby girl, $700."