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Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"I wonder what I could upgrade to." She looks at me and goes, "I'd like to see you fucking...

"I wonder what I could upgrade to." She looks at me and goes, "I'd like to see you fucking try." She's all, "You wouldn't know
what to do with the floor model." New car smell with the push-button start

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.752
"I wonder what I could upgrade to."
00:00:05.296 --> 00:00:06.756
She looks at me and goes,
00:00:07.034 --> 00:00:09.001
"I'd like to see you fucking try."
00:00:11.636 --> 00:00:14.222
She's all, "You wouldn't know what to do with the floor model."
00:00:15.306 --> 00:00:17.225
New car smell with the push-button start.
Duration
18 seconds
Views
43
Timestamp in Movie
00:10:15
Uploaded
Mar 08, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his family's escape room outing.
I said, "Yeah, I've been working with the old beater too long." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
I said, "Yeah, I've been working with the old beat...
You ever get your wife close to an orgasm and watch it just disappear? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
You ever get your wife close to an orgasm and watch it just ...
Then the cat jumps up on the bed. "Are we fucking this bitch?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:14
Then the cat jumps up on the bed. "Are we fucking this ...
I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast, one time I had an orgasm and she laughed. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast, one time I had an or...
She goes, "Shit, I don't think you could've gotten AIDS from that one." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
She goes, "Shit, I don't think you could've g...
"Oh, oh." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:07
"Oh, oh."
Do you know how soul-sucking it is to have to fake laugh - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
Do you know how soul-sucking it is to have to fake laugh
I told my buddy Tom this, he goes, "That would break my spirit." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:10
I told my buddy Tom this, he goes, "That would break my...
He said, "I'd respect the fact that you're a comedian, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:28
He said, "I'd respect the fact that you're a ...
Taps on my dick, and I start laughing hysterically. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
Taps on my dick, and I start laughing hysterically.
She goes, "Finally, you get it." I said, "What?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:20
She goes, "Finally, you get it." I said, "Wha...
"He does this better than you." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
"He does this better than you."
Yeah. We were watching a documentary the other night on Gandhi. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Yeah. We were watching a documentary the other night on Gand...
All I said was, "I don't get the whole hunger strike thing." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:10
All I said was, "I don't get the whole hunger stri...
They don't call me Dad. They have nicknames, like "Chonk." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:14
They don't call me Dad. They have nicknames, like "...
Both the girls giggle. "Oh, good one, Mom." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:16
Both the girls giggle. "Oh, good one, Mom."
Ila's like, "I don't think you'd find it funny." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
Ila's like, "I don't think you'd find it...
What I see is a series of pictures of me, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
What I see is a series of pictures of me,
My stomach drops. I sit down at the table. I go, "What the fuck is Baby Walrus?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:31
My stomach drops. I sit down at the table. I go, "What ...
I looked at LeeAnn. She goes, "Calm down. You actually behave like a baby walrus." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
I looked at LeeAnn. She goes, "Calm down. You actually ...