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Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle

"Were you homeschooled, Dad?" I'm like, "Thirteen's the fucked-up numberin this story."...

"Were you homeschooled, Dad?" I'm like, "Thirteen's the fucked-up number
in this story." "Seventeen's normal. I'm so sorry
I wasn't molested like your mother." I didn't spend high school
in the back of a pickup truck in a field all "Next!"

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.877
"Were you homeschooled, Dad?"
00:00:04.337 --> 00:00:07.215
I'm like, "Thirteen's the fucked-up number in this story."
00:00:07.965 --> 00:00:11.844
"Seventeen's normal. I'm so sorry I wasn't molested like your mother."
00:00:13.846 --> 00:00:16.999
I didn't spend high school in the back of a pickup truck
00:00:16.182 --> 00:00:17.475
in a field all "Next!"
Duration
18 seconds
Views
44
Timestamp in Movie
00:08:58
Uploaded
Mar 09, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his family's escape room outing.
My buddy... My buddy sold his company, made a lot of money, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:07
My buddy... My buddy sold his company, made a lot of money,
He brought her to our house, showing her off. "She can't read at all." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:11
He brought her to our house, showing her off. "She can&...
Sweater on. Bifocals. Reading a magazine. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Sweater on. Bifocals. Reading a magazine.
I leaned over... This is the relationship I have with my wife, okay? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
I leaned over... This is the relationship I have with my wif...
"I wonder what I could upgrade to." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:18
"I wonder what I could upgrade to."
I said, "Yeah, I've been working with the old beater too long." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
I said, "Yeah, I've been working with the old beat...
You ever get your wife close to an orgasm and watch it just disappear? - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
You ever get your wife close to an orgasm and watch it just ...
Then the cat jumps up on the bed. "Are we fucking this bitch?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:14
Then the cat jumps up on the bed. "Are we fucking this ...
I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast, one time I had an orgasm and she laughed. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
I'm fast at sex. I'm so fast, one time I had an or...
She goes, "Shit, I don't think you could've gotten AIDS from that one." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:09
She goes, "Shit, I don't think you could've g...
"Oh, oh." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:07
"Oh, oh."
Do you know how soul-sucking it is to have to fake laugh - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
Do you know how soul-sucking it is to have to fake laugh
I told my buddy Tom this, he goes, "That would break my spirit." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:10
I told my buddy Tom this, he goes, "That would break my...
He said, "I'd respect the fact that you're a comedian, - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:28
He said, "I'd respect the fact that you're a ...
Taps on my dick, and I start laughing hysterically. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:06
Taps on my dick, and I start laughing hysterically.
She goes, "Finally, you get it." I said, "What?" - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:20
She goes, "Finally, you get it." I said, "Wha...
"He does this better than you." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:08
"He does this better than you."
Yeah. We were watching a documentary the other night on Gandhi. - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:05
Yeah. We were watching a documentary the other night on Gand...
All I said was, "I don't get the whole hunger strike thing." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:10
All I said was, "I don't get the whole hunger stri...
They don't call me Dad. They have nicknames, like "Chonk." - Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle 00:14
They don't call me Dad. They have nicknames, like "...