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I had a terrible day today
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I had a terrible day today. I can't get rid of it in my head. You know, you have a bad day...

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Max Berman: I had a terrible day today. I can't get rid of it in my head. You know, you have a bad day - someone returns a sweater. I have a bad day - lives get lost. People lose their lives. I'm the chief hostage negotiator for the Akron and tri-county area and I talk people down. Whenever they get a jumper on a big building, they call me. Gerry Fleck: How many people have you talked down? I mean, is there a...? Max Berman: Well, they always jump. I've got news for you. It's a little secret from the trade. They all jump. But today, we had a tough one. There's a guy, he jumps... that doesn't bother me, it happens all the time. But you see, you think they drop like rocks. They don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down. This guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head... [snaps his fingers] Max Berman: pops off like a grape, the body continues to spin down like a whirligig. When they hit... everything pops out. It's like a piñata. The intestines, like they're spring-loaded... pop out! [looks at Cookie] Max Berman: You know, forgive me. I was actually... You know what? You know what I was just remembering - that time with you and me at the lake. The piñata. Remember? Cookie Fleck: Was that you? Are you sure that was you? Max Berman: I think you know who it was. Gerry Fleck: [interrupting] Well, it was a long time ago, and... Max Berman: It seems like last week, I'll tell you that. You wouldn't know, but she was famous for putting her legs behind her head. She could get both legs behind her head. Gerry Fleck: He's like an animal! Cookie Fleck: No, it's just talk! It's just talk. Gerry Fleck: He's like an animal! Fay Berman: Piñata? I don't know what a piñata is. Gerry Fleck: [to Fay] I forgot to compliment you on your luscious melon breasts tonight. How does that sound? Cookie Fleck: Oh, come on! Max Berman: What the hell are you talking about now? Fay Berman: [to Gerry] Thank you. Max Berman: You know something, what you don't understand is... what do they say?... one picture is worth a thousand words. I only went through 125 or 130 words describing that. If I wanted to go on, I could go through 800 words more. Gerry Fleck: Well, I'll take the picture, because, you know... Max Berman: I'll tell you what, next time I'll get a picture, how about that?


Transcript

l had a terrible day today. l can't get rid of it in my head. You have a bad day, someone returns a sweater. l do and lives get lost. People lose their lives. l'm the chief hostage negotiator for the Akron and tri-county area. And l talk people down. When they get a jumper on a building, they call me. How many people have you talked down? -l mean, is there a...? -Well, they always jump. l've got news for you. lt's a little secret from the trade. They all jump. But today, we had a tough one. There's a guy, he jumps... ...that doesn't bother me, it happens all the time. You think they drop like rocks. They don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down. This guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head... ...pops off like a grape, the body continues to spin down like a whirligig. When they hit... ...everything pops out. lt's like a pinata. The intestines, like they're spring-loaded... ...pop out. Forgive me. You know what? l was remembering that time with you and me at the lake. With the pinata. Remember? Was that you? Are you sure that was you? -l think you know who it was. COOKlE: l know. lt was a long time ago, and.... MAX: Seems like last week, l'll tell you. You wouldn't know, she was famous... ...for putting both her legs behind her head. -Fay-- -He's like an animal. -No, it's just talk! -He's just like an animal. Pinata? l don't know what a pinata is. l forgot to compliment you on your luscious, uh, melon breasts tonight. -How does that sound? -Oh, come on! -What are you talking about now? -Thank you, Gerry. You know, what you don't understand is... ...a picture is worth a thousand words. l only went through 1 25 or 1 30 words describing that. lf l wanted to go on, l could go 800 words more. -l'll take the picture because-- -Do you know where Winky is? Next time, l'll get a picture. How about that? -Where's the dog? MAX: Ha, ha. -The what? -Winky. Where's Winky? -Who's Winky? -He's probably with Zach. -Oh, the dog. -Oh, my God! Winky? Winky? Aah! What? What's going on? Zach, what are you doing? -Winky, it's okay, baby. GERRY: Don't move, Zach. FAY: Zach, listen. GERRY: He has a parachute on his neck! -Please, honey, this is what l do. -Don't be mad at him, please. l'll gouge your eye out with my thumb. l shit you not, you freak. Get down! l'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly. Don't look at him in the eyes, it challenges him. MAX: l'll stab you with forks until you bleed. HARLAN: Hey. Hey, little buddy, what you been doing? [lN HlGH PlTCHED VOlCE] Oh, nothing. [lN NORMAL VOlCE] Now, l understand that you went to the circus. [lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE] l did. l saw the Hat Lady. Hat Lady. [lN NORMAL VOlCE] Fat. Fat. [lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE] Hat Lady. Hat Lady. [HONKlNG] Fat. How do you say "F"? That isn't in here. How about "the Chubby Lady." That's easier. l saw the Chucky-- No, that's "chucky." Chucky Lady. Chub. Chubby. -Choky. -Chuggy, chug-- Hey. Hey. [lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE] What you doing, bloodhound doggy? [lN NORMAL VOlCE] That's a easy one, "bloodhound," isn't it? [lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE] Yeah. Yeah. You going to sleep? -The doorman's approximately cute. -The Mediterranean type. -l'll say! -You gotta trim their nose hair. -Hi. May l help you? -Vanderhoof. -V-A-N-- -D-E-R-H-double-O-F. Nonsmoking, two nights. We have you down for a queen. -What are you suggesting... -Shh. Quiet. ...my dear man? Do you want to use a card? -Oh, yes. -Talk to Daddy. Seen enough dogs today? Dogs? Yes. Big show. -There's a lot in the hotel. -A lot of them here in the lobby. Okay. Um, if l could get you to sign here? -How tall are you? MARK: 6' 4." Oh, l thought so. l feel like Alan Ladd at Easter lsland. 6' 4." Where you from? Like, Nor-land? Norway? -l'm lrish-German. -Like Robert Duvall in The Godfather. Bratwurst and shillelaghs. Paging Dr. Freud. [BOTH LAUGHlNG] MAN [ON TV]: Now Robin will make it. WOMAN [ON TV]: Okay. -Bake at 400? -Yeah. For a very short time. CHRlSTY: Hi. -Hi. How you doing? CHRlSTY: Good. -l'm Jana, the production assistant. -Hi. -They're ready. l'll take you on over. lt's showtime, baby. Come on, little poochie. ROBlN: You were wonderful. CHEF: You were magic. ROBlN: Don't forget, Saturday we have reservations. Look. They're having spring rolls. Hi. -Hi. -Hey! Hi, l'm Robin.

Clip duration: 311 seconds
Views: 656
Timestamp in movie: 00h 00m 00s
Uploaded: 12 December, 2020
Genres: comedy
Summary: A behind-the-scenes look into the highly competitive and cut-throat world of dog shows through the eyes of a group of ruthless dog owners.


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