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Blackball

A rebellious young British bowls player teams with another older and more traditional player to take on the Australian bowls team.

Director

Mel Smith

Year

Genre

comedy, drama, sport

Box Office

$48,000

Production

Midfield Films

Awards

N/A

Cliff

Ray

Kerry

Mutley

Bernard Cribbins

Trevor

Rick

Bridget

Imelda Staunton

Alan the Pipe

Giles Wilton

Hugh The Sideburns

Chairman Collins

Kenneth Cranham

Bouncer Jonno

Local News Reporter

Gate Guard

Reporter Dave

OAP #1

Self

Kyle Doohan

The Cleaner

MTV Awards Stunt Guy

Bowls Official

Christopher Godwin

Reg Boyt

The Kangaroo Mascot

Dull Referee

Mark Doohan

Self

Targitex Chairman

Suzi

Meredith MacNeill

Brian Cronk

Geoffrey McGivern

Astronomer

Felicity Montagu

The Advert Director

The Lion Mascot

Henna Haired PA

Vicki Pepperdine

Dennis

Journalist #1

Young Buck Reporter

David Schneider

Fifty-year Old Lady

Marlene Sidaway

Flash Referee

Self

Journalist #2

Secretary

Jess-Luisa Flynn

TV Director

View All Cast

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Explore 337 Clips

Cliff Trevor Trevor

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Blackball

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

The reinstated and record-breaking - Blackball

The reinstated and record-breaking

Don't you think 15 years
is a little excessive? - Blackball

Don't you think 15 years is a little excessive?

I mean, Eric Cantona got eight weeks,
and he kicked somebody in the head. - Blackball

I mean, Eric Cantona got eight weeks, and he kicked somebody...

Seeing as I won't be needing
these anymore, - Blackball

Seeing as I won't be needing these anymore,

They all come from the same part of town,
and in the end they all stick together, - Blackball

They all come from the same part of town, and in the end the...

-What?
-Well, - Blackball

# Land of hope and glory - Blackball

# Land of hope and glory

# Mother of the free - Blackball

# Mother of the free

It's bloody ridiculous!
Eighty hours community service - Blackball

It's bloody ridiculous! Eighty hours community service

At least afford the man who brought you up
and took you bowling every Sunday - Blackball

At least afford the man who brought you up and took you bowl...

Look, afford him an explanation - Blackball

Look, afford him an explanation

Yeah? And I stood by the side
of Jubilee Park bored off my tits, - Blackball

Yeah? And I stood by the side of Jubilee Park bored off my t...

Exactly. That's why I kept going,
and I kept you doing it, - Blackball

Exactly. That's why I kept going, and I kept you doing ...

A potential national champion genius! - Blackball

A potential national champion genius!

-It was nothing.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING) - Blackball

-It was nothing. -(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Oi. (WHISTLES)
-(SIGHS) - Blackball

-Oi. (WHISTLES) -(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Blackball

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(GRUNTS)
-(TEAM CHEERS) - Blackball

-(GRUNTS) -(TEAM CHEERS)

It's burning my feet being here,
I tell you, - Blackball

It's burning my feet being here, I tell you,

-What's that?
-I know it's a little bit big for a watch, - Blackball

-What's that? -I know it's a little bit big for a ...

-You won it on that arcade arm thing...
-(TEAM GIGGLING) - Blackball

-You won it on that arcade arm thing... -(TEAM GIGGLING)

Right, and I reserve my right
to that opinion, but he is your dad. - Blackball

Right, and I reserve my right to that opinion, but he is you...

Uh, and I could possibly have been
a little bit more tactical, - Blackball

Uh, and I could possibly have been a little bit more tactica...

Palm Gardens? Unless, of course, - Blackball

Palm Gardens? Unless, of course,

Now you'll have to excuse me,
because I've got to get interviewed - Blackball

Now you'll have to excuse me, because I've got to ...

Having won the country championships
at a very young age, - Blackball

Having won the country championships at a very young age,

-Just fuck off.
-(LAUGHS) - Blackball

-Just fuck off. -(LAUGHS)

-Stone age. (CHUCKLES)
-(LAUGHS) - Blackball

-Stone age. (CHUCKLES) -(LAUGHS)

(ALL LAUGHING) - Blackball

(CLIFF AND KERRY EXCLAIMING) - Blackball

(CLIFF AND KERRY EXCLAIMING)

(CHUCKLES) - Blackball

You know, I thought you'd instantly
presume I was a bit of a prat, - Blackball

You know, I thought you'd instantly presume I was a bit...

Which means you're gonna have to aim it
ever slightly to the left. Yeah? - Blackball

Which means you're gonna have to aim it ever slightly t...

Ever so slightly. You see, there's bias
in each one of these little ladies, right? - Blackball

Ever so slightly. You see, there's bias in each one of ...

And it's gonna pull it one way,
no matter what. - Blackball

And it's gonna pull it one way, no matter what.

Shops of the West Country.
That documentary you were after. - Blackball

Shops of the West Country. That documentary you were after.

Well, you are! Not only that, - Blackball

Well, you are! Not only that,

These television guys
are so far off the jack, - Blackball

These television guys are so far off the jack,

-BOTH: Yeah.
-Thanks to BBC coverage, - Blackball

-BOTH: Yeah. -Thanks to BBC coverage,

Well, I mean I've rolled
a few woods in my time, - Blackball

Well, I mean I've rolled a few woods in my time,

My God, Dennis, as head of BBC Sports, - Blackball

My God, Dennis, as head of BBC Sports,

I know people might not watch bowls on TV, - Blackball

I know people might not watch bowls on TV,

It might deflect all the flack
you've been getting - Blackball

It might deflect all the flack you've been getting

Train's gonna leave the station, Dennis.
Are you gonna be on it, - Blackball

Train's gonna leave the station, Dennis. Are you gonna ...

Yeah, passion is what makes the difference
between a game and a sport. - Blackball

Yeah, passion is what makes the difference between a game an...

Passionate is what
the cable TV people were - Blackball

Passionate is what the cable TV people were

STA, Sports Talent Associated.
We're the biggest in the world. - Blackball

STA, Sports Talent Associated. We're the biggest in the...

First premiership player
to get six figures a week, - Blackball

First premiership player to get six figures a week,

First non-US boxer to be guaranteed 15%
of the entire take just for showing up? - Blackball

First non-US boxer to be guaranteed 15% of the entire take j...

What I can do is make Cliff Starkey, here,
the bad boy of British bowls. - Blackball

What I can do is make Cliff Starkey, here, the bad boy of Br...

I can make him the hottest, richest,
sexiest sports phenomenon - Blackball

I can make him the hottest, richest, sexiest sports phenomen...

I can guarantee you
that before I get to five, - Blackball

I can guarantee you that before I get to five,

Featuring the "Bad Boy" Cliff Starkey,
as he takes on the Scottish legend, - Blackball

Featuring the "Bad Boy" Cliff Starkey, as he takes...

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Bad Boy of Bowls is in the house! - Blackball

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bad Boy of Bowls is in ...

The incredible Cliff Starkey! - Blackball

The incredible Cliff Starkey!

-Yes, I am.
-You're hostile! Mobile! Volatile! - Blackball

-Yes, I am. -You're hostile! Mobile! Volatile!

-Now burn it down, baby, burn it all down!
-Yes, I will! - Blackball

-Now burn it down, baby, burn it all down! -Yes, I will!

Isn't that the young man
who did the decorating in this place? - Blackball

Isn't that the young man who did the decorating in this...

(TREVOR YELLS) - Blackball

You're looking at, right,
as of this morning, - Blackball

You're looking at, right, as of this morning,

And after I beat Brian Cronk, yeah, - Blackball

And after I beat Brian Cronk, yeah,

Brian Cronk is a 60-year-old alcoholic. - Blackball

Brian Cronk is a 60-year-old alcoholic.

-Oh, shut up.
-Yeah, and if your agent knows so much - Blackball

-Oh, shut up. -Yeah, and if your agent knows so much

In the end. And Hurricane Higgins,
all them guys! Undercoat! - Blackball

In the end. And Hurricane Higgins, all them guys! Undercoat!

The girl who runs these awards, right, - Blackball

The girl who runs these awards, right,

Well, there's like loads of fruit and posh
pictures all over the wall. - Blackball

Well, there's like loads of fruit and posh pictures all...

(LAUGHS) - Blackball

How final is the ban on Cliff Starkey? - Blackball

How final is the ban on Cliff Starkey?

As you know, we at Central Committee - Blackball

As you know, we at Central Committee

This afternoon
we were offered 2.3 million - Blackball

This afternoon we were offered 2.3 million

-Oh, well!
-(ALL MURMURING HAPPILY) - Blackball

-Oh, well! -(ALL MURMURING HAPPILY)

Okay, settle down, because now, - Blackball

Okay, settle down, because now,

Please welcome the Bad Boy of Bowls, - Blackball

Please welcome the Bad Boy of Bowls,

(CELL PHONE RINGING) - Blackball

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Look, Kerry... Kerry, it was a stunt!
-What do you mean, "it was a stunt"? - Blackball

-Look, Kerry... Kerry, it was a stunt! -What do you mean, &q...

That bloke I was fighting with, right?
His name's Mike, - Blackball

That bloke I was fighting with, right? His name's Mike,

-For heaven's sake.
-Kerry, I met bands. - Blackball

-For heaven's sake. -Kerry, I met bands.

Right? I met bands, I just spoke to
a bloke who was on my T-shirt! - Blackball

Right? I met bands, I just spoke to a bloke who was on my T-...

Someone wants me to advertise something,
right, and I said, right, I demand - Blackball

Someone wants me to advertise something, right, and I said, ...

And when I look at her - Blackball

And when I look at her

Anyway, right, they rang her
and she couldn't make it, - Blackball

Anyway, right, they rang her and she couldn't make it,

-I'm coming...
-(CELL PHONE BEEPS) - Blackball

-I'm coming... -(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

There comes a point a man has to
acknowledge his little girl's grown up. - Blackball

There comes a point a man has to acknowledge his little girl...

That there are things in her life
she should be doing - Blackball

That there are things in her life she should be doing

"The Royal Torquay
Bowls Club Annual dinner." - Blackball

"The Royal Torquay Bowls Club Annual dinner."

You love bowls so much because Mum left, - Blackball

You love bowls so much because Mum left,

RICK: In terms of Cliff's media profile,

But what I can tell you is this, - Blackball

But what I can tell you is this,

Britain's drug problem estates are one of
our chief concerns as a company, Rick. - Blackball

Britain's drug problem estates are one of our chief con...

Blackball poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A rebellious young British bowls player teams with another older and more traditional player to take on the Australian bowls team.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Mel Smith

Writer: Tim Firth

Production: Midfield Films

Genre: comedy, drama, sport

Year: 2003

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.6

BoxOffice: $48,000

Released: 05 Sep 2003

Awards: N/A

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