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Jay:
You know, sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places, selling weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Yeah. And be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form... And fuck it. And people would be like "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once." [Silent Bob looks at him weirdly, before two teenage drug buyers start to approach them] Jay:
Holy shit out first customers since our triumph of return, act cool. Teen #1:
You guys holdin'? Jay:
Yeah, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2:
What? Teen #1:
How about a nicklebag? Jay:
[Improvised rapping]
Oh, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong-nong-nonga-nonga-nong-nong. [Teen #2 gives Silent Bob $15, who exchanges it for a nicklebag of weed] Teen #1:
So, ahh, haven't seen you guys in a while. Where've you been all this time? Jay:
Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car. We're cruising down to the boardwalk, fuckin' middle-town cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief. Teen #1:
What the fuck's that mean? Jay:
Drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cops pull us over, they find two pounds of Jamaican Landswolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead. Teen #1:
Shit, rehab? Jay:
Yep yep. Teen #2:
How long were you in? Jay:
Six months, sir. We got six months and two days on the wagon, as a good friend of Bill W's. Check it out. [Holds up rehab token] Jay:
Just got it two days ago, before we got out. Teen #2:
Yeah but if you're holdin' all the time, aren't you gonna be tempted to get high? Jay:
Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir. [Silent Bob holds up a Holy Bible] Teen #2:
Is that a fucking Bible? Jay:
Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son. Teen #2:
[to Teen #1]
What the fuck kinda song-bird Jesus-freak dealers d'you bring me to? Teen #1:
I like them, man. They're funny. Teen #2:
They're fuckin' stupid. Jay:
You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like did you know Jesus was a Jew?
You know, sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places, selling weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Yeah. And be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form... And fuck it. And people would be like "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once." [Silent Bob looks at him weirdly, before two teenage drug buyers start to approach them] Jay:
Holy shit out first customers since our triumph of return, act cool. Teen #1:
You guys holdin'? Jay:
Yeah, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2:
What? Teen #1:
How about a nicklebag? Jay:
[Improvised rapping]
Oh, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong-nong-nonga-nonga-nong-nong. [Teen #2 gives Silent Bob $15, who exchanges it for a nicklebag of weed] Teen #1:
So, ahh, haven't seen you guys in a while. Where've you been all this time? Jay:
Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car. We're cruising down to the boardwalk, fuckin' middle-town cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief. Teen #1:
What the fuck's that mean? Jay:
Drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cops pull us over, they find two pounds of Jamaican Landswolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead. Teen #1:
Shit, rehab? Jay:
Yep yep. Teen #2:
How long were you in? Jay:
Six months, sir. We got six months and two days on the wagon, as a good friend of Bill W's. Check it out. [Holds up rehab token] Jay:
Just got it two days ago, before we got out. Teen #2:
Yeah but if you're holdin' all the time, aren't you gonna be tempted to get high? Jay:
Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir. [Silent Bob holds up a Holy Bible] Teen #2:
Is that a fucking Bible? Jay:
Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son. Teen #2:
[to Teen #1]
What the fuck kinda song-bird Jesus-freak dealers d'you bring me to? Teen #1:
I like them, man. They're funny. Teen #2:
They're fuckin' stupid. Jay:
You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like did you know Jesus was a Jew?
Full Transcript
00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.797
You know I have a girlfriend Randal
00:00:02.835 --> 00:00:03.733
Oh yeah
00:00:03.769 --> 00:00:04.963
What's her name again
00:00:05.996 --> 00:00:06.972
Myra Hodgkiss
00:00:07.002 --> 00:00:08.769
You made her up didn't you
00:00:08.808 --> 00:00:10.503
That name sounds so made up
00:00:10.543 --> 00:00:13.999
No
00:00:13.045 --> 00:00:15.377
Seriously Elias have you and Myra had sex yet
00:00:15.414 --> 00:00:17.078
Well that's just kind of personal Randal
00:00:17.817 --> 00:00:18.806
Come on
00:00:18.851 --> 00:00:21.285
I tell you about my sex life all the time
00:00:21.032 --> 00:00:22.617
I let you smell my fingers
00:00:22.655 --> 00:00:24.316
after I fucked Taton Weathers' kid sister
00:00:24.357 --> 00:00:25.984
in the office that one time didn't I
00:00:26.999 --> 00:00:28.585
You kind of made me smell your fingers
00:00:29.895 --> 00:00:32.489
Maybe you just don't like the pussy
00:00:32.531 --> 00:00:34.328
Maybe you're all about the cock
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Movie Summary
A calamity at Dante and Randal's shops sends them looking for new horizons - but they ultimately settle at the fast food empire Mooby's.
