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Crossing Swords

A good-hearted peasant dreaming of knighthood becomes a squire at the royal castle. But his dream job isn't everything he'd hoped it would be.

Director

N/A

Year

Genre

animation, comedy, fantasy

Production

Stoopid Buddy Stoodios,Tom is Awesome,Buddy Systems,Sony Pictures Television

Awards

1 nomination

Homepage

https://www.hulu.com/series/crossing-swords-ae4f3a01-3cf8-4cf3-b28a-5add46ec094f

Cast information not available.

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Explore 943 Clips

I'm a bitch because it's necessary...
and fun. - Crossing Swords

I'm a bitch because it's necessary... and fun.

Ha-ha! Fore! - Crossing Swords

My heart is true, you dumb fuckin' bridge! - Crossing Swords

My heart is true, you dumb fuckin' bridge!

- Like I said, men from the boys.
Now, line up according to bulge. - Crossing Swords

- Like I said, men from the boys. Now, line up according to ...

- Oh, so being a bitch is like your armor. - Crossing Swords

- Oh, so being a bitch is like your armor.

But according to the law, - Crossing Swords

But according to the law,

- He lives! He lives! - Crossing Swords

- He lives! He lives!

What would you say to the King right now - Crossing Swords

What would you say to the King right now

Did you just call me
a bitch, bitch? - Crossing Swords

Did you just call me a bitch, bitch?

If I help you break out of here,
will you ban clown hunting? - Crossing Swords

If I help you break out of here, will you ban clown hunting?

- Well, if no one's going to lend me their
underwear, I guess this is happening. - Crossing Swords

- Well, if no one's going to lend me their underwear, I...

As I said, only those
who are true of heart may pass. - Crossing Swords

As I said, only those who are true of heart may pass.

It'll be the first thing I do
after I legalize bestiality, - Crossing Swords

It'll be the first thing I do after I legalize bestiali...

- You, there!
This monstrosity's blocking my light! - Crossing Swords

- You, there! This monstrosity's blocking my light!

She can make you a knight.
You can be my boyfriend. - Crossing Swords

She can make you a knight. You can be my boyfriend.

No matter what I do, assholes are
always gonna fucking roast me. - Crossing Swords

No matter what I do, assholes are always gonna fucking roast...

I've been shitting my pants all day
in a haunted murder maze - Crossing Swords

I've been shitting my pants all day in a haunted murder...

- Cannons can't pierce Kraken hide!
Any true Krak-Head would know that! - Crossing Swords

- Cannons can't pierce Kraken hide! Any true Krak-Head ...

- This isn't over.
One day I'll get your precious butter. - Crossing Swords

- This isn't over. One day I'll get your precious ...

And if we work as a couple,
you know, travel well together, - Crossing Swords

And if we work as a couple, you know, travel well together,

There's a lot of great criminals
to choose from, - Crossing Swords

There's a lot of great criminals to choose from,

Who knows?
You could be king one day. - Crossing Swords

Who knows? You could be king one day.

We was using it to get the dog's
tennis ball out from under the couch. - Crossing Swords

We was using it to get the dog's tennis ball out from u...

- No disrespect to Coral--
she's a fine pirate-- - Crossing Swords

- No disrespect to Coral-- she's a fine pirate--

Forest-based crime doesn't get
the recognition it deserves. - Crossing Swords

Forest-based crime doesn't get the recognition it deser...

And then your high school
drama club does it, - Crossing Swords

And then your high school drama club does it,

- Yes! Yes!
Rub your young body all over me! - Crossing Swords

- Yes! Yes! Rub your young body all over me!

- So, you really feel that way about me?
You weren't just using me? - Crossing Swords

- So, you really feel that way about me? You weren't ju...

Oh? You're not trying to impress
your parents? - Crossing Swords

Oh? You're not trying to impress your parents?

- Hey, hey, it's cool. It happens. - Crossing Swords

- Hey, hey, it's cool. It happens.

Stab! - Crossing Swords

I can't believe that Aunt Donna
did that to me after I was so nice to her. - Crossing Swords

I can't believe that Aunt Donna did that to me after I ...

You know, after Craig left,
I'm not ashamed to admit - Crossing Swords

You know, after Craig left, I'm not ashamed to admit

- Every squire tournament she ghosts me.
What's that about? - Crossing Swords

- Every squire tournament she ghosts me. What's that ab...

- Oh, you weren't even a part of my plan.
You were just a happy accident. - Crossing Swords

- Oh, you weren't even a part of my plan. You were just...

Everyone, literally everyone,
wants to impress their parents. - Crossing Swords

Everyone, literally everyone, wants to impress their parents...

I mean, how do you think it feels to be in
the ensemble in a play called Blossom? - Crossing Swords

I mean, how do you think it feels to be in the ensemble in a...

- I'm glad you asked. She's--
- Could I get a less chatty guard? - Crossing Swords

- I'm glad you asked. She's-- - Could I get a less...

- Hey, FYI, bit of a situation
in the Hall of Statues, thanks, bye! - Crossing Swords

- Hey, FYI, bit of a situation in the Hall of Statues, thank...

You say you're true of heart,
but aren't you really down here - Crossing Swords

You say you're true of heart, but aren't you reall...

I'm sorry about your dick thing, - Crossing Swords

I'm sorry about your dick thing,

Beanie... did... not get in! Fuck! - Crossing Swords

Beanie... did... not get in! Fuck!

Haven't you ever heard of a win-win,
you dumbass fuckin' water wall? - Crossing Swords

Haven't you ever heard of a win-win, you dumbass fuckin...

Lightweights.
Is it your first Beast Feast, losers? - Crossing Swords

Lightweights. Is it your first Beast Feast, losers?

- Have you ever fucked
on an 800-pound chandelier - Crossing Swords

- Have you ever fucked on an 800-pound chandelier

- It doesn't matter who sits
on the throne. - Crossing Swords

- It doesn't matter who sits on the throne.

- Ooh, it's time for presents! - Crossing Swords

- Ooh, it's time for presents!

Fee-fi-fo-fum, bitches! - Crossing Swords

Fee-fi-fo-fum, bitches!

- Oh, I'll be there first, - Crossing Swords

- Oh, I'll be there first,

- I'll bring my friend Satan,
because he and I will have already bonded - Crossing Swords

- I'll bring my friend Satan, because he and I will hav...

Assassin! - Crossing Swords

He... must have been planning
to surprise me. - Crossing Swords

He... must have been planning to surprise me.

Then grab a ladder! - Crossing Swords

Then grab a ladder!

- No, huh? Hey! Good for you!
Look at this guy. - Crossing Swords

- No, huh? Hey! Good for you! Look at this guy.

- Oh, Craig, I'll treasure it always. - Crossing Swords

- Oh, Craig, I'll treasure it always.

I also got you a mattress fit for a queen.
You'll love it! - Crossing Swords

I also got you a mattress fit for a queen. You'll love ...

- I've had my eye on you all day, - Crossing Swords

- I've had my eye on you all day,

- Kid out here needs
another snakeskin! - Crossing Swords

- Kid out here needs another snakeskin!

- Oof, I gotta boil my fists after that.
- Gross. - Crossing Swords

- Oof, I gotta boil my fists after that. - Gross.

This is a raid! - Crossing Swords

This is a raid!

"Can't wait to rip this off you
with my teeth"? - Crossing Swords

"Can't wait to rip this off you with my teeth"...

Plus you'd get to see me naked. - Crossing Swords

Plus you'd get to see me naked.

Uh. I'm done. Let's do some shots! - Crossing Swords

Uh. I'm done. Let's do some shots!

- How's it going out here?
- Well, I'm down to the “ate his dad” guy - Crossing Swords

- How's it going out here? - Well, I'm down to the...

You can call us...
the Plunder from Down Under! - Crossing Swords

You can call us... the Plunder from Down Under!

Okay, c'mon, ladies, make me look
even more beautiful than I already am. - Crossing Swords

Okay, c'mon, ladies, make me look even more beautiful t...

- No! I'm on your side!
I'm an ally! - Crossing Swords

- No! I'm on your side! I'm an ally!

That skank from the bank!
That bank skank! - Crossing Swords

That skank from the bank! That bank skank!

- That's right! I-I'm no virgin!
I'm a tenured professor! - Crossing Swords

- That's right! I-I'm no virgin! I'm a tenure...

Assassin! - Crossing Swords

- I wish I was going to prom
like you, Ruben, - Crossing Swords

- I wish I was going to prom like you, Ruben,

- It's exactly what I wanted!
How did you know? - Crossing Swords

- It's exactly what I wanted! How did you know?

You made your point, dickhead.
I'm human garbage. - Crossing Swords

You made your point, dickhead. I'm human garbage.

In olden times, they enslaved us,
but even worse, - Crossing Swords

In olden times, they enslaved us, but even worse,

You could throw a dart in here and hit
someone who deserves to be executed. - Crossing Swords

You could throw a dart in here and hit someone who deserves ...

- I mean, we haven't officially
said we're boyfriend-girlfriend, - Crossing Swords

- I mean, we haven't officially said we're boyfrie...

- Okay. We've got one Bloody Mary,
one Crimson Tide, and one Period Colada. - Crossing Swords

- Okay. We've got one Bloody Mary, one Crimson Tide, an...

But how does anyone ever pass your test?
It's impossible. - Crossing Swords

But how does anyone ever pass your test? It's impossibl...

- Ah, Patrick, you're so cute,
my little buddy who has never seen a tit. - Crossing Swords

- Ah, Patrick, you're so cute, my little buddy who has ...

- Check out the bling! Wassupppp? - Crossing Swords

- Check out the bling! Wassupppp?

But, as much as it pains me,
I think I gotta choose the Chuckster. - Crossing Swords

But, as much as it pains me, I think I gotta choose the Chuc...

Yeah! It wasn't my fault Craig died. - Crossing Swords

Yeah! It wasn't my fault Craig died.

Blossom! She needs help. Please! - Crossing Swords

Blossom! She needs help. Please!

- Time for Operation Steal Stuff
We're Gonna Steal - Crossing Swords

- Time for Operation Steal Stuff We're Gonna Steal

He was a cheating asshole
who ran into the middle of a blizzard - Crossing Swords

He was a cheating asshole who ran into the middle of a blizz...

To score with the ladies,
you gotta be a lying dickhole. - Crossing Swords

To score with the ladies, you gotta be a lying dickhole.

- It's okay, babe.
- I gotta get off this boat. - Crossing Swords

- It's okay, babe. - I gotta get off this boat.

- They're always bringing
their guitars to parties - Crossing Swords

- They're always bringing their guitars to parties

Look, I don't need a reward,
or glory, or anything. - Crossing Swords

Look, I don't need a reward, or glory, or anything.

- Our professor died at sea.
We all get automatic A's. - Crossing Swords

- Our professor died at sea. We all get automatic A's.

Crossing Swords poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A good-hearted peasant dreaming of knighthood becomes a squire at the royal castle. But his dream job isn't everything he'd hoped it would be.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: N/A

Writer: John Harvatine IV, Tom Root

Production: Stoopid Buddy Stoodios,Tom is Awesome,Buddy Systems,Sony Pictures Television

Genre: animation, comedy, fantasy

Year: 2020

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.7

BoxOffice:

Released: 12 Jun 2020

Awards: 1 nomination

Homepage: https://www.hulu.com/series/crossing-swords-ae4f3a01-3cf8-4cf3-b28a-5add46ec094f