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Damsel

It's the Wild West, circa 1870. Samuel Alabaster, an affluent pioneer, ventures across the American frontier to marry the love of his life, Penelope. As his group traverses the west, the once-simple journey grows treacherous, blurrin

Director

David Zellner, Nathan Zellner

Year

Genre

comedy, drama, western

Box Office

$305,136

Production

Strophic Productions Limited

Awards

3 nominations

Homepage

http://www.damselmovie.com/

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Samuel Alabaster

Robert Pattinson

Penelope

Parson Henry

Rufus Cornell

Zachariah Running Bear

Joseph Billingiere

Bar Creep

Barkeep

Barrel of Laughs

Prairie Crooner

Sheriff

Anton Cornell

Piano Player

Scalped Traveler

Angry Traveler

Sabrina Chappuis

Barber

Bell Maiden

Photographer

Bathhouse Madam

Hostess Matillda

Wagon Driver

Butterscotch

Old Preacher

Dancer

Dancer

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Explore 124 Clips

Samuel Alabaster Old Preacher

Where is that damn stagecoach? - Damsel

Where is that damn stagecoach?

That depends.
You coming or going? - Damsel

That depends. You coming or going?

I've done my time here. Had it. - Damsel

I've done my time here. Had it.

I come out here to spoon-feed
religion to the savages. - Damsel

I come out here to spoon-feed religion to the savages.

Have you ever seen a real life
Apache in the wild? - Damsel

Have you ever seen a real life Apache in the wild?

Some are lousy.
Some not. - Damsel

Some are lousy. Some not.

Just tough times.
Tough times back home. - Damsel

Just tough times. Tough times back home.

But it ain't gonna be no better out here. - Damsel

But it ain't gonna be no better out here.

Things are gonna be shitty - Damsel

Things are gonna be shitty

Oh, Lord.
The hell with it. - Damsel

Oh, Lord. The hell with it.

Where's that goddamned stagecoach? - Damsel

Where's that goddamned stagecoach?

Comes with... advantages. - Damsel

Comes with... advantages.

Used it up on kindling
and rolling papers. - Damsel

Used it up on kindling and rolling papers.

Take this. Son of a bitch. - Damsel

Take this. Son of a bitch.

Oh, Lord. Oh, God Almighty. - Damsel

Oh, Lord. Oh, God Almighty.

My stomach is... from time to time. - Damsel

My stomach is... from time to time.

You mind if I...
- Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. - Damsel

You mind if I... - Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

Yep.
- Well, if you're interested... - Damsel

Yep. - Well, if you're interested...

We're having a gangbang social
out back later. - Damsel

We're having a gangbang social out back later.

Being new in town, it'd be a
good way for you to meet folks. - Damsel

Being new in town, it'd be a good way for you to meet f...

Maybe your stomach's not
the only thing that's a pussy. - Damsel

Maybe your stomach's not the only thing that's a p...

Actually, I'm in town looking
for a man named Parson Henry. - Damsel

Actually, I'm in town looking for a man named Parson He...

My Adam's apple's too big for that shit. - Damsel

My Adam's apple's too big for that shit.

Yeah, you got a big one, too. - Damsel

Yeah, you got a big one, too.

I never liked it when a barber
got in under there. - Damsel

I never liked it when a barber got in under there.

I'm not sure. I think
it's about a medium size maybe? - Damsel

I'm not sure. I think it's about a medium size may...

Well, maybe I'll take a look
for him down there. - Damsel

Well, maybe I'll take a look for him down there.

'cause you're going about it
the wrong way. - Damsel

'cause you're going about it the wrong way.

Why you going getting all tight
on me when you know - Damsel

Why you going getting all tight on me when you know

Just got, just got a little
tipsy while waiting. - Damsel

Just got, just got a little tipsy while waiting.

And that'll get us up to 60
as stated in the telegram. - Damsel

And that'll get us up to 60 as stated in the telegram.

We square?
- Yeah, it's fine. We're square. - Damsel

We square? - Yeah, it's fine. We're square.

A miniature horse.
Name's Butterscotch. - Damsel

A miniature horse. Name's Butterscotch.

Regular horses don't have names - Damsel

Regular horses don't have names

For the crimes of skullduggery,
skull thuggery... - Damsel

For the crimes of skullduggery, skull thuggery...

Technically speaking,
are we in Injun country? - Damsel

Technically speaking, are we in Injun country?

Technically speaking, every
where's Injun country, I reckon. - Damsel

Technically speaking, every where's Injun country, I re...

I don't know, really.
It's just a fancy word. - Damsel

I don't know, really. It's just a fancy word.

So is... Is Butterscotch
like a wedding present? - Damsel

So is... Is Butterscotch like a wedding present?

Yeah. She's wanted one
for a long, long time. - Damsel

Yeah. She's wanted one for a long, long time.

Well, soon to be
Mrs. Penelope Alabaster. - Damsel

Well, soon to be Mrs. Penelope Alabaster.

Yep... and I just want
everything to go off well... - Damsel

Yep... and I just want everything to go off well...

Ties it all together... big time. - Damsel

Ties it all together... big time.

An arrowhead?
- Yeah. Sharp one, too. - Damsel

An arrowhead? - Yeah. Sharp one, too.

You know, if you want, you can...
have it to give to Penelope. - Damsel

You know, if you want, you can... have it to give to Penelop...

I apologize if there's any...
miscommunication... - Damsel

I apologize if there's any... miscommunication...

It's just a sweet little ballad
I wrote for Penelope. - Damsel

It's just a sweet little ballad I wrote for Penelope.

What do you mean?
- Because she's a prized possession. - Damsel

What do you mean? - Because she's a prized possession.

The guy who took her
is an evil son of a bitch. - Damsel

The guy who took her is an evil son of a bitch.

D... did you catch him?
- Yeah. - Damsel

D... did you catch him? - Yeah.

I just wanted this to be safe and low-profile.

That's why I couldn't let you be privy
to all the details straight away. - Damsel

That's why I couldn't let you be privy to all the ...

This kidnap's the most terrible
thing that's ever happened to me. - Damsel

This kidnap's the most terrible thing that's ever ...

It hurts... down deep inside. - Damsel

It hurts... down deep inside.

Literally, I've...
I've got ulcers. - Damsel

Literally, I've... I've got ulcers.

Marry her proper under the eyes of
the Lord and have a quiet life. - Damsel

Marry her proper under the eyes of the Lord and have a quiet...

That evil son of a bitch
had to go and mess it all up. - Damsel

That evil son of a bitch had to go and mess it all up.

I mean, someone in the flesh
just pure goddamned scum-loving evil? - Damsel

I mean, someone in the flesh just pure goddamned scum-loving...

I don't know.
- How can you not know? You're a Parson. - Damsel

I don't know. - How can you not know? You're a Par...

Now, I'm not talking about some
fly by night gangbang hostess. - Damsel

Now, I'm not talking about some fly by night gangbang h...

I agreed to join the two of you
in holy matrimony - Damsel

I agreed to join the two of you in holy matrimony

Of course I believe in love!
I'm sorry, I just can't! - Damsel

Of course I believe in love! I'm sorry, I just can'...

Well, I'm no cartographer but I figured
I'd just go right back the way we came. - Damsel

Well, I'm no cartographer but I figured I'd just g...

I'll give you 90 more.
I'll make it 150. - Damsel

I'll give you 90 more. I'll make it 150.

Look, I... I beg you.
Penelope's all I got left. - Damsel

Look, I... I beg you. Penelope's all I got left.

I told her I landed on number nine because
that was her cake and I wanted to meet her. - Damsel

I told her I landed on number nine because that was her cake...

And I joked, 'That's legal?' - Damsel

And I joked, 'That's legal?'

Have you considered the slight
possibility that they... - Damsel

Have you considered the slight possibility that they...

I hate to break it to you - Damsel

I hate to break it to you

Then, I'll untie Penelope,
help her to escape. - Damsel

Then, I'll untie Penelope, help her to escape.

That point, once the coast
is clear, on bended knee... - Damsel

That point, once the coast is clear, on bended knee...

But just please remember, that a
woman's life is at stake here. - Damsel

But just please remember, that a woman's life is at sta...

I want to ask you to be
my lawfully wedded wife. - Damsel

I want to ask you to be my lawfully wedded wife.

I know we've been through
a lot of rough patches in our lives. - Damsel

I know we've been through a lot of rough patches in our...

What... Pene... why are you doing...?
- I hate you! - Damsel

What... Pene... why are you doing...? - I hate you!

Please, Penelope, wait... - Damsel

Please, Penelope, wait...

I never said anything like that. At most,
I said they were interesting looking. - Damsel

I never said anything like that. At most, I said they were i...

There is no love here.
Let's make that loud and clear. - Damsel

There is no love here. Let's make that loud and clear.

You can't deny that there's a...
there's a powerful love between us. - Damsel

You can't deny that there's a... there's a po...

He had it coming in spades!
- No one had anything coming! - Damsel

He had it coming in spades! - No one had anything coming!

I was the happiest
I've ever been in my whole life. - Damsel

I was the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.

Baby, why are you doing this to me?
- Shut your trap! - Damsel

Baby, why are you doing this to me? - Shut your trap!

I should shoot you in the fucking head! - Damsel

I should shoot you in the fucking head!

If I'm the worst person
in the entire world! - Damsel

If I'm the worst person in the entire world!

If I...
If you think I'm trash... - Damsel

If I... If you think I'm trash...

What you've ruined
and what you'll never have. - Damsel

What you've ruined and what you'll never have.

I'm just a dumb neophyte preacher
trying to help a guy out. - Damsel

I'm just a dumb neophyte preacher trying to help a guy ...

Goddamn word out of you
unless I ask for it. Do you hear me? - Damsel

Goddamn word out of you unless I ask for it. Do you hear me...

I assume you know how to officiate
a funeral. Is that correct? - Damsel

I assume you know how to officiate a funeral. Is that correc...

More than I could possibly
account for right now. - Damsel

More than I could possibly account for right now.

Damsel poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

It's the Wild West, circa 1870. Samuel Alabaster, an affluent pioneer, ventures across the American frontier to marry the love of his life, Penelope. As his group traverses the west, the once-simple journey grows treacherous, blurrin

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: David Zellner, Nathan Zellner

Writer: David Zellner, Nathan Zellner

Production: Strophic Productions Limited

Genre: comedy, drama, western

Year: 2018

MetaScore: 63/100

ImdbRating: 5.5

BoxOffice: $305,136

Released: 22 Jun 2018

Awards: 3 nominations

Homepage: http://www.damselmovie.com/

Also watch: The Freshman, High Flying Bird, Desperately Seeking Susan, The Kid, They Came Together, Barbershop: The Next Cut, The Rover, The Blob, The Vanishing, The Weekend Away, High Life, I Spit on Your Grave III: Vengeance is Mine, Magnolia, Good Time, The Last Witch Hunter, The Talented Mr Ripley, Charlie's Angels, Bad Times at the El Royale