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David Spade: Nothing Personal

Follows David Spade sharing his disdain for crabs and his unique approach to turning down drugs. Spade is going to prove that no topic is off limits.

Director

Ryan Polito

Year

Genre

documentary, comedy

Box Office

N/A

Production

N/A

Awards

N/A

Self

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And Grown Ups is a movie
you've probably seen - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And Grown Ups is a movie you've probably seen

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

So the doctor calls me and goes,
"Hey, come in for a physical." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

So the doctor calls me and goes, "Hey, come in for a ph...

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

"Oh, you don't have the chalupa today?" - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"Oh, you don't have the chalupa today?"

But… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

He goes, "How much you weigh?" - David Spade: Nothing Personal

He goes, "How much you weigh?"

So I go over
to this old man doctor stick scale thing. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

So I go over to this old man doctor stick scale thing.

Little black cinder blocks. I go,
"These are 50 each, right?" - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Little black cinder blocks. I go, "These are 50 each, r...

And then… [clacking] …the one-pounder, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And then… [clacking] …the one-pounder,

"I'm 145, 'cause I'm such a fat ox,
according to you." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"I'm 145, 'cause I'm such a fat ox, acco...

"What is he talking about?"
So I go like this… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"What is he talking about?" So I go like this…

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

So… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And then he goes,
"Uh, try again." And I go… [exhaling] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And then he goes, "Uh, try again." And I go… [exha...

[vocalizing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[clacking] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[groaning] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

[David chuckling lightly] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[David chuckling lightly]

[crowd cheering, applauding] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd cheering, applauding]

Actually, the hostess, uh, tried
to strike up a little jibber-jabber, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Actually, the hostess, uh, tried to strike up a little jibbe...

She goes,
"Mr. Spade, we're so excited to have you." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

She goes, "Mr. Spade, we're so excited to have you...

"I'm sure it's nothing. I wouldn't worry
about it at all, you know." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"I'm sure it's nothing. I wouldn't...

And then I sit down, and sometimes
it's such a nice restaurant that the… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And then I sit down, and sometimes it's such a nice res...

You ever seen that?
They don't even tell you how much it is. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You ever seen that? They don't even tell you how much i...

I think the waiter tries to guess
how rich you are, because I go, uh, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I think the waiter tries to guess how rich you are, because ...

I think he has an earpiece in there like,
"What is he wearing? Go lower." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I think he has an earpiece in there like, "What is he w...

So it's always - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I go, "Do you guys have any shrimps?" - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I go, "Do you guys have any shrimps?"

And I go, "Oh yeah?
Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And I go, "Oh yeah? Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool."

But then… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

She goes,
"It'll be just around the corner." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

She goes, "It'll be just around the corner."

You don't want to give up that phone.
There's too much stuff on it. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You don't want to give up that phone. There's too ...

Some text saying, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Some text saying,

I don't want that hostess
to roll through my camera, you know, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I don't want that hostess to roll through my camera, yo...

What? You know. And that's… you gotta… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

What? You know. And that's… you gotta…

Now you lead with it.
Hey. Here's my dick. If you wanna… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Now you lead with it. Hey. Here's my dick. If you wanna...

We have any chemistry or… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

We have any chemistry or…

I'm so old you used to, uh, have to sketch
out your dick to give it to a girl. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I'm so old you used to, uh, have to sketch out your dic...

But actually, I told my friend, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

But actually, I told my friend,

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

I tried it. I go,
"I'm just gonna take it in my house." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I tried it. I go, "I'm just gonna take it in my ho...

I'm just like, "In kitchen." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I'm just like, "In kitchen."

[buzzing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

You get that bird in a nest look. That's… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You get that bird in a nest look. That's…

It's tough, you know? I just… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

It's tough, you know? I just…

I did have
a threesome recently in college. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I did have a threesome recently in college.

The college threesome is, um… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

The college threesome is, um…

The third was supposed to be a girl.
That was the whole plan. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

The third was supposed to be a girl. That was the whole plan...

And then we had it all set up - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And then we had it all set up

And I said, "Let's just grab him.
Let's just run through it once." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And I said, "Let's just grab him. Let's just ...

You know what? Because
I didn't think it through and it was. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You know what? Because I didn't think it through and it...

But later…
about ten years later I had another one, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

But later… about ten years later I had another one,

We're in a hotel room getting ready
for a concert, everyone's drinking, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

We're in a hotel room getting ready for a concert, ever...

And so I go to get a drink
and then they hook up - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And so I go to get a drink and then they hook up

Am I crazy? I mean, it was sold to me. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Am I crazy? I mean, it was sold to me.

I feel like I might have
some legal recourse - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I feel like I might have some legal recourse

"Have you ever been sold a threesome
and it was really sloppy seconds?" - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"Have you ever been sold a threesome and it was really ...

"You may be entitled
to some compensation." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"You may be entitled to some compensation."

You ever watch porn websites?
My buddy goes, "Watch this one." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You ever watch porn websites? My buddy goes, "Watch thi...

So it comes up and then under it it says,
"Other videos we think you'll like." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

So it comes up and then under it it says, "Other videos...

First one,
"Teenager gets gangbanged in an elevator." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

First one, "Teenager gets gangbanged in an elevator.&qu...

But I did think
that they all have big wieners. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

But I did think that they all have big wieners.

And I was like,
"Ugh. I wish I had a huge porn wiener." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

And I was like, "Ugh. I wish I had a huge porn wiener.&...

You know what I mean, 'cause… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

You know what I mean, 'cause…

[groaning] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

When the genie wasn't even
paying attention anymore. Like… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

When the genie wasn't even paying attention anymore. Li...

Five? [groaning] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Five? [groaning]

I'd cure some stuff, but fuck,
sometimes the house wins. You know? - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I'd cure some stuff, but fuck, sometimes the house wins...

Clickbait is… I'll tell you.
I did a show in Nashville. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Clickbait is… I'll tell you. I did a show in Nashville....

Someone had a, uh, seizure in the back, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Someone had a, uh, seizure in the back,

Usually you click on it
and you go down all these wormholes, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Usually you click on it and you go down all these wormholes,

I know what it is and I'm watching,
and it's like "Cardi B does this," - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I know what it is and I'm watching, and it's like ...

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

But it's all blurry because I can't focus
because that's all I think about. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

But it's all blurry because I can't focus because ...

So I go all the way back
and I clicked on it, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

So I go all the way back and I clicked on it,

"Tom Brady started playing football
at the age of seven." - David Spade: Nothing Personal

"Tom Brady started playing football at the age of seven...

[smacking lips] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[smacking lips]

But I can't take it
because four minutes later I'm down there. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

But I can't take it because four minutes later I'm...

Weather? Football? And it goes, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Weather? Football? And it goes,

Um, I will save you
55 clicks and two and a half hours. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Um, I will save you 55 clicks and two and a half hours.

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

Oh boy, but that's not… - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Oh boy, but that's not…

[groaning] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Um, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I didn't wanna wait 20 minutes
to… for new ones, - David Spade: Nothing Personal

I didn't wanna wait 20 minutes to… for new ones,

Little wiggly pube.
You can tell a pube on sight. - David Spade: Nothing Personal

Little wiggly pube. You can tell a pube on sight.

[crowd laughing] - David Spade: Nothing Personal

[crowd laughing]

David Spade: Nothing Personal poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Follows David Spade sharing his disdain for crabs and his unique approach to turning down drugs. Spade is going to prove that no topic is off limits.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Ryan Polito

Writer: David Spade

Production: N/A

Genre: documentary, comedy

Year: 2022

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.8

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 26 Apr 2022

Awards: N/A

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