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"Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid" quotes

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid poster
Film noir parody with a detective uncovering a sinister plot. Characters from real noirs appear as scenes from various films are intercut.

Director: Carl Reiner
Writer: Carl Reiner, George Gipe, Steve Martin
Production: N/A
Year: 1982
MetaScore: 67/100
ImdbRating: 6.9
BoxOffice: $18,196,170
Released: 21 May 1982
Awards: N/A

101 Clips

You want a puppy I'd love a dog - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
You want a puppy I'd love a dog
When these people leave maybe you and I can have a party of our own - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:07
When these people leave maybe you and I can have a party of...
Guess to be a really good exterminator you have to enjoy killing things - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:06
Guess to be a really good exterminator you have to enjoy...
What are you talking about - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:04
What are you talking about
How about you handsome Haven't I seen you somewhere before - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:09
How about you handsome Haven't I seen you somewhere before
Neff's favourite hunting ground was Jerry's Market on Melrose - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:29
Neff's favourite hunting ground was Jerry's Market on...
And Marlowe Put this on for me huh As a favour - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:08
And Marlowe Put this on for me huh As a favour
The paper said you were hit in the head by a flying wrench in the machine shop - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:18
The paper said you were hit in the head by a flying wrench...
I'm working on an important case It's dangerous and you'll probably be killed - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:17
I'm working on an important case It's dangerous and you'll...
That's one thing I've learned about clients Dead ones don't pay their bills - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:07
That's one thing I've learned about clients Dead ones don't...
Was she real There was only one way to find out - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:34
Was she real There was only one way to find out
Where are you staying Hotel Guano - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:05
Where are you staying Hotel Guano
You wearin' a tie Goodbye - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:04
You wearin' a tie Goodbye
I had no trouble finding Dr Forrest's cheese lab - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:07
I had no trouble finding Dr Forrest's cheese lab
And I brought you a puppy something you never had as a boy - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
And I brought you a puppy something you never had as a boy
Hello Marlowe - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:28
Hello Marlowe
Juliet - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:13
Juliet
Can you get a map of South America - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
Can you get a map of South America
Or was she a member of the Carlotta conspiracy and had set me up - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
Or was she a member of the Carlotta conspiracy and had set...
Juliet This is Alan - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
Juliet This is Alan
What do you think - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:06
What do you think
Do I look like a dame Not as much as I do - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:05
Do I look like a dame Not as much as I do
What do you know about a plane with Germermans on it - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:34
What do you know about a plane with Germermans on it
This is never gonna heal - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:05
This is never gonna heal
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:05
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face
Sometimes I feel I would like to - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:30
Sometimes I feel I would like to
What are you doing - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:21
What are you doing
Se or Reardon when will you be leaving Carlotta - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:26
Se or Reardon when will you be leaving Carlotta
I don't blame you for strangling me - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
I don't blame you for strangling me
Yes I'd like to see Miss Forrest - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
Yes I'd like to see Miss Forrest
Cowards Fools - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:35
Cowards Fools
The guard looks suspicious Act like I'm your ma - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:26
The guard looks suspicious Act like I'm your ma
Be careful of the uh fat one who sweats a lot - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:14
Be careful of the uh fat one who sweats a lot
Come on Let's go out dancin' - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:09
Come on Let's go out dancin'
Hi It's me Rigby - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
Hi It's me Rigby
Her lips were warm and my arm wasn't the only thing that was throbbing - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:28
Her lips were warm and my arm wasn't the only thing that was...
Are you wearing pyjamas Se or I'll help you take them off - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:36
Are you wearing pyjamas Se or I'll help you take them off
Would I be your Reinemachefrau - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:20
Would I be your Reinemachefrau
It is customary in these situations for the developer of the plan to describe it - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:37
It is customary in these situations for the developer of the...
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble t r u b i l - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:09
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble t r u...
Get your sister Leona for me - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:25
Get your sister Leona for me
When I arrived I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me 15 years ago - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:19
When I arrived I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me...
If you want me to investigate your father's death I get 10 a day - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
If you want me to investigate your father's death I get 10 a...
Don't go near my daughter Don't try to see her Don't write and don't phone - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:10
Don't go near my daughter Don't try to see her Don't write...
One thing about Monica The words I can't weren't in her vocabulary - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:16
One thing about Monica The words I can't weren't in her...
Mrs Hastings My name's Reardon Sorry to hear your father's passed on - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
Mrs Hastings My name's Reardon Sorry to hear your father's...
All dames are alike - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:30
All dames are alike
We know who you are Mr Rigby - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:36
We know who you are Mr Rigby
But what does FOC mean - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:12
But what does FOC mean
What's he payin' you boys I'll double it and we'll beat the shit outta him - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:06
What's he payin' you boys I'll double it and we'll beat the...
If you need me just call - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:15
If you need me just call
I hadn't seen a body like that - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:08
I hadn't seen a body like that
It is customary in zese situations for ze developer of ze plan to describe it - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 03:01
It is customary in zese situations for ze developer of ze...
You don't smoke - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:19
You don't smoke
I'm working on an important case - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:36
I'm working on an important case
I'll do it myself - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:26
I'll do it myself
If you want me to investigate your father's death - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:57
If you want me to investigate your father's death
I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me over fifteen years ago - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:43
I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me over fifteen...
I never could fool you - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:12
I never could fool you
You wearing a tie - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
You wearing a tie
You know how to dial - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:24
You know how to dial
Her lips were warm - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:08
Her lips were warm
Haven't I seen you somewhere before - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:20
Haven't I seen you somewhere before
Get your sister Leona for me - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:50
Get your sister Leona for me
Forrest's cheese lab - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:25
Forrest's cheese lab
Don't go near my daughter again - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:32
Don't go near my daughter again
Do I look like a dame - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:15
Do I look like a dame
Column six of the August 2nd issue - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:46
Column six of the August 2nd issue
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T R U B I L - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:27
Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T R U...
But what does  FOC  mean - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:31
But what does FOC mean
Be careful of the - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:31
Be careful of the
And I brought you a puppy - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:49
And I brought you a puppy
And here's something for you - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:21
And here's something for you
All dames are alike - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:17
All dames are alike
Adjusting your willie - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:41
Adjusting your willie
You have to enjoy killing things - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
You have to enjoy killing things
You got something - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:47
You got something
You didn't do what I told ya - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:49
You didn't do what I told ya
You could be zat - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:33
You could be zat
Are you wearing pajamas - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:12
Are you wearing pajamas
Who shall I say is calling - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:41
Who shall I say is calling
Where are you staying - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
Where are you staying
When will you be leaving Carlotta - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:35
When will you be leaving Carlotta
What's he paying you boys - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
What's he paying you boys
What do you think - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:19
What do you think
We know who you are - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:05
We know who you are
Those dirty bastards - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:24
Those dirty bastards
This is never going to heal - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:13
This is never going to heal
There's a plane with mermans on it - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:19
There's a plane with mermans on it
There was only one way to find out - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:44
There was only one way to find out
The words  I can't  weren't in her vocabulary - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:42
The words I can't weren't in her vocabulary
The paper said you were hit in the head by a flying wrench in the machine shop - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:00
The paper said you were hit in the head by a flying wrench...
The guard looks suspicious - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:24
The guard looks suspicious
That's one thing I've learned about clients - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
That's one thing I've learned about clients
Sometimes I feel I would like to - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:07
Sometimes I feel I would like to
So there it was - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:28
So there it was
Put this on for me - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:11
Put this on for me
Neff's favorite hunting ground was Jerry's Market on Melrose - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 01:13
Neff's favorite hunting ground was Jerry's Market on Melrose
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:17
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face
My name's Reardon - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 02:10
My name's Reardon
Let's go out dancing - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 00:22
Let's go out dancing

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