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"Dogma" quotes

Dogma poster
The latest battle in the eternal war between Good and Evil has come to New Jersey in the late, late 20th Century. Angels, demons, apostles and prophets (of a sort) walk among the cynics and innocents of America and duke it out for the fate of humankind.

Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Production: N/A
Genre: fantasy, comedy, adventure
Year: 1999
MetaScore: 62/100
ImdbRating: 7.3
BoxOffice: $30,652,890
Released: 12 Nov 1999
Awards: 8 nominations

176 video clips

JayBethanyMetatronRufusNunLokiBartlebySerendipityGun SalesmanLizBus Station AttendantDead ParishionerAzraelSilent BobCardinal GlickProtestor #1Bethany SloaneBartenderGod
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What's he like God - Dogma 00:23 What's he like God Yo man tell me something about me - Dogma 00:19 Yo man tell me something about me That's the only thing I couldn't figure out - Dogma 00:37 That's the only thing I couldn't figure out You people - Dogma 00:07 You people Metatron acts as the voice of God - Dogma 00:13 Metatron acts as the voice of God He said mankind got it all wrong - Dogma 00:16 He said mankind got it all wrong I had to tell him - Dogma 00:33 I had to tell him Last four days on Earth - Dogma 00:12 Last four days on Earth Wait wait wait - Dogma 00:10 Wait wait wait For example I'm responsible for 19 of the 20 top grossing films of all time - Dogma 00:23 For example I'm responsible for 19 of the 20 top... Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity - Dogma 00:16 Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological... I am to charge you with a holy crusade - Dogma 00:36 I am to charge you with a holy crusade We call this piece The Fecalator - Dogma 00:35 We call this piece The Fecalator You mean those dickheads with signs and pictures of dead babies - Dogma 00:33 You mean those dickheads with signs and pictures of dead... You're breaking up with us - Dogma 00:28 You're breaking up with us Lf we're wrong what religion is right It's not about who's right or wrong - Dogma 00:20 Lf we're wrong what religion is right It's not... He said that faith is like a glass of water - Dogma 00:36 He said that faith is like a glass of water I don't know those kids but they would have kicked yours - Dogma 00:32 I don't know those kids but they would have kicked... I feel like Han Solo you're Chewie and she's Ben Kenobi - Dogma 00:08 I feel like Han Solo you're Chewie and she's Ben... Humans have besmirched everything he's bestowed on them - Dogma 00:36 Humans have besmirched everything he's bestowed on them Jesus didn't have brothers and sisters Mary was a virgin - Dogma 00:26 Jesus didn't have brothers and sisters Mary was a... Hello We'd like two tickets to New Jersey please - Dogma 00:15 Hello We'd like two tickets to New Jersey please What then hell Fuck that - Dogma 00:37 What then hell Fuck that Were they sent to hell Worse - Dogma 00:09 Were they sent to hell Worse Good Lord - Dogma 00:05 Good Lord You are just a simple creature - Dogma 00:36 You are just a simple creature No pleasure no rapture no exquisite sin greater - Dogma 00:09 No pleasure no rapture no exquisite sin greater I repeat this is not a drill - Dogma 00:11 I repeat this is not a drill You know what the dead do with most of their time - Dogma 00:09 You know what the dead do with most of their time The whole fucking world's against us dude I swear to God - Dogma 00:05 The whole fucking world's against us dude I swear to... Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence - Dogma 00:04 Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence What are you some kind of fucking chicken - Dogma 00:36 What are you some kind of fucking chicken White folks only wanna hear the good shit - Dogma 00:19 White folks only wanna hear the good shit I'm telling you man this ceremony's a big mistake - Dogma 00:16 I'm telling you man this ceremony's a big mistake Do you know what makes a human being decent - Dogma 00:26 Do you know what makes a human being decent Jesus You're a Catholic Can't you talk to them - Dogma 00:14 Jesus You're a Catholic Can't you talk to them Snootch to the motherfucking nootch - Dogma 00:05 Snootch to the motherfucking nootch You know that guy too That fucking guy - Dogma 00:34 You know that guy too That fucking guy Are you saying you believe - Dogma 00:07 Are you saying you believe Fill them pews people - Dogma 00:13 Fill them pews people But I'm a fucking demon - Dogma 00:04 But I'm a fucking demon But as you can see - Dogma 00:10 But as you can see Once he's done with the firstborn - Dogma 00:36 Once he's done with the firstborn Read that book again - Dogma 00:08 Read that book again Go back to your paper routes you Mighty Duck Fucks - Dogma 00:05 Go back to your paper routes you Mighty Duck Fucks Don't Don't my friend - Dogma 00:37 Don't Don't my friend Your hearts are in the right place but your brains gotta wake up - Dogma 00:19 Your hearts are in the right place but your brains gotta... Ladies and gentlemen - Dogma 00:20 Ladies and gentlemen I know they were just kids but we kicked their fucking pubeless asses - Dogma 00:06 I know they were just kids but we kicked their fucking... Get off of me I wanna see what's up - Dogma 00:29 Get off of me I wanna see what's up But I think I should go with you - Dogma 00:11 But I think I should go with you These guys were fakes - Dogma 00:18 These guys were fakes Quit killing people That's high profile - Dogma 00:04 Quit killing people That's high profile Let me guess 14th apostle left out of the Bible because she's a woman - Dogma 00:19 Let me guess 14th apostle left out of the Bible because... I didn't come in you Pete I swear - Dogma 00:04 I didn't come in you Pete I swear Speaking of which you're awfully nude - Dogma 00:12 Speaking of which you're awfully nude Do you know much about voodoo - Dogma 00:12 Do you know much about voodoo Is this why I had to come down here and miss my fucking cartoons - Dogma 00:16 Is this why I had to come down here and miss my fucking... I have issues with those who treat God like a burden instead of a blessing - Dogma 00:10 I have issues with those who treat God like a burden instead... Maybe you're wrong on the slaughter thing - Dogma 00:32 Maybe you're wrong on the slaughter thing However if you should decide to stop being selfish - Dogma 00:34 However if you should decide to stop being selfish What gear are you in - Dogma 00:04 What gear are you in Let's say we're caught in a situation where we have five minutes left to live - Dogma 00:19 Let's say we're caught in a situation where we... She's fucking pissed dude She's never gonna fuck us now - Dogma 00:12 She's fucking pissed dude She's never gonna fuck... In the three years I followed his ass around Jerusalem did I ever get laid - Dogma 00:33 In the three years I followed his ass around Jerusalem did I... You are Bethany Sloane - Dogma 00:08 You are Bethany Sloane So what do we do now - Dogma 00:06 So what do we do now We were sent by him who is called I Am - Dogma 00:13 We were sent by him who is called I Am That's the only thing I couldn't figure out - Dogma 00:14 That's the only thing I couldn't figure out No but Glick's the kind of asshole who'd bless his clubs for a better game - Dogma 00:06 No but Glick's the kind of asshole who'd bless his... The man was right about you - Dogma 00:14 The man was right about you Let me get this straight - Dogma 00:35 Let me get this straight You're a pure soul - Dogma 00:22 You're a pure soul Very basic strategy - Dogma 00:07 Very basic strategy What the fuck do you want from me - Dogma 00:07 What the fuck do you want from me So you what inspire people - Dogma 00:09 So you what inspire people Forgot my little voodoo doll - Dogma 00:35 Forgot my little voodoo doll Wait a second - Dogma 00:18 Wait a second People die for it People kill for it - Dogma 00:24 People die for it People kill for it Oh Bartleby - Dogma 00:08 Oh Bartleby Holy fuck All the fine immoral bitches out in front of that place - Dogma 00:10 Holy fuck All the fine immoral bitches out in front of that... He doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender - Dogma 00:35 He doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender Me lead you - Dogma 00:06 Me lead you Not born Shit into existence - Dogma 00:05 Not born Shit into existence Can you believe it Me a muse for God's sake - Dogma 00:15 Can you believe it Me a muse for God's sake Church laws are fallible because they're created by man - Dogma 00:06 Church laws are fallible because they're created by man You were martyred - Dogma 00:08 You were martyred What are you doing - Dogma 00:08 What are you doing I can't believe you forgot the magazine - Dogma 00:05 I can't believe you forgot the magazine
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Cast

John Doe Jersey - Bud Cort
Stygian Triplet (as Barrett Hackney) - Barret Hackney
Stygian Triplet - Jared Pfennigwerth
Stygian Triplet - Kitao Sakurai
Cardinal Glick - George Carlin
All Cast