Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God. Behold the...

Metatron: [Bethany hears a noise in her closet at night. She reaches under her bed and pulls out a baseball bat. Flames suddenly erupt in the middle of the room] Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God. Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God. [Bethany runs to her closet, pulls out a fire extinguisher] Metatron: Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true G - [Bethany douses the fire] Metatron: Oh, G - [Metatron coughs repeatedly and emerges from the smoke as Bethany rushes back to the bed and grabs the bat again] Metatron: Agh! Sweet Jesus, did you have to use the whole can? Bethany: [brandishing the bat] Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in my room? Metatron: I'm the one that's soaked and she's the one that's surly, that's rich. Stupid fucking... Christ... Bethany: Get the fuck out of here! NOW! Metatron: Or you'll do what, exactly? Hit me with that ffffffish? [Bethany realizes she's holding a large fish, and drops it in shock] Metatron: Now, just sit down on the bed and shut up. Jesus wept... look at my suit! Bethany: Look, just take whatever you want, but don't kill or rape me. Metatron: Oh, get over it, will you? I couldn't rape you if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped. [he drops his pants to show blank skin where his genitals should be] Metatron: See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. Now make yourself useful and gimme that towel, will you? [Bethany tosses it to him and he starts wiping his clothes dry] Metatron: Honestly, you bottom feeders and your arrogance, you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers. Bethany: What are you? Metatron: I'm pissed off, is what I am! Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.