Kiss it! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
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Mary Swanson:
Okay, how do you guys know each other? Lloyd Christmas:
We used to be best friends. Harry Dunne:
Yeah, till he turned into a back-stabber. Lloyd Christmas:
Me, a back-stabber? You got a lot of nerve. You knew I was crazy about her! Harry Dunne:
Yeah, and You knew I was crazy about Fraida Felcher, and that didn't stop you, did it? Lloyd Christmas:
[gasps]
What do you mean? Harry Dunne:
"What do you mean?" Don't deny it, Lloyd. Fraida told me the whole sleazy story, Mr. French Tickler! I guess we both learned a little something about each other today. Lloyd Christmas:
You said it, pal. Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought. I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now. Harry Dunne:
You just tell me where to sign, bud. Lloyd Christmas:
Right on my ass after you Kiss it! Harry Dunne:
Kiss it! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
Okay, how do you guys know each other? Lloyd Christmas:
We used to be best friends. Harry Dunne:
Yeah, till he turned into a back-stabber. Lloyd Christmas:
Me, a back-stabber? You got a lot of nerve. You knew I was crazy about her! Harry Dunne:
Yeah, and You knew I was crazy about Fraida Felcher, and that didn't stop you, did it? Lloyd Christmas:
[gasps]
What do you mean? Harry Dunne:
"What do you mean?" Don't deny it, Lloyd. Fraida told me the whole sleazy story, Mr. French Tickler! I guess we both learned a little something about each other today. Lloyd Christmas:
You said it, pal. Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought. I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now. Harry Dunne:
You just tell me where to sign, bud. Lloyd Christmas:
Right on my ass after you Kiss it! Harry Dunne:
Kiss it! You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips! Right here! Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
Full Transcript
00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:05.594
How do you guys
know each other?
00:00:05.636 --> 00:00:07.057
We used to be
best friends.
00:00:07.605 --> 00:00:09.573
Yeah, until he turned
into a backstabber.
00:00:09.607 --> 00:00:12.633
Me a backstabber?
You got a lot of nerve.
00:00:12.676 --> 00:00:14.507
You knew I was
crazy about her!
00:00:14.545 --> 00:00:16.843
And you knew I was crazy
about Fraida Felcher,
00:00:16.088 --> 00:00:20.281
- and that didn't stop you, did it?
- (gasps)
00:00:20.317 --> 00:00:22.615
- What do you mean?
- (mimics) What do you mean?
00:00:22.653 --> 00:00:24.553
Don't deny it, Lloyd.
00:00:24.588 --> 00:00:27.853
Fraida told me the whole sleazy story,
Mr. French Tickler.
00:00:30.728 --> 00:00:33.253
Okay, what time does it...
what time does that leave?
00:00:33.297 --> 00:00:35.265
Thank you...
wait a second.
00:00:35.299 --> 00:00:37.233
Can I have
a vegetarian meal?
00:00:37.267 --> 00:00:39.667
I guess we both learned
a little something
00:00:39.703 --> 00:00:42.171
- about each other today, didn't we?
- Yeah, you said it, pal.
00:00:42.206 --> 00:00:43.867
Maybe we're not as good of
friends as we thought we were.
00:00:43.907 --> 00:00:44.839
I guess not.
00:00:44.875 --> 00:00:47.742
I mean, if one beautiful girl
can rip us apart like this,
00:00:47.778 --> 00:00:49.769
then maybe our friendship
isn't worth a damn.
00:00:49.813 --> 00:00:51.246
Maybe we should
call it quits right now.
00:00:51.281 --> 00:00:53.249
You just tell me
where to sign, bud.
00:00:53.283 --> 00:00:55.274
Right on my ass
after you kiss it!
00:00:55.319 --> 00:00:56.911
Kiss it?!
You kiss mine!
00:00:56.954 --> 00:00:59.115
Both cheeks, both lips,
right here!
00:00:59.156 --> 00:01:03.115
- Put it right...
- Shut up!
00:01:05.129 --> 00:01:07.999
Now, which one of you losers
wants to get it first?
00:01:09.333 --> 00:01:11.893
Over here...
00:01:11.935 --> 00:01:14.999
I was the one that got you into
this whole mess.
00:01:14.371 --> 00:01:16.669
Come on
and shoot me.
00:01:16.999 --> 00:01:19.733
No! Wait! Wait.
No no, do me first.
00:01:19.777 --> 00:01:21.087
I stole your girl, Lloyd.
I deserve it.
00:01:21.001 --> 00:01:23.345
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
00:01:23.038 --> 00:01:25.575
- No, you don't...
- Yes, I do!
00:01:25.616 --> 00:01:27.982
Yesterday was one of the greatest
days of my life.
00:01:28.001 --> 00:01:32.148
Mary and I went skiing, we made
a snowman, she touched my leg.
00:01:32.999 --> 00:01:34.001
Okay, kill him!
00:01:41.006 --> 00:01:43.431
(sobbing)
Oh! Oh, no!
00:01:44.902 --> 00:01:48.167
You killed my best friend,
you bastard!
00:01:48.205 --> 00:01:49.999
If it's any consolation,
00:01:49.873 --> 00:01:52.006
you're about
to be reunited.
00:01:56.001 --> 00:01:58.114
(gun clicking)
00:01:58.148 --> 00:02:02.997
Harry!
You're alive!
00:02:02.999 --> 00:02:04.782
And you're
a horrible shot.
00:02:04.822 --> 00:02:06.881
Lucky me.
00:02:06.001 --> 00:02:09.392
Police! Open up!
Nobody move!
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Movie Summary
After a woman leaves a briefcase at the airport terminal, a dumb limo driver and his dumber friend set out on a hilarious cross-country road trip to Aspen to return it.
