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Let me crash on the futon tonight
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Eric Andre: Legalize Everything

Let me crash on the futon tonight, my man!" You're like, "Uh-uh, Admiral.I plead the...

Let me crash on the futon tonight, my man!" You're like, "Uh-uh, Admiral.
I plead the third, motherfucker!" And he's like, "Come on, man.
My battery's on five percent, and my Uber just canceled, man

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.419
Let me crash on the futon tonight,
00:00:03.502 --> 00:00:04.586
my man!"
00:00:04.067 --> 00:00:08.799
You're like, "Uh-uh, Admiral. I plead the third, motherfucker!"
00:00:09.842 --> 00:00:13.178
And he's like, "Come on, man. My battery's on five percent,
00:00:13.429 --> 00:00:16.307
and my Uber just canceled, man.
Duration
16 seconds
Views
36
Timestamp in Movie
00:31:34
Uploaded
Jun 04, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Eric Andre takes the stage in New Orleans and tackles flawed fast-food icons, the wonders of autofill and the bizarre choice for the "Cops" theme song.
Let me at least hold the string cheese out the fridge." - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
Let me at least hold the string cheese out the fridge."
It tasted like, and looked like, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:05
It tasted like, and looked like,
And I did-- I did it after she took a shit at the gym. - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:05
And I did-- I did it after she took a shit at the gym.
I can't put my dick in that asshole, 'cause it's like a dirty crab knuckle, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
I can't put my dick in that asshole, 'cause it...
You gotta force your dick into that fucking violent, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
You gotta force your dick into that fucking violent,
You could try sticking it in that little pee-pee hole, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:05
You could try sticking it in that little pee-pee hole,
And I'm gonna be honest with you, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:06
And I'm gonna be honest with you,
I actually quite enjoy-- It felt like somebody - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
I actually quite enjoy-- It felt like somebody
Okay, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:04
Okay,
And then she continued going down between my buttcheeks, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:06
And then she continued going down between my buttcheeks,
And I was like, "Babe, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
And I was like, "Babe,
And then she finally came up for a breath of air, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
And then she finally came up for a breath of air,
My... My dad looks like Arthur Ashe, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:06
My... My dad looks like Arthur Ashe,
And that is why I look like Ernie from Sesame Street. - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:04
And that is why I look like Ernie from Sesame Street.
My parents done fucked, bro. My parents done-- - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
My parents done fucked, bro. My parents done--
Can I tell you how fucking old school and fresh off the boat - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:05
Can I tell you how fucking old school and fresh off the boat
You can type one word in Google, bloop-bloop, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:09
You can type one word in Google, bloop-bloop,
My parents fucked. Everyone in here, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:04
My parents fucked. Everyone in here,
Close your eyes and picture-- Imagine your parents, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:08
Close your eyes and picture-- Imagine your parents,
But you wouldn't be here, you little shits, - Eric Andre: Legalize Everything 00:06
But you wouldn't be here, you little shits,