You know what it is, you've got an attitude problem. Oh I've got an attitude problem? Yes...

Willard: You know what it is, you've got an attitude problem. Ren: Oh I've got an attitude problem? Willard: Yes and I'm not the first one that's noticed it. I mean we're not stuck in the goddamn middle ages here. I mean we've got TV. We've got Family Feud. We're not stuck in Leave It to Beaver land here. Ren: Well I haven't noticed a wet T-shirt contest in town yet. Willard: Yeah well I haven't either, but I'm waiting. Patiently. Ren: I tell what I'd like to do - I'd like to fold a Playboy centerfold inside every one of Reverend Moore's hymnbooks!

HOW DOES ANYBODY LIVE IN THIS TOWN? YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, PARTNER. YOU GOT AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM. I GOT AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM? YES! AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOTICED IT, REN. WE'RE NOT LIVING IN THE GODDAMN MIDDLE AGES HERE. WE GOT TV. WE GOT FAMILY FEUD. WE'RE NOT STUCK IN LEAVE IT TO BEAVER LAND HERE. YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T NOTICED A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST IN TOWN YET. YEAH, WELL, I HAVEN'T EITHER, BUT I'M WAITING. PATIENTLY. I TELL YA WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO, MAN. I'D LIKE TO GLUE A PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD... INSIDE EVERY ONE OF REVEREND MOORE'S HYMNALS. YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE COULD DO. WE COULD START ONE OF YOUR NIGHTCLUBS, RIGHT THERE IN THE CHURCH, HUH? HEY, THAT'S IT. [Laughing] THAT'S IT, MAN. WHAT? WHAT'S IT? A DANCE. WHAT? A DANCE! WE COULD HAVE A DANCE! YOU KNOW, A DANCE? YOU KNOW, A DANCE? HEY, COME ON, MAN. YOU'RE GONNA GET ME ANGRY, MAN! I'M GONNA TURN THIS TOWN UPSIDE DOWN! COME ON! STOP IT! [Children Chattering] YOU KNOW, I WAS DOWN IN DENVER LAST YEAR... FOR ABOUT A WEEK AT A BIBLE CONVENTION THERE. AND THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE, PEOPLE WOULD COME UP TO ME... AND ASK ME, "REVEREND, HOW CAN YOU LIVE IN SUCH A SMALL TOWN, SO FAR AWAY FROM THE HUSTLE AND BUSTLE OF THE 20th CENTURY?" I'D SAY TO THEM YOU'D NEVER ASK ME THAT... IF YOU COULD JUST ONCE-- JUST FOR ONE MINUTE-- EXPERIENCE THE FEELING OF FAMILY... THAT COMES FROM KNOWING THAT ALL OF OUR LIVES ARE TIED UP WITH EACH OTHER'S. THAT WE FEEL ALL THE SAME JOYS, THE SAME SORROWS. AND THAT WE CARE.