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Great British Theatre

A series of blockbuster theatre productions filmed live by the National Theatre.

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- Oh? OK. That wasn't my intention but...
- Great. - Great British Theatre

- Oh? OK. That wasn't my intention but... - Great.

Our current situation is unusual - Great British Theatre

Our current situation is unusual

I just ran from the station. Sorry.
I'm a bit hot. I'm really excited... - Great British Theatre

I just ran from the station. Sorry. I'm a bit hot. I�...

- Actually, water would be great....
- We're looking for someone - Great British Theatre

- Actually, water would be great.... - We're looking fo...

It will mainly be filing, - Great British Theatre

It will mainly be filing,

It also involves updating the website
and throwing up an occasional twit. - Great British Theatre

It also involves updating the website and throwing up an occ...

It says here that you've done something
similar at the café that you used to... - Great British Theatre

It says here that you've done something similar at the ...

I'm sorry. That won't get you
very far here any more. - Great British Theatre

I'm sorry. That won't get you very far here any mo...

Oh no, sorry,
I thought I had a top on underneath. - Great British Theatre

Oh no, sorry, I thought I had a top on underneath.

- It's my office.
- Yeah? - Great British Theatre

- It's my office. - Yeah?

(FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY) - Great British Theatre

(FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY)

Three nights ago,
I ordered myself a very slutty pizza. - Great British Theatre

Three nights ago, I ordered myself a very slutty pizza.

That dirty little stuffed crust
wanted to be in me so bad - Great British Theatre

That dirty little stuffed crust wanted to be in me so bad

That pretty much nailed that,
and it was pretty late now - Great British Theatre

That pretty much nailed that, and it was pretty late now

I run a guinea-pig themed café,
but it's out of cash - Great British Theatre

I run a guinea-pig themed café, but it's out of cash

And I don't want to dignify
the banker man with a proper mention - Great British Theatre

And I don't want to dignify the banker man with a prope...

Or how I do sometimes wish
I could own up to not having morals - Great British Theatre

Or how I do sometimes wish I could own up to not having mora...

So, OK, I won't. - Great British Theatre

So, OK, I won't.

Even though it would solve everything,
I won't. - Great British Theatre

Even though it would solve everything, I won't.

Lying in my office, the café numbers start
to jump out at me like little ninjas. - Great British Theatre

Lying in my office, the café numbers start to jump out at me...

So, I rationalise it would be good
to switch off for a bit, improve my mind. - Great British Theatre

So, I rationalise it would be good to switch off for a bit, ...

So I watched a pretty good movie,
actually, called 17 Again. - Great British Theatre

So I watched a pretty good movie, actually, called 17 Again.

With Zac Efron, who is... He's fit! - Great British Theatre

With Zac Efron, who is... He's fit!

I know. But seriously,
he's actually a really good actor. - Great British Theatre

I know. But seriously, he's actually a really good acto...

So when that finished,
I lay there, thinking ― - Great British Theatre

So when that finished, I lay there, thinking ―

Googled Obama
to keep up with... you know. - Great British Theatre

Googled Obama to keep up with... you know.

― OBAMA: I am so happy to be here.
― Who, as it turns out, is also... - Great British Theatre

― OBAMA: I am so happy to be here. ― Who, as it turns out, i...

Café, numbers, numbers, Obama, - Great British Theatre

Café, numbers, numbers, Obama,

Suddenly I was on YouPorn
having a horrible wank. - Great British Theatre

Suddenly I was on YouPorn having a horrible wank.

I found just the right sort of gangbang, - Great British Theatre

I found just the right sort of gangbang,

The next morning,
I wake to find a note from Harry - Great British Theatre

The next morning, I wake to find a note from Harry

Didn't know he was counting straws,
but nice to know he was paying attention. - Great British Theatre

Didn't know he was counting straws, but nice to know he...

And everything in the fridge.
I was a bit thrilled by his selfishness. - Great British Theatre

And everything in the fridge. I was a bit thrilled by his se...

Suddenly fancied him again. But I was
relieved that one of us did something. - Great British Theatre

Suddenly fancied him again. But I was relieved that one of u...

He used to say things to me like,
'You're not like other girls. - Great British Theatre

He used to say things to me like, 'You're not like...

I stood staring
at a hand-print on my wall - Great British Theatre

I stood staring at a hand-print on my wall

Harry and I break up every
12-18 months and when we do, well... - Great British Theatre

Harry and I break up every 12-18 months and when we do, well...

I wish I could tell you my threesome
story was awkward and sticky - Great British Theatre

I wish I could tell you my threesome story was awkward and s...

The fridge was a new detail,
but he does always go the extra mile. - Great British Theatre

The fridge was a new detail, but he does always go the extra...

A few times
he's even cleaned the whole flat. - Great British Theatre

A few times he's even cleaned the whole flat.

I've often considered
timing our breakups - Great British Theatre

I've often considered timing our breakups

I sit on the loo - Great British Theatre

I sit on the loo

The moment you realise
someone wants your body. - Great British Theatre

The moment you realise someone wants your body.

Into the shower. Boom. Bedroom. Makeup.
Boom. Gonna really make an effort. - Great British Theatre

Into the shower. Boom. Bedroom. Makeup. Boom. Gonna really m...

I take half an hour trying to look nice
and I end up looking amazing. - Great British Theatre

I take half an hour trying to look nice and I end up looking...

It's the best in ages.
One of those days. Boom! - Great British Theatre

It's the best in ages. One of those days. Boom!

Gorgeous, fresh faced, heels,
wearing a skirt, new top, little bit sexy, - Great British Theatre

Gorgeous, fresh faced, heels, wearing a skirt, new top, litt...

And I'm walking like I've got
a paintbrush up my arse, thinking, - Great British Theatre

And I'm walking like I've got a paintbrush up my a...

She just found out that
her boyfriend fucked someone else - Great British Theatre

She just found out that her boyfriend fucked someone else

She decided to walk
into a busy cycle lane - Great British Theatre

She decided to walk into a busy cycle lane

(FOOTSTEPS) - Great British Theatre

Oversized jacket. Meaty face.
Looks me up and down. - Great British Theatre

Oversized jacket. Meaty face. Looks me up and down.

I worry for a second I'm going to make
a sex offender out of the poor guy. - Great British Theatre

I worry for a second I'm going to make a sex offender o...

He brings his hand to his mouth
and he coughs. - Great British Theatre

He brings his hand to his mouth and he coughs.

I have flat shoes in my bag,
and anyway he was fat. - Great British Theatre

I have flat shoes in my bag, and anyway he was fat.

He lightly pats his belly
like he's a little bear, - Great British Theatre

He lightly pats his belly like he's a little bear,

Evidence. Pat, pat. It makes me laugh. - Great British Theatre

Evidence. Pat, pat. It makes me laugh.

A pretty girl at a party once asked me - Great British Theatre

A pretty girl at a party once asked me

Her boyfriend was the whale in the corner,
blocking the doors to the toilets! - Great British Theatre

Her boyfriend was the whale in the corner, blocking the door...

I asked her if he made her
wash the bits he can't reach. - Great British Theatre

I asked her if he made her wash the bits he can't reach...

She slapped me. Actual slap. - Great British Theatre

She slapped me. Actual slap.

'Local café girl gets hit by bike
and a car and another bike.' - Great British Theatre

'Local café girl gets hit by bike and a car and another...

Notes, flowers, guinea pig memorabilia
were left in her memory. - Great British Theatre

Notes, flowers, guinea pig memorabilia were left in her memo...

She was all small and cute and put
pictures of guinea pigs everywhere. - Great British Theatre

She was all small and cute and put pictures of guinea pigs e...

Which I suspect makes the whole
guinea pig café experience a bit creepy. - Great British Theatre

Which I suspect makes the whole guinea pig café experience a...

No waist or hips. Just straight down. - Great British Theatre

No waist or hips. Just straight down.

Jealous. Sensitive. - Great British Theatre

Jealous. Sensitive.

Ten past 11 at the café.
Quiet. Eerily so. - Great British Theatre

Ten past 11 at the café. Quiet. Eerily so.

Boo always used to play music,
read out horoscopes - Great British Theatre

Boo always used to play music, read out horoscopes

It used to make the place stink, - Great British Theatre

It used to make the place stink,

One guy in the corner drinking tap water
and using the plug. - Great British Theatre

One guy in the corner drinking tap water and using the plug.

He's quite attractive, actually,
but he doesn't look at me. - Great British Theatre

He's quite attractive, actually, but he doesn't lo...

Even when I purposely drop a cucumber
just so I have something to bend over for! - Great British Theatre

Even when I purposely drop a cucumber just so I have somethi...

Even Joe hasn't turned up.
Joe is always here at 11. - Great British Theatre

Even Joe hasn't turned up. Joe is always here at 11.

Proper old geezer,
cockney from the toes up, - Great British Theatre

Proper old geezer, cockney from the toes up,

Huge teeth, white hair, ludicrous grin - Great British Theatre

Huge teeth, white hair, ludicrous grin

I swear the door swings open voluntarily
when he arrives, - Great British Theatre

I swear the door swings open voluntarily when he arrives,

Crash!
(SHOP BELL RINGS) - Great British Theatre

Crash! (SHOP BELL RINGS)

Nothing touches Joe. - Great British Theatre

Nothing touches Joe.

You can hear him bellowing
'Allo sweetpea!' - Great British Theatre

You can hear him bellowing 'Allo sweetpea!'

Long white hair blowing behind him, - Great British Theatre

Long white hair blowing behind him,

Dripping wet from the rain.
All 'All right, magic?' - Great British Theatre

Dripping wet from the rain. All 'All right, magic?'...

I never really noticed he was such
a regular when Boo was here, but now... - Great British Theatre

I never really noticed he was such a regular when Boo was he...

But then it's OK, cos I see his silhouette
take up the window - Great British Theatre

But then it's OK, cos I see his silhouette take up the ...

(FLAT) 'Er, yeah, yeah, ducky.
Yeah, yeah. I'm all right.' - Great British Theatre

(FLAT) 'Er, yeah, yeah, ducky. Yeah, yeah. I'm all...

'Er, yeah, darling, that'd be lovely.
Thank you.' - Great British Theatre

'Er, yeah, darling, that'd be lovely. Thank you.&#...

He rolls a fag
and watches the cup steam. - Great British Theatre

He rolls a fag and watches the cup steam.

'Now, ain't that a beautiful thing?' - Great British Theatre

'Now, ain't that a beautiful thing?'

I ask him for a rollie. I don't smoke.
Well, I do, but... Oh, shut up! - Great British Theatre

I ask him for a rollie. I don't smoke. Well, I do, but....

'Sugarplum, you can have anything
you want. May I have the honour?' - Great British Theatre

'Sugarplum, you can have anything you want. May I have ...

Great British Theatre poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A series of blockbuster theatre productions filmed live by the National Theatre.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: N/A

Writer: N/A

Production:

Genre: drama

Year: 2021

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: N/A

BoxOffice:

Released: 10 Jun 2021

Awards: N/A

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