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I don't have a time machine. I can't tell him that
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Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King

I don't have a time machine.I can't tell him that

I don't have a time machine.
I can't tell him that

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.087
I don't have a time machine. I can't tell him that.
Duration
5 seconds
Views
23
Timestamp in Movie
00:47:59
Uploaded
Oct 30, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Topics include racism, bullying and meeting the demanding expectations of his immigrant p...
When you first fall in love, you get that first taste of the Heisenberg blue. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:06
When you first fall in love, you get that first taste of the...
People here with girlfriends are like, "Babe, it's different with you." - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
People here with girlfriends are like, "Babe, it's...
My secret was, "I want to be a comedian." She said, "I want to be a journalist." - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:11
My secret was, "I want to be a comedian." She said...
Two years, three years, four years, six years, seven years... - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
Two years, three years, four years, six years, seven years.....
I finally get a chance to headline a comedy club. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
I finally get a chance to headline a comedy club.
I did what a lot of early comedians do. I got on Facebook, I got super cocky. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
I did what a lot of early comedians do. I got on Facebook, I...
I was like, "Yo, Facebook! - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
I was like, "Yo, Facebook!
Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. Let me know if you want some tix." - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:10
Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. Let me know if you ...
LA, Chicago, Nashville, New York... I'm flying Southwest. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:06
LA, Chicago, Nashville, New York... I'm flying Southwes...
Oh, hello. La Quinta Inn! Don't mind if I do. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
Oh, hello. La Quinta Inn! Don't mind if I do.
I open up my laptop, fire up Facebook, and I see this. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
I open up my laptop, fire up Facebook, and I see this.
"Hey, um, long time no see. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
"Hey, um, long time no see.
Listen, me and my girlfriends live in Manhattan - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:11
Listen, me and my girlfriends live in Manhattan
I don't know if you know what this means. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
I don't know if you know what this means.
But, you know, if life gives you lemons, - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:13
But, you know, if life gives you lemons,
"Bethany, comma, enter. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:05
"Bethany, comma, enter.
Listen, I would love to give you some tix, - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:11
Listen, I would love to give you some tix,
And I don't think you'd be a good fit." - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
And I don't think you'd be a good fit."
I run to the club, jump on stage... I don't even know what I said. - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:06
I run to the club, jump on stage... I don't even know w...
I was like, "Fuck that. Goodnight." - Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 00:07
I was like, "Fuck that. Goodnight."