What do you know about God, you wire-haired mick?
Join the conversation
Log in or create an account to leave a comment
Log In
Businessman on Train:
[reading a newspaper]
I see the police have made another lightning raid. Paddington drug orgy. Priest on Train:
[Irish accent]
I suppose young girls was involved? Businessman on Train:
One discovered naked in a kitchen. Breasts smeared with peanut butter. "The police took away a bag containing 15 grams of cannibis resin. It may also have contained a quantity of heroin." Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Or a pork pie. Businessman on Train:
I beg your pardon? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I said the bag may also have contained a pork pie. Businessman on Train:
I hardly see how a pork pie's got anything to do with it. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
All right then, what about a large turnip? It may also have contained a big turnip. Priest on Train:
The bag was full of drugs. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Nonsense. Priest on Train:
The bag was full of drugs, It says so! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
The bag could have been full of anything. Pork pies, turnips, oven parts. It's the oldest trick in the book. Priest on Train:
What book? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
The distortion of truth by association book. The word is "may". You all believe heroin was in the bag because cannibis resin was in the bag. The bag may have contained heroin, but the chances are 100 to 1 certain that it didn't. Businessman on Train:
A lot more likely than what you say. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
About as likely as a tit spread with peanut butter. Businessman on Train:
Do you mind? Priest on Train:
The tit was spread with peanut butter! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Nonsense. Priest on Train:
It says so! Who's the man you are to think you know more about it than the press? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I'm an expert on tits. Tits and peanut butter. I'm also an expert drug pusher. I've been pushing drugs for 20 years. And I can tell you a pusher protects his pitch! We wanna sell them cigarettes and don't like competition, see? So we associate a relatively innocuous drug with one that is extremely dangerous, and the rags go along with it because they adore the dough from the ads! Businessman on Train:
I've had enough of this. I'm getting off at Datchet. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
[getting even more animated]
Getting off at Datchet won't help you! Getting off anywhere won't help you! I've had an octopus squatting on my brain for a fortnight, and I suddenly see that I am the only one that can help you! It would be pointless to go into the reasons why, but I've been worried sick about boils for a fortnight! Large boils, small boils, fast eruptors, they're incurable, all of them! [the other 3 men leave the compartment and head to the door, Bagley follows them] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I know that and so does everybody else, until they get one! Then the rules suddenly change. With a boil on the nose, there's sudden overnight surge in fate, they wanna believe something will work! [points to the priest] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
He knows that, which is why he gets a good look-in with the dying. [they step off the train and shut the door. Bagley sticks his head out of the window] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Sells them hope, see? But these boys would be full time into real estate if anyone came up with a genuine cure for death! Priest on Train:
Good God, this is a madman! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
What do you know about God, you wire-haired mick?
[reading a newspaper]
I see the police have made another lightning raid. Paddington drug orgy. Priest on Train:
[Irish accent]
I suppose young girls was involved? Businessman on Train:
One discovered naked in a kitchen. Breasts smeared with peanut butter. "The police took away a bag containing 15 grams of cannibis resin. It may also have contained a quantity of heroin." Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Or a pork pie. Businessman on Train:
I beg your pardon? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I said the bag may also have contained a pork pie. Businessman on Train:
I hardly see how a pork pie's got anything to do with it. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
All right then, what about a large turnip? It may also have contained a big turnip. Priest on Train:
The bag was full of drugs. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Nonsense. Priest on Train:
The bag was full of drugs, It says so! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
The bag could have been full of anything. Pork pies, turnips, oven parts. It's the oldest trick in the book. Priest on Train:
What book? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
The distortion of truth by association book. The word is "may". You all believe heroin was in the bag because cannibis resin was in the bag. The bag may have contained heroin, but the chances are 100 to 1 certain that it didn't. Businessman on Train:
A lot more likely than what you say. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
About as likely as a tit spread with peanut butter. Businessman on Train:
Do you mind? Priest on Train:
The tit was spread with peanut butter! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Nonsense. Priest on Train:
It says so! Who's the man you are to think you know more about it than the press? Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I'm an expert on tits. Tits and peanut butter. I'm also an expert drug pusher. I've been pushing drugs for 20 years. And I can tell you a pusher protects his pitch! We wanna sell them cigarettes and don't like competition, see? So we associate a relatively innocuous drug with one that is extremely dangerous, and the rags go along with it because they adore the dough from the ads! Businessman on Train:
I've had enough of this. I'm getting off at Datchet. Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
[getting even more animated]
Getting off at Datchet won't help you! Getting off anywhere won't help you! I've had an octopus squatting on my brain for a fortnight, and I suddenly see that I am the only one that can help you! It would be pointless to go into the reasons why, but I've been worried sick about boils for a fortnight! Large boils, small boils, fast eruptors, they're incurable, all of them! [the other 3 men leave the compartment and head to the door, Bagley follows them] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
I know that and so does everybody else, until they get one! Then the rules suddenly change. With a boil on the nose, there's sudden overnight surge in fate, they wanna believe something will work! [points to the priest] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
He knows that, which is why he gets a good look-in with the dying. [they step off the train and shut the door. Bagley sticks his head out of the window] Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
Sells them hope, see? But these boys would be full time into real estate if anyone came up with a genuine cure for death! Priest on Train:
Good God, this is a madman! Denis Dimbleby Bagley:
What do you know about God, you wire-haired mick?
Full Transcript
00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:06.663
I see the police have made
another lightning raid.
00:00:06.737 --> 00:00:09.433
- Paddington drug orgy.
- [Scoffs]
00:00:09.506 --> 00:00:11.077
I suppose
young girls was involved.
00:00:11.842 --> 00:00:14.276
"One discovered naked
in the kitchen,
00:00:14.345 --> 00:00:16.054
"breasts smeared
with peanut butter.
00:00:16.614 --> 00:00:19.378
"The police took away a bag
containing 15 grams...
00:00:19.045 --> 00:00:21.714
"of cannibis resin.
00:00:21.785 --> 00:00:25.516
It may also contain
a quantity of heroin."
00:00:25.589 --> 00:00:27.716
[Bagley]
Or a pork pie.
00:00:27.791 --> 00:00:29.725
I beg your pardon?
00:00:29.793 --> 00:00:33.729
I said, the bag may also
have contained a pork pie.
00:00:33.797 --> 00:00:37.013
I hardly see a pork pie's
got anything to do with it.
00:00:37.201 --> 00:00:40.534
All right. Then.
What about a large turnip?
00:00:40.604 --> 00:00:43.999
It may also have contained
a big turnip.
00:00:43.173 --> 00:00:45.767
- The bag was full of drugs.
- Nonsense.
00:00:45.843 --> 00:00:48.141
The bag was full of drugs!
It says so!
00:00:48.212 --> 00:00:50.442
The bag could have been
full of anything...
00:00:50.514 --> 00:00:52.914
pork pies, turnips,
oven parts.
00:00:52.983 --> 00:00:55.474
- It's the oldest trick in the book.
- What book?
00:00:55.552 --> 00:00:58.112
The distortion of truth
by association book.
00:00:58.188 --> 00:01:00.156
The word is "may."
00:01:00.224 --> 00:01:03.955
You all believe heroin was in the bag
because cannibis resin was in the bag.
00:01:04.006 --> 00:01:08.488
The bag may have contained heroin, but
the chances are 100 to 1 that it didn't.
00:01:08.565 --> 00:01:10.059
More likely
than what you say.
00:01:10.001 --> 00:01:13.999
About as likely as a tit
spread with peanut butter.
00:01:13.303 --> 00:01:15.931
- Do you mind?
- The tits were spread.
00:01:16.002 --> 00:01:20.136
Who's the man you are to think
you know more than the press?
00:01:20.999 --> 00:01:23.907
I'm an expert on tits...
tits and peanut butter.
00:01:23.999 --> 00:01:26.279
I'm also an expert
drug pusher.
00:01:26.999 --> 00:01:28.614
I've been pushing drugs
for 20 years.
00:01:28.001 --> 00:01:32.747
- I've had enough of this!
- A pusher protects his pitch.
00:01:32.999 --> 00:01:35.792
We want to sell them cigarettes
and don't like competition.
00:01:35.999 --> 00:01:38.726
So we associate
a relatively innocuous drug...
00:01:38.001 --> 00:01:40.991
with one that is
extremely dangerous.
00:01:41.998 --> 00:01:44.694
And the rags go along with it because
they adore the dough from the ads.
00:01:44.768 --> 00:01:49.262
- I'm getting off at Datcher.
- Getting off won't help you.
00:01:49.339 --> 00:01:52.172
I've had an octopus scotting
on my brain for a fortnight,
00:01:52.242 --> 00:01:55.973
and I suddenly see that I am
the only one that can help you.
00:01:56.006 --> 00:01:58.081
I've been worried sick
about boils for a fortnight...
00:01:58.001 --> 00:02:01.001
large boils, small boils,
fast eruptors...
00:02:01.999 --> 00:02:04.645
They're incurable, all of them.
I know that, and so does everybody else.
00:02:04.999 --> 00:02:07.282
Until they get one.
Then the rules suddenly change.
00:02:07.357 --> 00:02:10.001
With a boil on the nose,
there's a sudden surge in faith.
00:02:10.999 --> 00:02:12.001
They want to believe
something will work.
00:02:12.001 --> 00:02:15.001
He knows that, which is why he gets
a good look in with dying.
00:02:16.987 --> 00:02:17.001
Sell some hope, see?
00:02:17.267 --> 00:02:19.999
These boys would be
full-time into real estate...
00:02:19.001 --> 00:02:21.001
if anyone came up
with a cure for death!
00:02:21.001 --> 00:02:23.999
God, this is a madman!
00:02:23.999 --> 00:02:26.999
What do you know about God,
you wire-haired mick?
00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:29.602
Here, have 'em.
I've given up.
00:02:29.001 --> 00:02:32.672
[Train Whistle Blows]
00:02:36.999 --> 00:02:41.002
- What on earth are you doing?
- I'm reading a newspaper.
00:02:41.125 --> 00:02:44.001
We're in the middle
of a dinner party.
00:02:44.994 --> 00:02:47.001
I'm sorry. I can't bear
that pompous herbivore in there.
00:02:47.001 --> 00:02:50.999
I'm sick of hearing
about her soya proteins.
00:02:50.267 --> 00:02:52.792
You might at least
make a bit of an effort.
00:02:52.087 --> 00:02:56.999
At least sit at the table.
Bring the cream.
00:02:56.084 --> 00:02:59.673
Actually had both breasts
and the leg removed?
00:02:59.999 --> 00:03:02.303
Most girls love
being on the pill.
00:03:02.999 --> 00:03:06.315
Do you think women like filling
their bodies with chemicals?
00:03:06.001 --> 00:03:08.001
We're talking about eels.
00:03:08.999 --> 00:03:12.002
Yes, it is most extraordinary.
Apparently, by the year 2000,
00:03:12.001 --> 00:03:16.001
the level of estrogen in the sea will be
as much as two parts per million.
00:03:16.001 --> 00:03:20.624
So many women taking the pill,
it's starting to mess up the fish.
00:03:20.697 --> 00:03:23.999
- They're breeding in the sea.
- I thought fish did.
00:03:23.005 --> 00:03:26.999
Not eels, darling.
Eels breed in rivers.
00:03:26.999 --> 00:03:29.001
I think men should bleed.
00:03:32.001 --> 00:03:35.999
What a disgusting
thing to say!
00:03:35.512 --> 00:03:37.309
You find bleeding
disgusting, do you?
00:03:37.381 --> 00:03:40.861
Not particularly.
Just the way you said it.
00:03:40.998 --> 00:03:42.001
That horrible sneer
and mouth full of nuts.
00:03:42.786 --> 00:03:45.011
Darling, Penny is our guest.
00:03:45.001 --> 00:03:48.001
Women, I might inform you,
take that primitive device...
00:03:48.999 --> 00:03:51.989
called the pill
because it's all they've got.
00:03:51.161 --> 00:03:53.001
They don't like it.
I personally abhor it.
00:03:53.063 --> 00:03:55.001
But, unfortunately,
it's all we've got.
00:03:55.001 --> 00:03:59.994
- In what context?
- In the context of bed.
00:03:59.001 --> 00:04:02.993
I'm surprised
you need to bother.
00:04:06.977 --> 00:04:09.172
Contrail, anyone?
00:04:09.001 --> 00:04:13.148
Darling, I know you're having
a very difficult time at the moment,
00:04:13.001 --> 00:04:17.654
and I know you've had rather a lot
to drink and didn't mean what you said.
00:04:17.721 --> 00:04:21.997
But Penny is our guest and
I'd like you to apologize.
00:04:21.998 --> 00:04:25.998
He doesn't need to. Those kinds
of sexist attitudes are beyond apology.
00:04:25.998 --> 00:04:28.997
What do you mean by that?
00:04:28.999 --> 00:04:31.004
Do you really think
I don't understand?
00:04:31.001 --> 00:04:36.002
You dislike me because I'm not one of
those starved little tarts you exploit.
00:04:36.173 --> 00:04:38.001
I don't rush out
and buy your latest makeup.
00:04:38.375 --> 00:04:41.003
I have a mind of my own.
And I have a body of my own...
00:04:42.016 --> 00:04:46.003
that doesn't fit into the preconceived
patterns men like you dictate.
00:04:46.001 --> 00:04:49.997
- You mean you're fat.
- Yes, I'm fat!
00:04:49.001 --> 00:04:52.998
And you're perfectly at liberty
to hate me for it.
00:04:52.997 --> 00:04:54.002
I don't dislike you
because of that.
00:04:54.524 --> 00:04:58.392
I wouldn't care if you were so huge we
had to put up scaffolding to feed you.
00:04:58.999 --> 00:05:00.726
For God's sake.
Let's not have a row.
00:05:00.003 --> 00:05:04.004
- Why shouldn't we have a row?
- Because nobody wants one!
00:05:04.997 --> 00:05:07.005
- You're being completely irrational.
- Irrational?
00:05:07.003 --> 00:05:11.997
We're all prepared to sit here
discussing mung beans and soya protein,
00:05:11.002 --> 00:05:13.001
but if anybody touches on
anything real. It's irrational?
00:05:13.911 --> 00:05:17.998
Then you're being rude.
Unutterably rude and a bore!
00:05:17.003 --> 00:05:21.998
- Come and have a drink.
- Now I'm gonna have another.
00:05:24.974 --> 00:05:26.998
Do you wear Y-fronts?
00:05:26.997 --> 00:05:28.001
- Don't tell him.
- I think you're contemptible.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:32.999
And I think you are a vegan
who eats meat in secret.
00:05:32.001 --> 00:05:35.069
- She's a meat-eating vegan.
- I do not eat meat!
00:05:35.002 --> 00:05:37.998
But you'll eat fish
till the cows come home.
00:05:38.984 --> 00:05:40.001
- Don't argue with him.
- Fish is allowed!
00:05:40.999 --> 00:05:43.997
Including eels?
Eels full of estrogen?
00:05:43.002 --> 00:05:46.001
If it's buggering the eels,
think what it's doing to you.
00:05:48.975 --> 00:05:51.999
- Get back to your fig bottling!
- You're going out of control.
00:05:51.999 --> 00:05:54.997
Oh, no, I'm not.
I'm beginning to see the light.
00:05:54.002 --> 00:05:57.001
- You're talking nonsense.
- It's all so clear.
00:05:57.002 --> 00:06:01.001
I've been living a nightmare,
obsessed with other people's acne,
00:06:01.001 --> 00:06:04.002
wracking my brains
to be original about boils.
00:06:04.002 --> 00:06:06.998
I've been going berserk!
00:06:06.001 --> 00:06:09.002
But then I suddenly
thought of a pork pie.
00:06:09.001 --> 00:06:13.001
- Get his Valium.
- It was like a fucking brainwave!
00:06:13.087 --> 00:06:17.738
I have discovered that brains
are being laundered daily.
00:06:17.999 --> 00:06:22.002
I have found that out,
but it shall be no more!
00:06:31.998 --> 00:06:34.998
[Clock Chiming]
00:06:48.238 --> 00:06:52.003
Jesus Christ!
What do you think you're doing?
00:06:52.003 --> 00:06:55.002
I'm completing a process
of natural selection.
00:06:55.846 --> 00:06:58.044
I'm going through
everything in the house...
00:06:58.999 --> 00:07:01.989
and isolating items
of genuine worth.
00:07:01.001 --> 00:07:05.997
All other products, especially
those contaminated with advertising,
00:07:05.998 --> 00:07:07.003
I am disposing of.
00:07:07.002 --> 00:07:10.002
Have you gone
out of your mind?
00:07:10.999 --> 00:07:14.002
I know it's going to be difficult, but
I'll explain and you will understand.
00:07:14.001 --> 00:07:18.025
Dennis, listen to me.
You're under tremendous stress.
00:07:18.101 --> 00:07:22.999
You were drunk last night,
and you were out of control.
00:07:22.339 --> 00:07:26.002
Maybe, but I've had time to work things
out, to get everything in perspective.
Want This Clip in HD?
Upgrade for HD/4K downloads and unlimited access. Upgrade now →
Movie Summary
A cynical advertising exec has a block at work leading to a meltdown. He's hilariously out of control. Getting a big, talking boil on his shoulder doesn't help.
