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You're sitting there spread-eagle, she's like,
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Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled

You're sitting there spread-eagle,she's like, "I'll get it on tape, I'll be there for the...

You're sitting there spread-eagle,
she's like, "I'll get it on tape, I'll be there for the conception.
This is excellent." Your father is there
and he loves you, girls, - but he is tapped out. He's like...
- "Yeah, fuck her, I don't know

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.001
You're sitting there spread-eagle, she's like, "I'll get it on tape,
00:00:04.129 --> 00:00:06.923
I'll be there for the conception. This is excellent."
00:00:07.002 --> 00:00:09.342
Your father is there and he loves you, girls,
00:00:09.426 --> 00:00:12.306
- but he is tapped out. He's like... - "Yeah, fuck her, I don't know.
Duration
12 seconds
Views
40
Timestamp in Movie
00:26:14
Uploaded
Jun 06, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Iliza Shelsinger in her fifth Netflix stand-up special, discussing marriage and its traditions.
So you go to the dance floor, - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
So you go to the dance floor,
...stump - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
...stump
A single chair - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:08
A single chair
And you're like, "Sit, okay. I wasn't planning on enjoying myself, but okay." - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:09
And you're like, "Sit, okay. I wasn't plannin...
'Cause you're a bride like me or a bride that chose a dress - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
'Cause you're a bride like me or a bride that chos...
You're a bride like me that perhaps chose a dress - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
You're a bride like me that perhaps chose a dress
'Cause you told yourself you were gonna lose the weight - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:05
'Cause you told yourself you were gonna lose the weight
So that dress is tight and you are trying to make yourself thin and compact - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
So that dress is tight and you are trying to make yourself t...
Trying to extend the torso, tuck in the tailbone, - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:06
Trying to extend the torso, tuck in the tailbone,
You're like that goat in the cage - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:05
You're like that goat in the cage
Slowly lowering yourself down, praying to God that you don't experience - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:09
Slowly lowering yourself down, praying to God that you don&#...
But none is more embarrassing than the horror - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:11
But none is more embarrassing than the horror
'Cause it couldn't contain your lady meat. - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:04
'Cause it couldn't contain your lady meat.
So you finally sit down, right? You go down to the hem of your skirt, - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:07
So you finally sit down, right? You go down to the hem of yo...
You go to lift up the hem and that's when you realize - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:05
You go to lift up the hem and that's when you realize
And you sit there and you wait - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:08
And you sit there and you wait
But, of course, the onus is on the woman to pass this test - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:09
But, of course, the onus is on the woman to pass this test
...and turned on at your new choice in mate, - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:09
...and turned on at your new choice in mate,
That's who I might have a family with." - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:10
That's who I might have a family with."
And you have to sit there - Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled 00:07
And you have to sit there