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Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Jack Whitehall hits the stage with hilarious tales about happy couples, life in hotels, human stupidity and his well-traveled father.

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Dave Skinner, Freddie Waters

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[crowd chattering] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

[crowd chattering]

-Jack, can you sign this for me, please?
-Jack-- - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

-Jack, can you sign this for me, please? -Jack--

[tires screech] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

[tires screech]

[electricity crackling] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

[electricity crackling]

Wow, it doesn't get
any more prestigious than this. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Wow, it doesn't get any more prestigious than this.

I'm quite nervous. I'm quite nervous.
I've got to be frank with you, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I'm quite nervous. I'm quite nervous. I've go...

The most I have ever bombed on stage
[laughs] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

The most I have ever bombed on stage [laughs]

The first thing that was weird
about this gig is that I walked out, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

The first thing that was weird about this gig is that I walk...

I was thinking: "You are aware
this is real life, not Game of Thrones?" - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I was thinking: "You are aware this is real life, not G...

The front row as a comedian
is the get-out-of-jail-free card. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

The front row as a comedian is the get-out-of-jail-free card...

I can't ask Prince Charles
what he does for a living. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I can't ask Prince Charles what he does for a living.

He is the most famous
unemployed man on the planet. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

He is the most famous unemployed man on the planet.

"What do you do for a living?"
"Just sort of sit around, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

"What do you do for a living?" "Just sort of ...

I'm glad you laughed.
I'm not gonna lie, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I'm glad you laughed. I'm not gonna lie,

Meghan was the only one laughing
which, if anything, made it worse. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Meghan was the only one laughing which, if anything, made it...

The other weird thing about this gig is
that they didn't give me a microphone, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

The other weird thing about this gig is that they didn'...

'Cause this is the only thing
that gives me status over you. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

'Cause this is the only thing that gives me status over...

[yelling]
the crazy guy shouting on the high street! - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

[yelling] the crazy guy shouting on the high street!

With this: "Hi, I'm here to talk to you
about politics." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

With this: "Hi, I'm here to talk to you about poli...

Forty-five minutes of dancing around
in front of the royal family - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Forty-five minutes of dancing around in front of the royal f...

My final indignity occurred, though,
after the gig. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

My final indignity occurred, though, after the gig.

Now, as a comedian, you know
when you have had a bad show. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Now, as a comedian, you know when you have had a bad show.

You especially do not need to be
bantered by the future King of England. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

You especially do not need to be bantered by the future King...

It's fine, it's fine. I hooked him up
with my friends at Magic Mike. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

It's fine, it's fine. I hooked him up with my frie...

It's important as a comedian.
It's hard when you're traveling. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

It's important as a comedian. It's hard when you&#...

There is no way
that comment is ending up in the special. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

There is no way that comment is ending up in the special.

Americans, you basically
do everything that we do, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Americans, you basically do everything that we do,

But your stupid people are world class. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

But your stupid people are world class.

And that is not me saying:
"All Americans are stupid." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

And that is not me saying: "All Americans are stupid.&q...

What I'm saying is
that when America does stupid, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

What I'm saying is that when America does stupid,

Like, our village idiot is in a park,
shouting at clouds. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Like, our village idiot is in a park, shouting at clouds.

And I went down for breakfast in my hotel, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

And I went down for breakfast in my hotel,

If you do not know
that you are meant to butter your toast - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

If you do not know that you are meant to butter your toast

To be fair, right? This sign was affixed
to the worst invention - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

To be fair, right? This sign was affixed to the worst invent...

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the hotel... - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the hotel...

No one in this entire 10,000-strong arena - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

No one in this entire 10,000-strong arena

And handily fitted with a small window, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

And handily fitted with a small window,

There is literally no setting
to get it right. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

There is literally no setting to get it right.

It's like putting a ginger on a sunbed,
it's impossible. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

It's like putting a ginger on a sunbed, it's impos...

And there's always a queue
out into the lobby - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

And there's always a queue out into the lobby

A bagel? Are you out of
your fucking mind, Granddad? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

A bagel? Are you out of your fucking mind, Granddad?

If you wanted a bagel toasted
in that machine in time for breakfast, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

If you wanted a bagel toasted in that machine in time for br...

By the time that's toast,
you might be as well. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

By the time that's toast, you might be as well.

Then it's like they went: - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Then it's like they went:

I know, let's have
your piece of crappy toast - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I know, let's have your piece of crappy toast

"Oh, this is going to be
a slippery catch to take." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

"Oh, this is going to be a slippery catch to take."...

The worst sign that I saw was
in the same hotel, but it was by the pool. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

The worst sign that I saw was in the same hotel, but it was ...

I went down to the hotel pool - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I went down to the hotel pool

It read like this: - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

It read like this:

Well, thank you very much
for putting me off this, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Well, thank you very much for putting me off this,

How is that something that we need
a sign to remind us of? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

How is that something that we need a sign to remind us of?

Don't get me wrong, I like swimming
as much as the next man. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Don't get me wrong, I like swimming as much as the next...

But I accept that if I am
in the clutches of an attack... - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

But I accept that if I am in the clutches of an attack...

Of active diarrhea, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Of active diarrhea,

Swimming, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I personally am the kind of person
that lives his life governed by the fear - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I personally am the kind of person that lives his life gover...

Case in point, every time I'm in a car - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Case in point, every time I'm in a car

Active diarrhea. As opposed to what? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Active diarrhea. As opposed to what?

My great-grandfather traveled to India,
picked up a bit of the old Delhi belly, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

My great-grandfather traveled to India, picked up a bit of t...

If that is the case,
and for some baffling reason - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

If that is the case, and for some baffling reason

"What's this? 'No running, no diving...'
But ah, yes, nothing about shitting. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

"What's this? 'No running, no...

Well, bombs away." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Well, bombs away."

We have to care about everyone's feelings,
everyone's tolerances, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

We have to care about everyone's feelings, everyone...

I'll tell you where it's gone too far,
and I have to be the person to say this. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I'll tell you where it's gone too far, and I have ...

Would everyone stop
[yelling] milking shit? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Would everyone stop [yelling] milking shit?

Near to where I live, in London,
a very rough part of London - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Near to where I live, in London, a very rough part of London

I went in there.
I have very straightforward coffee tastes. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I went in there. I have very straightforward coffee tastes.

I went in there. I was like:
"Hello, I'd like a white coffee, please." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I went in there. I was like: "Hello, I'd like a wh...

We've got a coconut milk,
we've got an almond nut milk, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

We've got a coconut milk, we've got an almond nut ...

You can have it from a bean,
pulse, nut, grain, oat, lax, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

You can have it from a bean, pulse, nut, grain, oat, lax,

I'll take it
from whatever nipple I can get." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I'll take it from whatever nipple I can get."

Like I was the weirdo. I'm not the weirdo. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Like I was the weirdo. I'm not the weirdo.

You're the one in the back
of the shop with your friends, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

You're the one in the back of the shop with your friend...

I do not, for one moment,
doubt that lactose intolerance - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I do not, for one moment, doubt that lactose intolerance

But lest I remind you,
we currently don't have a cure for cancer, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

But lest I remind you, we currently don't have a cure f...

But I'm about to hit you up - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

But I'm about to hit you up

Milk must come... from a tit. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Milk must come... from a tit.

Last time I checked, the almond?
Pretty flat-chested. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Last time I checked, the almond? Pretty flat-chested.

You are drinking... nut juice. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

You are drinking... nut juice.

Oh, dear.
[laughs] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Oh, dear. [laughs]

[giggles] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I bring this up 'cause I was
in the northeast of England - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

I bring this up 'cause I was in the northeast of Englan...

It was amazing.
There was a slightly older gentleman - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

It was amazing. There was a slightly older gentleman

And my tour manager, Johnny,
asked him about the milk situation. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

And my tour manager, Johnny, asked him about the milk situat...

He was like: "Excuse me,
what are the milk options?" - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

He was like: "Excuse me, what are the milk options?&quo...

Where are the dairy drinkers in?
Who's a dairy drinker here this evening? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Where are the dairy drinkers in? Who's a dairy drinker ...

[cheering] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Seriously. Watch as we get
slowly ostracized from society. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

Seriously. Watch as we get slowly ostracized from society.

They'll give us our own designated areas
to go and drink our dirty titty milk in. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

They'll give us our own designated areas to go and drin...

You'll go into the supermarket,
pick up a carton of milk, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

You'll go into the supermarket, pick up a carton of mil...

Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Jack Whitehall hits the stage with hilarious tales about happy couples, life in hotels, human stupidity and his well-traveled father.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Dave Skinner, Freddie Waters

Writer: Jack Whitehall

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2020

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.7

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 21 Jul 2020

Awards: N/A

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