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Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

If that is the case,and for some baffling reason you have decidedthat your best chance of...

If that is the case,
and for some baffling reason you have decided
that your best chance of salvation is the crowded hotel swimming pool, I don't think you're the kind of fucker
that stops to read a sign

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.088
If that is the case, and for some baffling reason
00:00:03.096 --> 00:00:07.096
you have decided that your best chance of salvation
00:00:08.008 --> 00:00:11.092
is the crowded hotel swimming pool,
00:00:12.068 --> 00:00:16.024
I don't think you're the kind of fucker that stops to read a sign.
Duration
16 seconds
Views
44
Timestamp in Movie
00:10:48
Uploaded
May 27, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Jack Whitehall hits the stage with hilarious tales about happy couples, life in hotels, human stupidity and his well-traveled father.
"What's this? 'No running, no diving...' But ah, yes, nothing about shitting. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
"What's this? 'No running, no...
Well, bombs away." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:12
Well, bombs away."
We have to care about everyone's feelings, everyone's tolerances, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:12
We have to care about everyone's feelings, everyone...
I'll tell you where it's gone too far, and I have to be the person to say this. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
I'll tell you where it's gone too far, and I have ...
Would everyone stop [yelling] milking shit? - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
Would everyone stop [yelling] milking shit?
Near to where I live, in London, a very rough part of London - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
Near to where I live, in London, a very rough part of London
I went in there. I have very straightforward coffee tastes. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
I went in there. I have very straightforward coffee tastes.
I went in there. I was like: "Hello, I'd like a white coffee, please." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:08
I went in there. I was like: "Hello, I'd like a wh...
We've got a coconut milk, we've got an almond nut milk, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:11
We've got a coconut milk, we've got an almond nut ...
You can have it from a bean, pulse, nut, grain, oat, lax, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:21
You can have it from a bean, pulse, nut, grain, oat, lax,
I'll take it from whatever nipple I can get." - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:07
I'll take it from whatever nipple I can get."
Like I was the weirdo. I'm not the weirdo. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Like I was the weirdo. I'm not the weirdo.
You're the one in the back of the shop with your friends, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:07
You're the one in the back of the shop with your friend...
I do not, for one moment, doubt that lactose intolerance - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:08
I do not, for one moment, doubt that lactose intolerance
But lest I remind you, we currently don't have a cure for cancer, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:14
But lest I remind you, we currently don't have a cure f...
But I'm about to hit you up - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
But I'm about to hit you up
Milk must come... from a tit. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Milk must come... from a tit.
Last time I checked, the almond? Pretty flat-chested. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Last time I checked, the almond? Pretty flat-chested.
You are drinking... nut juice. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
You are drinking... nut juice.
Oh, dear. [laughs] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
Oh, dear. [laughs]