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Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking

"When are you "I'm trying to put an end to this bloodlineof syphilitic mass murderers."...

They keep asking: "When are you
going to give us a grandchild?" I'm like: "I'm trying to put an end to this bloodline
of syphilitic mass murderers." But it's because I had
my first proper breakup recently

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:04.012
They keep asking: "When are you going to give us a grandchild?"
00:00:04.002 --> 00:00:05.096
I'm like: "I'm trying to put an end
00:00:06.004 --> 00:00:08.048
to this bloodline of syphilitic mass murderers."
00:00:09.008 --> 00:00:11.092
But it's because I had my first proper breakup recently.
Duration
12 seconds
Views
21
Timestamp in Movie
00:32:04
Uploaded
May 27, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Jack Whitehall hits the stage with hilarious tales about happy couples, life in hotels, human stupidity and his well-traveled father.
I had an amicable breakup, which people tell you is a good thing. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
I had an amicable breakup, which people tell you is a good t...
Because the one advantage - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:06
Because the one advantage
No one has ever written a brilliant album about a lovely breakup, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:06
No one has ever written a brilliant album about a lovely bre...
I wanted her crushing my heart into the floor, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
I wanted her crushing my heart into the floor,
Instead, my ex-girlfriend took my mom for tea - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:07
Instead, my ex-girlfriend took my mom for tea
Yeah, fuck you with your kindness and generosity. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Yeah, fuck you with your kindness and generosity.
Instead, I'm in the shallow end, making jokes about diarrhea. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Instead, I'm in the shallow end, making jokes about dia...
Then we had this weird situation where me and my ex were just friends - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:08
Then we had this weird situation where me and my ex were jus...
Trying to help each other acclimatize to our new life as just friends. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
Trying to help each other acclimatize to our new life as jus...
We were in the kitchen together, and for the first time in six years, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:07
We were in the kitchen together, and for the first time in s...
I just walked out of the room, went upstairs, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:10
I just walked out of the room, went upstairs,
In one gust, she had broken wind and my heart. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
In one gust, she had broken wind and my heart.
[exhales] - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
[exhales]
She was literally trying to fart herself off the pedestal. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
She was literally trying to fart herself off the pedestal.
I was like: "Is there anything I could do - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:13
I was like: "Is there anything I could do
Got to put a shift in in the bedroom again, I don't like having to do that. - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:04
Got to put a shift in in the bedroom again, I don't lik...
I always say, sex with me is like arriving late at the theater - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:06
I always say, sex with me is like arriving late at the theat...
Lot of shuffling, bit of shushing, a pause, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:16
Lot of shuffling, bit of shushing, a pause,
I'm not equipped for a breakup emotionally, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:06
I'm not equipped for a breakup emotionally,
If a relationship broke down at boarding school, - Jack Whitehall: I'm Only Joking 00:05
If a relationship broke down at boarding school,