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Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Jack Whitehall takes the stage at London's O2 Arena to riff on dogs, drinking, dining alone, and finally deciding to settle down and become a father.

Director

Chris Howe

Year

Genre

documentary, comedy

Box Office

N/A

Production

N/A

Awards

N/A

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It turned what should've been
a pleasant holiday - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

It turned what should've been a pleasant holiday

Every day, trundling around the Serengeti - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Every day, trundling around the Serengeti

Every time I went past a lion, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Every time I went past a lion,

Roxy kept trying to put me at ease.
"Jack, don't worry." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Roxy kept trying to put me at ease. "Jack, don't w...

"Hi!" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I was so worried
about attracting the animals, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I was so worried about attracting the animals,

This is a bit of a distraction,
but every day, I was like, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

This is a bit of a distraction, but every day, I was like,

The zebra must've been done
at about 5:55 on the Friday afternoon. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

The zebra must've been done at about 5:55 on the Friday...

I'm not done with the Floridians yet.
The other issue was the levels of chat. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I'm not done with the Floridians yet. The other issue w...

She was like, "So, what does everyone
wanna see most on this safari?" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She was like, "So, what does everyone wanna see most on...

Honestly, in the end, the only way
I could get through the week - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Honestly, in the end, the only way I could get through the w...

He did not like that chat at all. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

He did not like that chat at all.

He was like, "What in the world
are you talking about, son?" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

He was like, "What in the world are you talking about, ...

"It's not natural." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

"It's not natural."

Remember when they announced
the live-action Beauty and the Beast, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Remember when they announced the live-action Beauty and the ...

"You can't have that in a Disney movie,
a man loving another man." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

"You can't have that in a Disney movie, a man lovi...

That film is about a woman
fucking a wildebeest. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

That film is about a woman fucking a wildebeest.

To be fair, I don't think I've taken that
directly from the Disney Plus description. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

To be fair, I don't think I've taken that directly...

It just happened
with the live-action Little Mermaid. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

It just happened with the live-action Little Mermaid.

"You can't have that.
You can't have a mixed-race Ariel." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

"You can't have that. You can't have a mixed-...

She is the most mixed-race character
that has ever been conceived. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She is the most mixed-race character that has ever been conc...

The worst was a tweet,
it had thousands of retweets, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

The worst was a tweet, it had thousands of retweets,

How desperately sad are you - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

How desperately sad are you

He was like, "It's not even
scientifically possible, right, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

He was like, "It's not even scientifically possibl...

I guess the only thing they should've
updated is the ending, right? - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I guess the only thing they should've updated is the en...

If Ariel is mixed-race,
she's got to marry the prince, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

If Ariel is mixed-race, she's got to marry the prince,

I feel a bit sorry for them,
but, then again, at the end of the day, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I feel a bit sorry for them, but, then again, at the end of ...

Honestly, I saw a lovely article recently,
groundbreaking news, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Honestly, I saw a lovely article recently, groundbreaking ne...

The only person I felt a little sorry for
when I read that article - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

The only person I felt a little sorry for when I read that a...

Come on. A superhero that's a woman
that used to be a man? Great. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Come on. A superhero that's a woman that used to be a m...

Just saying, wait till those transformers
start getting involved in women's sport. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Just saying, wait till those transformers start getting invo...

...that in the women's swimming,
the athlete in lane three - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

...that in the women's swimming, the athlete in lane th...

Wait till he finds out
the athlete in lane six - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Wait till he finds out the athlete in lane six

But that is indicative
of this wider problem - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

But that is indicative of this wider problem

My grandmother always used to say,
"Opinions are like farts." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

My grandmother always used to say, "Opinions are like f...

I think we've been conditioned
to be like this - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I think we've been conditioned to be like this

Every time you go into a shop, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Every time you go into a shop,

And Twitter,
the fucking world's cubicle wall - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

And Twitter, the fucking world's cubicle wall

I think about this so much more - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I think about this so much more

And I think,
"What piece of advice would I give them?" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

And I think, "What piece of advice would I give them?&q...

What we need to learn is that sometimes - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

What we need to learn is that sometimes

I accept there's quite a lot of things
I'm ill-informed of, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I accept there's quite a lot of things I'm ill-inf...

I'm not saying we shouldn't have opinions.
It's vitally important to have opinions. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I'm not saying we shouldn't have opinions. It'...

I'm just saying, you don't have
to have an opinion about everything. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I'm just saying, you don't have to have an opinion...

Every now and again, very rarely,
there may come a time - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Every now and again, very rarely, there may come a time

But in the meantime, wait your turn, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

But in the meantime, wait your turn,

That was a very long-winded way of saying - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

That was a very long-winded way of saying

Ultimately, I think I maybe spent
a little too much time over in the States. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Ultimately, I think I maybe spent a little too much time ove...

I'd been living there for about a year,
trying to do long-distance with Rox. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I'd been living there for about a year, trying to do lo...

Put it down,
and I was feeling very sad and very alone. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Put it down, and I was feeling very sad and very alone.

I was like, "I know what I need to do.
I need to take myself for a nice meal." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I was like, "I know what I need to do. I need to take m...

I always approach eating on my own
in a restaurant like I approach sex. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I always approach eating on my own in a restaurant like I ap...

In and out as quickly as possible, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

In and out as quickly as possible,

I whisper my name,
whisper my name to this hostess, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I whisper my name, whisper my name to this hostess,

She walks out, she goes, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She walks out, she goes,

That is the most depressing
description of my lunch - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

That is the most depressing description of my lunch

And now everyone in the restaurant
is looking over to see - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

And now everyone in the restaurant is looking over to see

I have to do the walk of shame
through the restaurant. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I have to do the walk of shame through the restaurant.

Why do waitresses feel the need to do this
if you're eating on your own? - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Why do waitresses feel the need to do this if you're ea...

She comes over to my table
and makes a big song and dance - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She comes over to my table and makes a big song and dance

As if to say,
"We wouldn't want anyone looking over here - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

As if to say, "We wouldn't want anyone looking ove...

"Does sir have any allergies today,
or should I just put 'people'?" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

"Does sir have any allergies today, or should I just pu...

"Would you like bottled water or tap?" - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

"Would you like bottled water or tap?"

All water has technically
come through a tap at some point, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

All water has technically come through a tap at some point,

This waitress wasn't out
in a field this morning, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

This waitress wasn't out in a field this morning,

No, but they say "tap"
because words have power, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

No, but they say "tap" because words have power,

The waitress walking out there
with a mangy pail of water - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

The waitress walking out there with a mangy pail of water

Maybe I have quite a vivid imagination,
but you get the point. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Maybe I have quite a vivid imagination, but you get the poin...

She's back with the menus. By this point,
I thought she was taking the piss. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She's back with the menus. By this point, I thought she...

She's like, "Right, well, we serve things
in this menu family-style." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

She's like, "Right, well, we serve things in this ...

I was like, "Oh, madam." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I was like, "Oh, madam."

I love that we live in a country
where you can get away with that. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I love that we live in a country where you can get away with...

Ordering a bottle of wine at lunch
and not getting judged for it. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Ordering a bottle of wine at lunch and not getting judged fo...

That picture, the jolly day-drinker, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

That picture, the jolly day-drinker,

That... That is the kind of reason
I could never move to America permanently. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

That... That is the kind of reason I could never move to Ame...

And I nearly did. At the end of last year,
I nearly made the move permanently, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

And I nearly did. At the end of last year, I nearly made the...

Ironically, I'd failed to pull out
in another situation, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Ironically, I'd failed to pull out in another situation...

Ultimately, I realized
that I wanna raise my kid here. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Ultimately, I realized that I wanna raise my kid here.

I wanna settle down here.
Whisper it quietly, I like it here. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I wanna settle down here. Whisper it quietly, I like it here...

I think there's enough people
in this country - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I think there's enough people in this country

Ultimately, there's a host
of different reasons - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Ultimately, there's a host of different reasons

And I realized the longer I spent away, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

And I realized the longer I spent away,

LA is 365 days a year of sunshine. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

LA is 365 days a year of sunshine.

I love nothing more
than being sat in a beer garden - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I love nothing more than being sat in a beer garden

Being the designated person to lean over
and switch on the heater every 50 seconds. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Being the designated person to lean over and switch on the h...

I miss a proper music festival - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I miss a proper music festival

I cannot wait to be in my first mosh pit - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I cannot wait to be in my first mosh pit

I went to a parody of a music festival
in America called Coachella. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I went to a parody of a music festival in America called Coa...

I heard a woman there complaining - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I heard a woman there complaining

I was like,
"Love, I was at Glastonbury once - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

I was like, "Love, I was at Glastonbury once

Jack Whitehall: Settle Down poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Jack Whitehall takes the stage at London's O2 Arena to riff on dogs, drinking, dining alone, and finally deciding to settle down and become a father.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Chris Howe

Writer: Jack Whitehall

Production: N/A

Genre: documentary, comedy

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 30 Jan 2024

Awards: N/A

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