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Scroll down and there's Professor Noncey-Bollocks
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Jack Whitehall: Settle Down

Scroll downand there's Professor Noncey-Bollocks, and me grinning next to himlike I was...

Scroll down
and there's Professor Noncey-Bollocks, and me grinning next to him
like I was his muse

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.092
Scroll down and there's Professor Noncey-Bollocks,
00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:07.032
and me grinning next to him like I was his muse.
Duration
8 seconds
Views
42
Timestamp in Movie
00:08:27
Uploaded
Apr 09, 2025
Genres
documentary, comedy
Production
N/A

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Movie Summary

Jack Whitehall takes the stage at London's O2 Arena to riff on dogs, drinking, dining alone, and finally deciding to settle down and become a father.
That is the worst photo that's ever been taken of me. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:05
That is the worst photo that's ever been taken of me.
That photo is so unattractive, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:08
That photo is so unattractive,
And they really felt the need as well to do me dirty in the caption. Yeah. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:06
And they really felt the need as well to do me dirty in the ...
Really. They felt it was necessary to point out that of these two images, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:09
Really. They felt it was necessary to point out that of thes...
The weirdest reaction to this story, hands down, was my mother's. Okay? - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:06
The weirdest reaction to this story, hands down, was my moth...
I saw my mum about a week after this article had been printed. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:05
I saw my mum about a week after this article had been printe...
Went to her house, she's in the kitchen, big shit-eating grin on her face. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:06
Went to her house, she's in the kitchen, big shit-eatin...
She was like, "I saw you in the newspaper." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:23
She was like, "I saw you in the newspaper."
The final kick in the bollocks came when I read the main body of the article, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:07
The final kick in the bollocks came when I read the main bod...
I took it down off my mum's fridge, and I'm gonna read you this short extract. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:06
I took it down off my mum's fridge, and I'm gonna ...
Now bearing in mind I've already got issues with my billing - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:10
Now bearing in mind I've already got issues with my bil...
'Cause I wasn't the only famous former pupil - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:07
'Cause I wasn't the only famous former pupil
"Criminal proceedings have been brought against David Chambers, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:18
"Criminal proceedings have been brought against David C...
"I'm gonna write an article about a pedophile teacher today." - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:12
"I'm gonna write an article about a pedophile teac...
Don't put those pictures next to each other in an article as well. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:06
Don't put those pictures next to each other in an artic...
For God's sake, it makes it look like I'm leading Clifford out of the courtroom - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:07
For God's sake, it makes it look like I'm leading ...
I think now you're ready for some of the hard-hitting material. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:05
I think now you're ready for some of the hard-hitting m...
Is it just me, or have those - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:08
Is it just me, or have those
I have found bicycles tucked away on roof racks, - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:08
I have found bicycles tucked away on roof racks,
The other day, I shit you not, I was looking for the boats. - Jack Whitehall: Settle Down 00:05
The other day, I shit you not, I was looking for the boats.