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Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld performs at the Beacon Theatre in New York City with his take on everyday life, uncovering comedy in the commonplace.

Director

Joe DeMaio, Steven Rimdzius

Year

Genre

Box Office

N/A

Production

N/A

Awards

Nominated for 1 Primetime Emmy. 1 win & 1 nomination total

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Nor do I think every restaurant dinner
will end with a picture bully going, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Nor do I think every restaurant dinner will end with a pictu...

We gotta have a picture.'" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

We gotta have a picture.'"

Someone old, nervous, clumsy,
confused, or dim-witted. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Someone old, nervous, clumsy, confused, or dim-witted.

Someone that can't hold things,
see things, aim things, press things. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Someone that can't hold things, see things, aim things,...

Someone who,
the second they're handed the phone, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Someone who, the second they're handed the phone,

Does anyone know how to..." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Does anyone know how to..."

There's no way to stop it. Sometimes,
I wanna go back to the flip phone. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

There's no way to stop it. Sometimes, I wanna go back t...

One of those ones I see on TV.
They have these phones for old people - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

One of those ones I see on TV. They have these phones for ol...

These old people phones,
two buttons: your kid, ambulance. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

These old people phones, two buttons: your kid, ambulance.

Why don't we update
some of these terms that we use - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Why don't we update some of these terms that we use

Why is the world "mail" even in "e-mail"? - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Why is the world "mail" even in...

Is there any similarity between e-mail - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Is there any similarity between e-mail

One of them operates on a digital,
fiber-optic, hyper-speed network. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

One of them operates on a digital, fiber-optic, hyper-speed ...

The other is this dazed and confused, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

The other is this dazed and confused,

...bumbling around the streets
in embarrassing shorts - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

...bumbling around the streets in embarrassing shorts

Driving four miles an hour,
20 feet at a time, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Driving four miles an hour, 20 feet at a time,

They always have this emotional, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

They always have this emotional,

"How are we going to catch up?" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"How are we going to catch up?"

They always push the postmaster general
out on TV to explain their difficulties. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

They always push the postmaster general out on TV to explain...

He's all freaked out,
rings under his eyes, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

He's all freaked out, rings under his eyes,

Looks like we're gonna have to go up
another penny on the stamps!" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Looks like we're gonna have to go up another penny on t...

Forty-eight, 53, 61... Make it a buck,
you're gonna get there. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Forty-eight, 53, 61... Make it a buck, you're gonna get...

If it ends up
you got some money left over, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

If it ends up you got some money left over,

...since that seems to be a lot of money
in your world." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

...since that seems to be a lot of money in your world."...

The human is a social species,
as we can see. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

The human is a social species, as we can see.

We tend to congregate, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

We tend to congregate,

If you take a plane out of New York, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

If you take a plane out of New York,

Why, there's nothing but empty, open,
beautiful, rolling land out there. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Why, there's nothing but empty, open, beautiful, rollin...

"Let's pack in here, tight!" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Let's pack in here, tight!"

Human beings like to be close together - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Human beings like to be close together

...the personalities
and activities of these humans. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

...the personalities and activities of these humans.

We like to give our thoughts,
our comments, our opinions. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

We like to give our thoughts, our comments, our opinions.

"It is what it is" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"It is what it is"

You can't get through a day
without somebody going, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

You can't get through a day without somebody going,

To just say air words that fill the room
with meaningless sounds? - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

To just say air words that fill the room with meaningless so...

I'd rather someone blew clear air
into my face - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I'd rather someone blew clear air into my face

People like to say those things.
"It is what it is." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

People like to say those things. "It is what it is.&quo...

"Business is business." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Business is business."

"Well, at least he died
doin' something that he loved." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Well, at least he died doin' something that he lo...

Also, not sure how in love with it
he would still be... - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Also, not sure how in love with it he would still be...

I'd like to die
doin' somethin' that I hate - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I'd like to die doin' somethin' that I hate

Clutch my chest, drop the brush,
keel over, and go, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Clutch my chest, drop the brush, keel over, and go,

And when one does have occasion - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

And when one does have occasion

A little shook up, like a combat veteran - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

A little shook up, like a combat veteran

It just doesn't feel like it's goin'
in the direction I wanted it to go." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

It just doesn't feel like it's goin' in the d...

You have a lot of fantastic qualities.
You will eventually meet someone. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

You have a lot of fantastic qualities. You will eventually m...

I always find the spring tension
on the door - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I always find the spring tension on the door

"Come on in. We have something for you." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Come on in. We have something for you."

With PTSD: - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

It's not a bath... You're... you're crapping
in a hole with a box over it. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

It's not a bath... You're... you're crapping ...

You wanna do that thing your dog does
after going to the bathroom in the grass. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

You wanna do that thing your dog does after going to the bat...

"Why you doin' that?" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Why you doin' that?"

Let's change gears at this point
in our lovely time together here. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Let's change gears at this point in our lovely time tog...

And give you a little perspective
on what's going on in my personal life. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

And give you a little perspective on what's going on in...

First, I will give you the basic numbers.
Everybody likes the numbers. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

First, I will give you the basic numbers. Everybody likes th...

I apologize for the shock value... - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I apologize for the shock value...

When you're in your sixties,
people ask you to do somethin', - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

When you're in your sixties, people ask you to do somet...

I've seen those people. You just wave
when you're in your seventies. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I've seen those people. You just wave when you're ...

I don't wanna grow. I don't wanna change.
I don't want to improve in anything. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I don't wanna grow. I don't wanna change. I don�...

I don't want to expand my interests, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I don't want to expand my interests,

I don't like to turn around. Like,
if I'm walkin' down the street like this... - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I don't like to turn around. Like, if I'm walkin&#...

"Jerry, check this out.
You gotta see this." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"Jerry, check this out. You gotta see this."

"You gotta see this." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"You gotta see this."

Or I'll just assume - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Or I'll just assume

I made a bucket list, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I made a bucket list,

Or change one letter at the top, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Or change one letter at the top,

I got married late in life.
I was 45. I had some issues. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I got married late in life. I was 45. I had some issues.

When I was single, I had married friends.
I would not visit their homes. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

When I was single, I had married friends. I would not visit ...

I find their lives to be meaningless
and trivial experiences. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I find their lives to be meaningless and trivial experiences...

Whichever side of marriage you're on, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Whichever side of marriage you're on,

You're playing paintball war; - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

You're playing paintball war;

Married guys play with full clips
and live rounds. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Married guys play with full clips and live rounds.

Single guy's sitting on a merry-go-round,
blowin' on a pinwheel! - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Single guy's sitting on a merry-go-round, blowin' ...

You single guys here tonight,
looking at me, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

You single guys here tonight, looking at me,

What do I gotta have
if I wanna be a married guy?" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

What do I gotta have if I wanna be a married guy?"

Their brains are strong, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Their brains are strong,

The female brain
is one of the most competent - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

The female brain is one of the most competent

It will solve all problems of earth - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

It will solve all problems of earth

Having completed that, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Having completed that,

The female needs to know
how you might respond. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

The female needs to know how you might respond.

"If you faked your own death,
and I found out about it, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"If you faked your own death, and I found out about it,

"What are we talkin' about now?" - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"What are we talkin' about now?"

Being married is like being
on a game show, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Being married is like being on a game show,

I went out and bought a game-show podium.
I set it up in my living room. - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I went out and bought a game-show podium. I set it up in my ...

I wake up in the morning,
and I stand behind the podium, - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I wake up in the morning, and I stand behind the podium,

"I'll take 'Movies
I Think We Saw Together' for 200." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"I'll take 'Movies I Think We Saw Together�...

"I'll take
'Details of a Ten-Minute Conversation - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"I'll take 'Details of a Ten-Minute Conversat...

I'm going for the win right here." - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

I'm going for the win right here."

"I'm sorry, sir.
You did not win the weekend sex package... - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

"I'm sorry, sir. You did not win the weekend sex p...

Thank you for playing.
Are you even listening to me? - Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill

Thank you for playing. Are you even listening to me?

Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours to Kill poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld performs at the Beacon Theatre in New York City with his take on everyday life, uncovering comedy in the commonplace.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Joe DeMaio, Steven Rimdzius

Writer: Jerry Seinfeld

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2020

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.7

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 05 May 2020

Awards: Nominated for 1 Primetime Emmy. 1 win & 1 nomination total

Homepage:

Also watch: A Hero, Hamburger Hill, The Spy Next Door, The Wrong Missy, Hall Pass, A Fish Called Wanda, Dora and the Lost City of Gold, The Name of the Rose, Vice, The Wind Rises, The Old Guard, Uncut Gems, Mulholland Drive, Groundhog Day