"Uh…" "Chopping wood?" He's like, "Really?"And I was like, "Don't talk anymore." And like...
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"Uh…" "Chopping wood?" He's like, "Really?"
And I was like, "Don't talk anymore." And like a good friend, I ran home,
turned it into a stand-up bit. And I kind of forgot about it. Then, like a month later, Ricky
called me out of the blue and goes, "I did it. I did it." "I built my own axe-throwing range
in my backyard." Yeah, he's divorced. And… Then he immediately starts bragging. He's like, "Yeah, now, I could throw
an axe 20 yards and hit a bullseye." I'm like, "That's impressive." "You know when that's
gonna come in handy? Never." He'll be like, "Hey, you never know."
I'm like, "No, I do know." Even if someone broke in your house
and you happen to be holding an axe, you're not gonna be able to say,
"Hey, can you come 10 feet closer?"
And I was like, "Don't talk anymore." And like a good friend, I ran home,
turned it into a stand-up bit. And I kind of forgot about it. Then, like a month later, Ricky
called me out of the blue and goes, "I did it. I did it." "I built my own axe-throwing range
in my backyard." Yeah, he's divorced. And… Then he immediately starts bragging. He's like, "Yeah, now, I could throw
an axe 20 yards and hit a bullseye." I'm like, "That's impressive." "You know when that's
gonna come in handy? Never." He'll be like, "Hey, you never know."
I'm like, "No, I do know." Even if someone broke in your house
and you happen to be holding an axe, you're not gonna be able to say,
"Hey, can you come 10 feet closer?"
Full Transcript
00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.008
"Uh…"
00:00:02.083 --> 00:00:04.042
"Chopping wood?"
00:00:05.004 --> 00:00:08.038
He's like, "Really?"
And I was like, "Don't talk anymore."
00:00:10.084 --> 00:00:14.076
And like a good friend, I ran home,
turned it into a stand-up bit.
00:00:16.022 --> 00:00:17.515
And I kind of forgot about it.
00:00:17.064 --> 00:00:20.145
Then, like a month later, Ricky
called me out of the blue and goes,
00:00:20.027 --> 00:00:21.645
"I did it. I did it."
00:00:21.077 --> 00:00:25.999
"I built my own axe-throwing range
in my backyard."
00:00:25.015 --> 00:00:26.445
Yeah, he's divorced.
00:00:26.057 --> 00:00:28.945
And…
00:00:29.007 --> 00:00:30.985
Then he immediately starts bragging.
00:00:31.011 --> 00:00:35.997
He's like, "Yeah, now, I could throw
an axe 20 yards and hit a bullseye."
00:00:35.016 --> 00:00:36.325
I'm like, "That's impressive."
00:00:36.045 --> 00:00:38.095
"You know when that's
gonna come in handy? Never."
00:00:40.012 --> 00:00:43.027
He'll be like, "Hey, you never know."
I'm like, "No, I do know."
00:00:45.005 --> 00:00:49.092
Even if someone broke in your house
and you happen to be holding an axe,
00:00:51.998 --> 00:00:54.036
you're not gonna be able to say,
"Hey, can you come 10 feet closer?"
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Movie Summary
Stand-up special by Jim Gaffigan.
