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Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory poster

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Kelsey Cook's second stand up special.

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800 Pound Gorilla Media

Self - Host

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And I thought, well it's
probably a good idea - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And I thought, well it's probably a good idea

I totally get it, I was just bummed - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I totally get it, I was just bummed

She's gonna think it's so cool - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

She's gonna think it's so cool

And I was like, oh, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And I was like, oh,

I don't exactly think she's
walking into her college - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I don't exactly think she's walking into her colle...

It's like my daddy issues - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

It's like my daddy issues

I feel like I should know more
about things like vasectomies - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I feel like I should know more about things like vasectomies

And I look back and I'm like,
what was I saying to my peers - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And I look back and I'm like, what was I saying to my p...

At age 12 that made them collectively go, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

At age 12 that made them collectively go,

I should not have won that
award, I knew nothing. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I should not have won that award, I knew nothing.

I didn't start my period
until the last week - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I didn't start my period until the last week

Yeah, buckle up. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Yeah, buckle up.

And the first time you get a period, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And the first time you get a period,

So all my friends are in
their cute little bikinis - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So all my friends are in their cute little bikinis

I am wearing a T-shirt and giant men's - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I am wearing a T-shirt and giant men's

Trying to hide the outline
of this massive pad, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Trying to hide the outline of this massive pad,

And then everybody jumped in the lake - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And then everybody jumped in the lake

So I jumped into and that
thing started dragging me - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So I jumped into and that thing started dragging me

I like, no, no. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I like, no, no.

This thing got so heavy, so fast - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

This thing got so heavy, so fast

Please help. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So people flopped me up
onto the dock and I stood up - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So people flopped me up onto the dock and I stood up

And that is how you don't get fingered - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And that is how you don't get fingered

True story, I feel like all
the boys in my grade were like, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

True story, I feel like all the boys in my grade were like,

I actually got an IUD in
recently because I heard - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I actually got an IUD in recently because I heard

They basically shove a Lego in your uterus - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

They basically shove a Lego in your uterus

I'm like, "Oh, I wish
you'd go fuck yourself." - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I'm like, "Oh, I wish you'd go fuck yourself....

Oh my God, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Alright, there are Avengers
sitting amongst you tonight. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Alright, there are Avengers sitting amongst you tonight.

But I think the thing that's
maybe more traumatizing - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

But I think the thing that's maybe more traumatizing

Women giving a urine sample - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Women giving a urine sample

You are like, okay, this
way, maybe this way. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

You are like, okay, this way, maybe this way.

Well God damn it, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Well God damn it,

Because women only pee straight
for two of the 20 seconds. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Because women only pee straight for two of the 20 seconds.

We pee, the rest of the time - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

We pee, the rest of the time

And then a doctor walks in with a thimble - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And then a doctor walks in with a thimble

Something with handles, a wide berth - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Something with handles, a wide berth

And a lot of the time you
don't know you're gonna have - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And a lot of the time you don't know you're gonna ...

So you peed right before
you left the house - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So you peed right before you left the house

But you don't have enough
pressure in your stream for it - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

But you don't have enough pressure in your stream for i...

So you just get a babbling brook - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So you just get a babbling brook

I walked out of there up to
the nurse, I was like, well, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I walked out of there up to the nurse, I was like, well,

You fix it and then you lay back - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

You fix it and then you lay back

So after they're done, the
nurse hands you a sticker - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So after they're done, the nurse hands you a sticker

So I just pop that on my windshield - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So I just pop that on my windshield

I got one that says Valvoline,
one that says Volvoline. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I got one that says Valvoline, one that says Volvoline.

I just want just keep an eye. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I just want just keep an eye.

I told my dad about the sticker thing - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I told my dad about the sticker thing

I wonder if it works the same way as a car - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I wonder if it works the same way as a car

I mean, I'm definitely
gonna use it on stage, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I mean, I'm definitely gonna use it on stage,

You go in for a checkup,
the doctor's like, oh, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

You go in for a checkup, the doctor's like, oh,

Jesus Christ, no way this
thing's lasting eight years. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Jesus Christ, no way this thing's lasting eight years.

I feel like if you live
alone for too long, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I feel like if you live alone for too long,

Alright, so that's 12 people who showered - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Alright, so that's 12 people who showered

I am honored to be the
reason you would bathe - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I am honored to be the reason you would bathe

And you start to act like you
were raised by wolves, right? - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And you start to act like you were raised by wolves, right?

I watched myself do something
so unhinged at one point, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I watched myself do something so unhinged at one point,

And instead of just going - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And instead of just going

I was just like a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I was just like a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I went to Target and they
had just released fall candles. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So I went to Target and they had just released fall candles.

And I learned that day
that if you smell candles - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And I learned that day that if you smell candles

Nothing crazy, but I'm a lightweight - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Nothing crazy, but I'm a lightweight

So I was unprepared for
what happened to my body - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

So I was unprepared for what happened to my body

And when I went home and hung
it up, it only stretched like - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And when I went home and hung it up, it only stretched like

Five extra feet of fabric coming - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Five extra feet of fabric coming

And my stepsister came over the next day - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And my stepsister came over the next day

You didn't think it was weird
that when you hung it up, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

You didn't think it was weird that when you hung it up,

I was like, I accidentally got fucked up - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I was like, I accidentally got fucked up

I don't wanna talk about it,
but it's fine, I can fix this. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I don't wanna talk about it, but it's fine, I can ...

We're fine, I can feel
that I'm starting to get - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

We're fine, I can feel that I'm starting to get

You know, in the
beginning you try so hard, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

You know, in the beginning you try so hard,

Now I'm just trying to not
scare kids at the pool. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Now I'm just trying to not scare kids at the pool.

Now I just tell my wax lady the same thing - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Now I just tell my wax lady the same thing

Let's not get crazy, I am
pretty shocked at the lengths - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Let's not get crazy, I am pretty shocked at the lengths

I dunno if you guys
have heard of this trend - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I dunno if you guys have heard of this trend

Apparently some teenage girls now - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Apparently some teenage girls now

The confidence of Gen Z is so fucking wild - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

The confidence of Gen Z is so fucking wild

I mean, cold day in hell that
you would catch a millennial - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I mean, cold day in hell that you would catch a millennial

That was so not the message
taught to us about this area - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

That was so not the message taught to us about this area

We didn't even want anybody
to know we had a vagina - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

We didn't even want anybody to know we had a vagina

Just sprayed 17 pumps
of Bath and Body Works - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Just sprayed 17 pumps of Bath and Body Works

Our Sex Ed teachers didn't
talk to us about this area - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Our Sex Ed teachers didn't talk to us about this area

They weren't like, "Hey y'all,
it's good on everything." - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

They weren't like, "Hey y'all, it's good...

No, they talked to us about
it like it was black licorice. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

No, they talked to us about it like it was black licorice.

Okay, sure and we did. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Okay, sure and we did.

- [Audience Member] Yes - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

- [Audience Member] Yes

Guys are, oh hey, this is an outrage. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

Guys are, oh hey, this is an outrage.

I do actually wanna try and
keep the magic alive with Chad - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

I do actually wanna try and keep the magic alive with Chad

He and I always lived in a
place that only had one bathroom - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

He and I always lived in a place that only had one bathroom

And I finally asked him, I was like, Hey, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

And I finally asked him, I was like, Hey,

Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Kelsey Cook's second stand up special.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director:

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Production: 800 Pound Gorilla Media

Genre: comedy

Year: 2025

MetaScore: /100

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