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My parents got divorced in the 90s
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Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory

My parents got divorced in the 90s back when there were homephone answering machines and...

My parents got divorced in the 90s back when there were home
phone answering machines and before the divorce, our answering machine
message was my dad saying, "You've reached the Cooks,
please leave us a message." And then after the divorce,
my mom had changed it to her just blasting Alanis
Morissette's "You Oughta Know."

Full Transcript

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.077
My parents got divorced in the 90s
00:00:02.077 --> 00:00:05.039
back when there were home phone answering machines
00:00:07.051 --> 00:00:08.074
and before the divorce,
00:00:08.074 --> 00:00:10.967
our answering machine message was my dad saying,
00:00:10.967 --> 00:00:13.087
"You've reached the Cooks, please leave us a message."
00:00:13.087 --> 00:00:16.081
And then after the divorce, my mom had changed it to her
00:00:16.081 --> 00:00:20.137
just blasting Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know."
Duration
21 seconds
Views
67
Timestamp in Movie
00:50:43
Uploaded
Mar 30, 2025
Genres
comedy
Production
800 Pound Gorilla Media

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Movie Summary

Kelsey Cook's second stand up special.
So every time my dad would call, my mom would let it go - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:20
So every time my dad would call, my mom would let it go
I mean, that's a bad bitch move right there. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:05
I mean, that's a bad bitch move right there.
'Cause it's not like that was just the message - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:06
'Cause it's not like that was just the message
That was the message for literally anybody - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:06
That was the message for literally anybody
So after a while, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:11
So after a while,
And I'm here to remind you - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:07
And I'm here to remind you
And long before my mom had dementia, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:08
And long before my mom had dementia,
She had started to screenshot the selfies, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:19
She had started to screenshot the selfies,
But I didn't know she was doing this - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:08
But I didn't know she was doing this
Of my narcissism - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:09
Of my narcissism
This is fucking horrifying, I'll never take a selfie again. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:06
This is fucking horrifying, I'll never take a selfie ag...
Nobody had taught my mom how to crop a screenshot. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:06
Nobody had taught my mom how to crop a screenshot.
So all of these printed framed photos - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:07
So all of these printed framed photos
If somebody texted her as she took the screenshot, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:10
If somebody texted her as she took the screenshot,
There's a framed photo somewhere of my face - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:09
There's a framed photo somewhere of my face
So I decided last year that I didn't want to have kids. - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:06
So I decided last year that I didn't want to have kids.
And it was so weird because a few months later I started - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:10
And it was so weird because a few months later I started
And I think it's so crazy that the human instinct - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:13
And I think it's so crazy that the human instinct
You keep feeding me diet cum, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:07
You keep feeding me diet cum,
Chad's had a vasectomy, so there's nothing to defend, - Kelsey Cook: Mark Your Territory 00:10
Chad's had a vasectomy, so there's nothing to defe...